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This is a good idea for a thread indeedy. I think it's important for people to be able to read others stories and realise they aren't the only ones who have gone through hassles.. In my job now I really try and support mums through this as I have been on both sides of the coin so can see both sides of the arguement so to speak.
ok warning this is long...
With Paris, I had no idea, most of my sisters kids had pretty much gone onto formula and bottles within a few weeks, i didn't have any role models or freinds i knew breastfeeding to ask for advice etc...
I had her at 38 weeks, Began bleeding fairly heavyish immediately after having her and had her taken from my arms and given to mike straight away because of this while they sorted me out, and then stitched me up, I didn't get my skin to skin, I don't think i even knew what the heck that was.... I was really tired lethargic and shaky and didn't have much energy. The midwife helped her to latch on and she had a little feed but not overly much and then off to postnatal we went.
I didn't leave the room, I didn't attend the breastfeeding/lactation talks, I didn't really get any help the whole time i was there, I asked i think once on the first night, because i could get her on the Left side easily but couldn't get her to latch on the right, and no-one had actually told me that this and this and this were what you were looking for and how to tell if she was feeding right or anything.. well, I rung the bell, one midwife came in, i explained my situation, she pretty much tried to force Paris onto my right side, to which paris flatly refused, she then just gave up and said, "oh, just feed her on the other side then" and walked out. I never asked for help again...seriously, never. I was left wondering what the heck i was supposed to do. the next day isn't too bad but i only really get her to latch on the right side every second time i try, and i really didn't think she was latched well either.
Day 3, I go home, that night i am sooo huge and sore, I seriously could not put my arms down by my side, They were hard as and I walked around in the bra and singlet top cos i couldn't stand anything on my skin around them. Of course i didn't know to express off a little beforehand to help Paris latch on, so of course she can't latch properly and when she does, I am so engorged that I nearly hit the roof each time.
Over the next few days things get better, I find it gets a bit easier and she seems to be latchingok, when the midwife comes round i say things are going good, cos i thought they were, of course i still don't actually ask her how i s should be doing things etc.
I also don't know that you shouldn't leave them to sleep for 6 hours straight.. i was just counting my blessings, but yeah it meant she wasn't getting enough food in 24 hours.
We get to 6 weeks, she has a growth spurt, and suddenly wakes and feeds heaps and heaps, my supply goes up even more.. it's already good hence i hadn't really worried before then about the 6 hour times in between each feed. ( We learnt when Paris was about 3 that she had a minor heart prob, but that would explain how she would sleep even if she wasn't fed and full... she still sleeps more than her 4 yr old sister).
Anyway 6 weeks is when the problems kick in. She starts screaming at feed times, she won't latch on, or if she does, she comes off screaming just as let-down happens, she crys and screams and chokes. in the months ahead, I stopped going places, cos i was always worried that she'd do that when i was out, I began to dread feed times, it was a constant waiting act for her to come off, it was nervous horrible feeling all the time. the few times that my mum and sister persuaded me to go up town i ended up with a screaming baby who wouldn't feed, screaming her way through the middle of the shopping centre, I remember sitting in the mothers room and bawling my eyes out because she just wouldn't feed yet was so hungry, and another mum comforting me and telling me that "it does get better" it felt nice for someone to tell me that but i didn't beleive her.
By 4 months, she was starting to loose weight, and finally after all this time, I decided that when she wouldn't feed from me, that i would give her a bottle of formula.... I felt like a failure. Anyone who knows me knows I set impossibly high standards for myself, and failure hits me pretty darn hard... this hit me really hard but it was a question of sanity as I was so strung out i was hallucinating from tiredness at night, I was flaking out, getting the shakes, getting anxiety attacks at home by myself (funnily enough they were at feed times i can now relate that back to..), even when she started having bottles, which she took well, I could be walking through town and get near that mothers room where i had bawled many times, and I would get palpitations, shaky, feel cold and nervous and have to sit down because i felt so ill. I was in really deep with PND. And still..... I didn't ask for help. By the time Paris was 6 months old, she was down to one feed from me, once a day, from that one side only. and one morning she woke up and didn't even take that. I tried again the next day and still nothing. So that was it, i didn't even have to wean her. All the giving formula and the sress of it all meant my milk just got less and less.
I think alot contributed to it all going wrong.. I didn't get skin to skin, I had a pretty freaky experience straight after the birth which caused alot of anxiety and i never really got over it or dealt with it, I didn't get good help and the one time i asked for help it didn't get me anywhere, I didn't know what the heck to expect at all, and i was really hard on myself.
But the main thing was, something i realised once i had Ayja... and it happened again.
However, with Ayja, I had been determined to try again, I wasn't hooked up on it, I mean i knew that if it didn't work, that girl would be getting bottles and formula straight off because my sanity was sooo not worth going through that again. I was terrified of PND and wanted to do anything to keep it at Bay. I did everything i could to equip myself with all the tools and tips and gear to make it successful. I ensured that 1 hour skin to skin time, I can remember her being weighed and dried and straight back to me, she initiated breastfeeding herself as they do when you leave them to do so, latched on beautifully and i made sure that i called the midwife back over to check she was on right a few times. I called for help to check latch a few times on the first night, and I made sure that i attended the lactation talk, which made a huge difference just to watch the "follow me mum" video and have a chat with the lactation consultant, she stopped by a number of times throughout my stay to see how things were going and to watch me feed to make sure Ayja was going on well.
Ayja was a different child too. she was tiny 6lb 2oz, 37 weeker. and man she was hungry!, I had gone to bed the night before I had her at 11pm, woke 1am in labour, had her at 4.30am and had visitors most of the day, then BAM, she woke up that night and decided to cluster feed, it was intense, I was getting 10 mins dozing every hour or so then she'd wake again and back on. I was exhausted and she did this again the next night, I was very happy though that she was a great feeder. I went home and was just soooo very very tired but she kept up the wonderful feeding and when weighed at 5 days old, she hadn't lost weight, she'd gained half a pound!! I also had my sister staying which made a hgue difference as she not only helped out with Paris, but she also would get up with me for some feeds at night, make me a milo and toast and chat with me. It was just so much nicer, I felt supported, and Ayja thrived on it. She gained weight in leaps and bounds and literally grew beautifully in those first few weeks and months she'd go up by half and even a few times whole pounds between weighs.
I had a wee moment, when she was about a week old, my sister was still staying, and we went back off to that same shopping centre for dinner one friday evening. Ayja decided that she needed a feed, so off I took her to the mother's room , The same one I had cried in a few times. I nearly cried again then, but not because i was sad, but because it was just such a releif, to just go in there, she hoped on, fed wonderfully and about 10-15 minutes later we were back out with the rest of the family looking around the shops with a happily milk-filled little girl sleeping in her buggy.
What id did find though, was again at 6 weeks, we had the sreaming, choking pulling off and not wanting to feed. however this time i asked, anyone and everyone, and found some wonderful advice on a certain parenting forum, whereby another person had had the same problem, and had found that it was because she had a very strong fast let down once her milk increased around the 6 week growth spurt mark. So i tried it out, her advice to go with it if baby pulled off it was because she had learned to anticipate the letdown meaning she'd choke with the force at first. I had a towel handy, popped it over for a minute or so until the force had settled down, and then re-latched her..perfect, all solved, as easy as that. I sorely wish i had that advice with Paris as I was very very sure that would have helped tremendously with her as it really had all seemd to really go downhill after that 6 week mark and i couldn't figure out why.
Ayja is my success story with BF, I perservered, she was a great feeder and i got all the help i could lay my hands on. I went back to study when she was 11 weeks old and by then she was in a great routine, unfortunately it kinda went out the window with daycare, but i was just across the road so they'ed ring me if she'd need a feed in between times, otherwise I'd feed before class, at morning tea, lunchtime afternoon break and when i picked her up. When i went on placements she did have to have bottles, which at first were of EBM, until i realised that my dear wee girls would rather go hungry or just have solids than take her milk from anything other than me.. and all the EBM was being wasted as she flatly refused bottles. It was then that I did start introducing formula sachets as something daycare could try if they thought she was needing milk when i was on placement and couldn't get back to feed her.
I breastfed her up until 15 months. From about 13 months it was mainly during the night time and she'd have milk from a cup during the day, or water because she loved her water. At 15months i started my nursing job, and decided that really she didn't need to be waking up 2 or 3 times a night for a breastfeed. I figured that at that age, she really should be sleeping through... (lol at 4 and a half she still doesn't sleep through now)
Sorry, that was extremely very loooong. but hopefully helpful. If you have a bad experience, don't always let it put you off, things can turn around and each child is different. Paris was a sleeper and i had no idea about BF, Ayja, was a feeder (definately NOT a sleeper), and i had as much help as i could and was well supported throughout.
I am so glad i had a great expereince the second time around, I am just so sad that I missed out on that with Paris.
Edited by mum2paris
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