OK, I’m stuck. Please help!

I just cannot settle the wee boy. He's going through a patch of not wanting to sleep - he has really short catnaps and despite being exausted, won't go to sleep. I started a thread on catnapping, but realised that what I'm really asking is more about settling a baby. I can't!

The only thing that works is picking him up and giving him a feed. He drinks for a while (very enthusiastically!) and then gets all drowsy. I then pop him back into bed with his eyes wide open, and he'll slowly close them and nod off. That's kind of what I imagined should happen when you settle him back down.

However, many sources say not to feed a baby to sleep. Is that doing that? You know, given he's not actually asleep per say when I put him down? I think the plunket nurse thinks it is, anyway she said I should try to settle him without a drink.

BUT... I can't. I asked her how you did that, she mumbled something vauge about giving him a cuddle or stroking his forehead while he's in the bassinet. I pick him up, I walk around, I rock him... the crying continues. I think I'm going deaf! Stroking his forehead is a joke. The best I can manage is to stop the screaming for a moment, but the boo-boo face is still going on in full force and he'll start screaming again after a brief interlude. I put a pic of the 'boo-boo face' below because it makes me laugh, poor little chap.

I imagine getting him up properly would stop the screaming for a while, but he'd be very grumpy, and anyway that would defeat the point of trying to get him to sleep! Is there some trick I'm missing?



Edited by Hopes

I think what you are doing is fine. The way I read it is that having the feed is helping him to calm down enough that he is then able to settle himself to sleep.

My understanding of feeding to sleep is that they are fast asleep when you put them back. I think at this stage you just need to do what works for you. If you are happy giving him a feed prior to a nap then go for it

It can be tricky to know what to do with all the conflicting advice that's given.
Do what feels right for you and him.
If feeding works do it.
Your actually not technically feeding him to sleep i.e he's not asleep on the boob or bottle.
BUT if he did fall asleep on the boob or bottle than it doesn't matter. If it works it works!
Do what ever works and forget the books and what plunket thinks!
plus he's still only a little baby, time to learn self settling later on.

Trust your gut, you know best.

I agree - if he's drowsy I say you are doing fine. At Jacobs age I think I was feeding my DD to sleep at night anyway, I was trying to try to stop feeding to sleep during the day though, but some days I just gave in and fed her to sleep for naps too, she just needed sleep.
She goes to sleep fine all by herself now - well with the help of her duckie blanket and teddy - so the feeding to sleep isn't something that she (or I for that matter) expected to last forever - no matter what Plunket tell you!

Hugs hun!!

I think at this age I ended up putting Cooper in our rocker and rocked him constantly with my leg (while sitting on OB lol) this way I managed to get him to sleep & keep him asleep.

Can you let him have a sleep on you?? get some of that real tiredness out the way & start a fresh?

I wouldnt worry about not feeding him to sleep if he needs milk to go to sleep then *personally* thats what I'd do. (I do that with Tyler now - always have done, it means no screaming for naps and bedtime, just has his milk and he's out like a light lol )

oh look at that little sad face...

I always had trouble with DS, he was a 45min sleeper and hardly ever went down quietly. I just fed him to sleep and left him in my arms for a few mins till he was in a deep sleep then put him in his cot. As the other ladies have said just do what works for you, don't worry about what people say you should do.
Also I often just fed him in bed and left him curled up next to me and had a nap myself and then if he woke I would just fed him back to sleep. Wasn't ideal but it worked. I am a light sleeper so didn't worry about rolling on him or whatever.

My opinion is - you do whatever works for you and your family - and if its not a safety issue (which this isnt) then what does it matter to give you all peace and sleep.

I ithink it sounds a bit like he may not be getting a full BF from you when he's first awake and being fed, given he's feeding so enthusiastically when put back on the boob. When DD was just comfort sucking she fed in a different way to when she was tired, and I took pity on her so offered a 'top-up' feed for comfort.

So anyway back to your Q sorry... maybe first try sticking to the 'wake-feed-play-sleep' cycle for a while.. making sure you always put him back to bed before he becomes overtired, which would definitely be causing problems/resistance to self settling. An overtired baby may appear to need constant feeding, when really, they're just so exhausted they don't know what else to do with themselves! My 14mthDD still struggles to nod off for her nap if I let her get overtired, and she's been self settling for 10mths!

So yep, really try to make sure he gets a full milk feed into him before finishing-up with the feeding part of your cycle - Never sticking to a set time frame per breast, as some older-school mums will tell you. Feed until your boob feels properly empty and doesn't let down any more, and then offer the second side for as long as he's interested, UP UNTIL bedtime only though. Also, he may not be taking a full feed if he's drinking too quickly and taking in a lot of wind as he goes - that wind can take up heaps of valuable tummy space! You could try burping him more often during feeding, even if he cries when you take him off the breast to burp, it will be freeing up the space for him to get really properly full of milk not air.

I reckon he's also just at the age where he's becoming acutely aware that you're his Mum, his shining star, and most beloved person in the world... which also means he'll want you to cuddle him whenever possible. So he may have just started to understand crying = you cuddling him or feeding him again. Little babies do get smart pretty quickly, so I'd say just have a think about what expectations you want him to have. Are you ok with cuddling or feeding him whenever he cries, or do you want him to learn that bed=sleep and that's that. So it comes back to whether or not you and your partner are willing to listen to some tears whilst DS tests the water etc. Dunno if you've thought about these different approaches just yet, but you can always google "attachment parenting" and then for comparison check out something more routine based like "save our sleep".

We have used the "Save Our Sleep" book with DD and had great success btw, but DH and I both agreed upfront that it was the right parenting style for us. It will not nessessarily sit right with everyone, but is an option to consider.

Good luck with the settling - assisted or not - hope your little man gets some zzzzz's!

I know exactly what youre going through. Jackson was exactly the same from 9 weeks old till about 4 months old. He started cat napping and became very hard to settle. In the end it was my milk supply not being enough for him as he wasnt gaining any weight. So I agree with other comments about him perhaps not getting enough fatty milk from you.

Like you, I tried everything as well, rocking, patting, cuddling, wearing, sooshing etc. In the end I started feeding him to sleep, albeit, I was worried about starting a bad habbit but once we hit about 6 months I stopped it and he settled on his own again fine. I also agree about following feed play sleep. It can be a bit difficult with a cat napper but you just gotta be flexible and forget the clock.

Do what works for you and him. I hope he gets some sleep soon Your doing a great job