Losing friendships...Rant.

I've discovered that since having Hannah I'm feeling "cast aside".
I know it's nothing I've done, and nothing they've done, I guess it's just one of life's "things".

But it doesn't stop the sadness I feel that 99% of my friendships have broken down since giving birth.

I'm the first of my school friends to have kids, so they don't really know how to relate to me, I guess. But I'm still me! Just a tired version of me.
My workmates, who saw me go through disappointment, month after month, while TTC. They were so happy for me when I finally got that BFP, and shared in my excitement at each turn along the 9 months of pregnancy. But I don't hear from them. I'm the one emailing and sending texts and making phonecalls, only to have them unanswered. I sometimes wonder why I bother.

I know this has been talked about in here before, and I know it's probably true of a lot of people...
But has anyone got any tips for handling this? Ways I can re-kindle the friendships?

I found out this week that my BFF is pregnant. I'm so excited for her, and I am feeling as if I have her back, if that makes sense.
We're back on the same page in life and I'm really happy. It sounds odd... but I guess that's the way life goes.

I love my girl, but I'm still me!

***eta: When I DO actually talk to them, they don't ask about Hannah. Am I being selfish in expecting them to ask about her?



Edited by MamaPickle

That's for that Peanut
I would definitely be accepting invitations to go out, but I should add that all my friends live in Wellington (including my BFF) - I'm in Tauranga.
So my workmates ARE my friends. I've worked there for 5 years, since moving here, so they became my mates outside of work, too.
But they're always so busy with work so when they do go out it's very spur of the moment. Not really ideal for someone with a bub.

I know I'll make more friends... I just find it disappointing when I make the time to get in touch but it's not reciprocated.

I lost all my friends too. They simply didnt make any attempt to keep in touch, never invited me out with them and we simply ended up not talking much anymore. I guess they didnt want to hear about pregnancy and babies, and I didnt want to talk about clothes, makeup and trivial things like that. I guess I felt that there was more to life than that and they didnt understand (or want to know)what it was like to be a mother.

On the upside - I have found a whole community of mums who have become great friends. We all have something in common - children - and we can support, share and understand where each other is coming from. I found that my old antenatal class was the best support, we have weekly coffee groups together. Ive also met a lot of friends through plunket and other events.

I guess having a baby and becoming a mother does change your focus in life and I think others just presume that it changes who you are. Its tough but it does get better.

I can understand where your friends are coming from, as I am the last of mine to have children.

I've found that they get so busy with their children and families they simply don't have time for their childless friends.

I went to a BBQ where DH and I were the only ones with out children, and all they talked about was PND and babies.
I felt really left out, and that I didn't have anything in common with my friend anymore, and while we still keep in touch we aren't as close as we used to be, and I feel I'm the one always making the effort.

If you want to remain friends then you need to make time for them like any other relationship, it takes effort on both parties, and don't exclude them just cause they don't have children.

i have no siblings and i was the first of my friends to have kids , i was funny how many people stopped inviting me to things etc and it really got me down., i even didnt get invited to 2 of my best mates weddings!! because " we just thought youd be too buisy with kids and stuff"
pretty much i dont have anything to do with any of my old friends at all.
and the few i do catch up with for lunch occasionally i find myself sitting there thinking OMG while i listen to them moan about not being able to get in to get their nails done!

i used to get really really down about not being included it felt like the world had forgotten about me.
but then my dh put it into perspective and told me to look at everything i have that they dont, and then i realised their lives must be so boring!

imy confidence got stung a bit when i had sarah and discovered the most horible bitchy coffee group ever! at plunket, so i have never been to another coffee group since, i dont have many IRL friends but the ones i have are gold, and ive got my dh so now i try not to let it bother me.

3 of my old friends who i keep in touch with still are getting married soon so will see if i get a invite!
wont hold my breath

OHbaby! saves me too Charly

I find that it's a funny mix... some of the friends who I thought I could totally rely on to come visit just don't really even talk to me anymore, but other friends that I wasn't that close to are now coming over more often and taking more of an interest!

It's hard sometimes to make conversation with my friends that ISN'T about Chloe, since I spend all day with her. And some of them totally are NOT interested in anything Chloe-related, so sometimes even when I do see them, our conversations just fizzle.

At least I've found that I'm slowly making new friends, usually ones that have very young siblings or that have kids of their own.

It's going to be strange going back to uni!

Big hugs Charly I would come hang out with you if I could!!

well, now i think im incredibly lucky !
none of my friendships have suffered since having Caitlyn, the friends i was friends with before i had C , im still as close to as ever.
I was the first of my friends to have a baby, but my one BF had her daughter 7months after C, so i can always talk to her about "kid things"
but my other BF who is as far away from having kids as you can be, has always been really understanding, and sympathetic and has never ever made me feel like im being boring when i talk about her, if i ask advice, she will give it without acting like she knows what its really like .

Im very lucky !

Oh god i'm lucky as well then. I'm the 3rd out of us girls to have a baby - my BF had her son nearly 14 years ago, and 2 of my real close friends had babies 6 months and 2 months before me, so we can still talk about baby stuff. Although I really make an effort to not talk about Thomas all the time, just so I can feel some normality as such. Life doesnt end when you have kids, and its a pity some people start excluding you just cuz you've had a baby - hell, you're still capable of going out and having fun with them, thats what babysitters are for!

Me and the girls from antenatal are going out on the town next week. Babies are getting left with daddies and we're all off to the pub. It will be great!

I can relate Charly ... my BFF is still there when I need her, however we are no longer the peas in a pod we were as we are at different points in our lives now.

Other than that ... its just DH and I (and family of course) ... our antenatal and plunket class never clicked so we dont have a coffee group ... as close to coffee group as I get is the January Mummies

DH is actually quite shy ... so even though he does lots of things with Issy he doesnt tend to make friends as such with other people with babies ... and as a SAHD he is unsure whether it "would be right" to make friends with other women I dont know, so I do feel really sorry for him sometimes, especially as he is on the other side of the world from his family.