My breastfeeding confession.
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: First baby? Second or more?
Forum Description: Want help? Need support? Want tips? Men and women share advice and tips in this supportive community
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=10263
Printed Date: 03 July 2025 at 4:39am
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Topic: My breastfeeding confession.
Posted By: mamanee
Subject: My breastfeeding confession.
Date Posted: 27 August 2007 at 11:38pm
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Ok, after all the guilt I went through and the negativity from family members and even strangers, I want to share with you how I feel now and how I felt back then too in the hope that if anybody else feels this way, they will know that they aren't alone.
I didn't like breastfeeding, I didn't get any fulfillment out of it in a bonding sense. I didn't even want to breastfeed. It gave me a horrible uncomfortable feeling that wasn't just physical. I could have tried harder, but I didn't because I didn't want to. I have no guilt anymore about this and I feel that putting Sam on formula was the best thing I did for him because I know that I would have resented him if I kept going. Everybody said 'just keep trying, just persevere, it will get easier', but I know in my heart and in my head that it would never have gotten easier for me and I am happy that I trusted my gut instinct and stopped before I spiralled downwards too far. I want to let other mums know that there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding and breastfeeding is not the only way as we are pushed into thinking by medical professionals, helpful family members and even strangers on the street. And do you know what? Even though breastfeeding was ultimately impossible for me in a physical sense, because of flat nipples, I wouldn't have kept going even if it was possible. There, I said it. I don't feel guilty and I shouldn't have to. |
Replies:
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 12:02am
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No you shouldnt have to and you know why? cos its your business how you care for your son noone elses and unless your abusing him (which your not) its noone elses business.
Some people like breastfeeding others dont, theres no law that says that just cos we have a baby we must automatically relish the idea of giving them our breast to feed from,and as far as im concerned , if babies getting food and is gaining weight then thats the most important thing, i think too many mums put too high an expectation on themselves and feel they have to do a lot of things because its expected of them. Im glad you no longer feel guilty,cos in my opinion you never should have felt guilty in the first place,sam is healthy and thriving and your doing a great job regardless of whether hes breast or bottle fed 
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Posted By: My3Sons
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 6:14am
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Thank you for sharing this! ------------- Mum to Mr 10, Mr 6 and Mr 4 
 
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neeandsam wrote:
Posted By: Gracielou
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 7:47am
Well done on being strong enough to do what was best for you and Sam, and thanks for sharing. ------------- 
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:10am
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Great post. I feel exactly the same and have already made the decision not to breast feed but am gutted by how hard it is to get info on new born formula etc.
Well done!!! -------------  
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:28am
My mum told me that she hated breastfeeding cause it made her feel like a cow! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:47am
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Good on you for pointing out that breastfeeding isn't the slightest bit pleasant for some of us, and sometimes it just doesn't work out well for baby and mum! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:59am
Good on you Renee for making the best decision for you and your son 
There is an MSN forums thing Called NZ Bottle Fed Babies which I found a great support when I started to bottle feed Caitlin. I had other reasons for stopping, and like you, I feel I could have worked through but the benefit of BFing Vs the benefit of my enjoyment and more importantly my ability to look after my baby far outweighed BFing. Also, regardless whether or not you can BF, it should also be about whether you WANT to! Peanut, I also recommend you try to find that Bottle Fed website as there are lots of Mums on there that bottle fed their newborns. And just as a side issue - I was bottle fed from birth and there's nothing wrong with me (well, not much   ) ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 9:00am
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actually, that forum might be a google group - will try to find it and post the link for you ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MissCandice
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 10:21am
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Thanks for sharing that, it really shines a light on my situation.. I dont want to breastfeed but i am being i feel pressured to do so.. By my partner, my midwife and my mum (who didnt BF any of us 4 kids) im glad i read this post.. it really gives me strength! And good on you for standing your ground!Hes your son so how he is fed is your choice! ------------- ~ Mummy to a beautiful girl ~ |
Posted By: ShellandBella
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 10:32am
Thanks for sharing that, Renee. Its really good to hear when there are probably heaps of us out there (myself included) who feel that the whole 'natural' part of breastfeeding is a crock of s*&t, and that they only persevere because of pressure from other people. And I do feel guilty when I use formula (why is that?) but know there is no rhyme or reason to it. I feel that however it goes for me (whether I continue breastfeeding or not) it is my decision and I only ever have my baby's needs at heart.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Peanut
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 11:04am
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My partner, MW and familya re completely supportive of my decision and haven't questioned me at all but DH's family is not impressed but have stopped commenting as they can see that my mind is made up!
I was also a formula/bottle baby and have been fine also, so that makes me feel non guilty and confident in my decision. Would love that link! -------------
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 12:06pm
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Just to add a bit more:
When I was expressing full-time as that was the only way Sam was going to get breastmilk I found myself making so many excuses to people including 'I'm just having a break from breastfeeding as it hurts so much' and 'I'm going to keep trying, I really want to do it'. After thinking about things I really should have just said 'I don't want to do it' and to hell with what people thought of me. I couldn't believe how much pressure there was on me as a new mother to exclusively breastfeed. Anything even remotely connected with a bottle was deemed unacceptable including expressed breast milk. My experience at the hospital was just awful, if you can't breastfeed they go out of their way to make sure they make things so difficult for you like making you feed baby with a cup/syringe/feeding tube, all of which is painstaking and fiddly when you're in pain and you have a hungry little boy. They just cannot accept that you are unable to do it. I feel that I am still bitter about my hospital stay and as a new mother I felt very very incompetent. Even changing Sams nappy, the nurse laughed and said 'Obviously your first baby'. I don't feel like I had enough support for my decision and that is what put me in denial for so long. Up until recently, I could never accept that I didn't want to do it. I always put it down to 'I couldn't do it, I really wanted to and I tried, but it wasn't possible' which in turn, made the guilt even worse. I was given no information from anybody about bottle feeding. My midwife was supportive but made it very clear that breastfeeding was the only way to go no matter how much emotional and physical pain you were in. She very reluctantly accepted that I was express feeding but made me feel like it would be too hard to keep up and that I was wasting my time. I even kept it from her that I was bottle feeding and hid the formula tin incase she saw it. I wish I had have been stronger and said 'look, I don't want to breastfeed, it's my decision and no amount of pressure or guilt will get me to do it'. I feel that women are condemned for giving up so soon, when they should be accepted and understood that they made a decision early for the sake of their mental health and the health of their baby. Don't get me wrong, I know that breast is best, but in some cases formula is better. I feel more confident in my ability as a mother, I can have a glass of wine at night time without worrying that it will pass through my milk, I know exactly how much Sam is getting and I know in my heart that when he looks at me, he looks at me with the same love and affection as he would if I were feeding him from the breast. |
Posted By: jamesmum
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 12:46pm
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You should not feel guilty at all.
I gave up BFing when James was 5 weeks, both because I just didnt have enough milk and because I wasn't enjoying it. I could have stuck with it and did everything to build up my milk supply but in the end I decided it wasnt worth the stress. I felt like I was going to be judged on my decision but I actually found everyone supportive. With my MW she turned up one day and asked how feeding was going and I just straight out told her I had started formula feeding & she was really supportive of this even giving James his bottle while she was there & giving me information about teats and bottles etc. I did feel guilty for not sticking with BFing for a while, but I know now it was the best decision I could have made for myself. |
Posted By: aqua36
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 4:18pm
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Isn't is amazing that at a time when a woman is already under so much pressure - getting to know her baby, lack of sleep, huge influx of hormones and still we are pressured, even if you have given everything a go to make breast feeding work.
I am lucky to have a midwife who says to do what is right for me and baby - that we need to her enjoy her. As she said "do I know the difference between the bottle, formula feed or breast feed students I teach (at an intermediate)'. For some people breast feeding just doesn't happen, you do not need to feel guilt at all. Good on you for speaking out - at the end of the day you need to be relaxed and enjoy the expereince of motherhood. I find the whole breastfeeding promotes bonding with your child" to be the worse comment. As if you won't bond with your child! I am the main person to feed my baby - bottle or breast. The bonding will be harder if you cannot or do not want to breastfeed as you are up tight and stressed by the whole experience. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 4:33pm
i disagree that formula is better (in any cases) maybe its as good as or almost as good as but never better. I am very sorry that you never felt supported in your decisions and that the hospital mw laughed at you. I think they forget that they are dealing with people whose emotions are running riot and that they have a huge and sometimes lasting impact on first time mums. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 4:35pm
i disagree that formula is better (in any cases) maybe its as good as or almost as good as but never better. QUOTE] So if the breastfeeding mother is an alcholic, on drugs up to her eyeballs her milk containing all those things would still be better than formula? I have to disagree there sorry. |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 4:38pm
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Oops stuffed up the quote thing but you know what Im highlighting I think.
I felt really pressured to breastfeed with Kobe being prem but had never had any intention on feeding him and only resented being made to. Everytime I walked into NICU the first question was, do you have any colustrum for us.... Ok i know its feeding my baby but towards the end I almost avoided going in to see him until I snapped! Luckily I had the support from my husband though who was happy for me to do what I felt best for me. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 4:43pm
she's already passed it on to her baby while she was pregnant and chances are if she was that drugged she wouldnt make up the formula correctly anyway and would prob give cold milk out of the fridge, or not bother to feed the child or have given it up. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 4:48pm
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so she started bad and might aswell just continue harming her child as apose to doing the best for the child once its been born? Sorry still disagree, I just cant see how that breastmilk would be better for baby and lets face it, a lot of alcoholics or druggies hide thier addictions so she may be able to function normally when people are around and therefore be able to make up formula correctly but if she was feeding then those things are still in her body.
And what about certain medications, that a normal sane person would take that can harm baby, surely you dont think that would be better than formula, even against doctors instructions. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:37pm
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nowhere did i say breastfeeding was better even if tainted with harmful drugs - in some cases like drugs or disease etc being possibly passed to baby then formula is a good replacement. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:43pm
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hmm I have to disagree with you too, I think where the mother is so unhappy/stressed etc about BFing and feels that the pressure to BF is affecting her ability to care for her baby then formula feeding is better for all concerned.
BUT - there really is no right or wrong answer here and I still think Renee you did the right thing for you and Sam
Here's the link to the log on page of that website NZBottleBabies@groups.msn.com - NZ Bottle Babies It's an MSN group that you have to apply to join but the lady who runs it is really lovely and they are all extremely supportive over there and they don't just talk about formula ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mikaela
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:44pm
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I'm a breastfeeding mum, but I absolutely agree that if the mum is unhappy breastfeeding her baby then it's far better to switch to formula. Millions of healthy babies have been raised on formula - surely it's better to have a formula fed baby than an unhappy, resentful mum!
A good friend of mine has been bottle feeding her baby since he was 5 weeks old (he's now 9 months) and a happier, healthier baby and a more loving mum you will never see. ------------- http://www.bump-and-beyond.com"> 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 5:59pm
Deb you are right, breast is best, I meant it as in 'formula feeding can be better for the mother than breastfeeding' meaning more emotionally than health wise for the baby. I didn't really explain that very well. I wholeheartedly agree that breast milk from a healthy mother is better for baby than formula. |
Posted By: my2angels
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 6:06pm
Well I kind of took it as you did because you said "in any cases" which is the part I disagreed with. |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 6:11pm
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i'm sorry renee i didnt mean to rain on your thread. You were sharing some very relevant and important information that just isnt discussed enough. Obviously this is a topice that is close to some peoples hearts and maybe in this instance i should have just shut my keyboard. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 28 August 2007 at 8:59pm
Tsk, tsk love, you're forgetting about my three pesky babies that couldn't tolerate breastmilk at all 
On a more serious note (just in case anyone couldn't tell that my tongue was firmly in my cheek with that last statement), we are working with the Ministry of Health at getting some up to date, relevant and useful information on bottle feeding so that those who choose to bottle feed, for whatever reason, have access to quality info. So bear with me, but also bear in mind that they are a govt. department and as such, not given to doing things in a timely manner. ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 9:06am
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That's awesome news Emma and long overdue too!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 5:17pm
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Yesssssss!!!!! I'd love to see info being given to new mums on how to safely and appropriately bottle feed - for now you have to go to the formula companies for ANY information, so of course, it's all tied in with promoting their own products - not the most balanced way to get info. my 2 cents worth... breast is not always best. The 'breast is best' promotions are great, and thanks to that policy most NZ-born babies get all the goodness of breastmilk when they need it, but there's always exceptions to the rule, and no-one should be made to feel less for being one of those exceptions. I'm grateful to Renee for writing what she did in this topic. Rock on, girl!! ------------- Andie |
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 29 August 2007 at 9:14pm
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You know I think as mommies we beat ourselves up too much. We try to compare (even if we say we dont). We are so scared our child misses out to the next child and dont have the best start ect. What if they dont have enough tummy time ect. We really are a bad lot arent we?
I personally think in MOST cases that breastmilk is better than formula. But if mommy aint happy then nobody is going to be happy and that will just negatively affect baby and mommy. I think the most important thing for a mom is to do what is right for HER, her baby and her family. And nobody but her (and yeah sometimes a bit of help from the dad ) can decide what that is for them.
I also think it will be great to have more info on bottle feeding as well. Afterall it is your choice and you should be able to get all the info you need to make the best choice for your child. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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