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Raich 
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Joined: 27 June 2011
Location: Auckland
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 Topic: Getting Married
Posted: 03 August 2011 at 1:27pm |
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My partner and I are expecting our first baby this month. For various reasons we are considering getting married at a Registry Office. It would mean a lot to me if I could share the same name as my child on her birth certificate and we can be a real family.
We both still really want to have a traditional ceremoney infront of family and friends and hope to still do this as soon as we can afford.
I guess I'm asking what you think about our idea. Is it okay to get married quietly by the law first and then to have a proper wedding ceremoney not too long after.
Technically it will be a 'renewal of vows' ceremoney as we will already be married and we will consider the first civil marriage as our official wedding anniversary. However we will not feel properly married unitl we do it properly infront of all of our loved ones.
My partner is not very religious, however I AM and it is hugely important to me for our marriage to be blessed by god. Therefore I want to be married asap. But a registry office wedding is not a religious one so does it count? I know God is everywhere and in all things therefore I'm not worried that he won't witness our marriage if it's not in a Church, but it would be important to have our marriage blessed my a minister or someone in order for it to be recognised by God and not just a bit of paper signed at a court...
Is it all worth it just so that I can have peace of mind..? Or should we just wait until we can do it all proper in a traditional/religious ceremoney..?
Edited by Guest_49001
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MrsEmma
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Joined: 19 March 2009
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 1:47pm |
Hiya
I think if you want to get married now and do the renewal in a while then go for it!! I think it's a great way for you to get the best of both worlds, being married when your child is born which is important to you as well as having your friends and family there to witness your renewal which is also important to you.
Could a celebrant perhaps attend your registry office wedding to add in the religous side of things? I'm not sure how registry offices work but surely an extra person there to bless the marriage wouldn't be an issue and then you could use the same celebrant to do your vow renewal?
All the very best 
Edited by MrsEmma
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Mucky_Tiger
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 1:57pm |
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we are very much considering getting married at the registry office pre children and later say in 10years have a ceremony where we say our vowels to each other and have that as our big wedding.
u have a few reasons:
the cost of a big wedding now isnt one we need to spend when we can do it cheaply and save for a bigger one and not have to be in debt to do it
i dont have anyone to be bridesmaids
i want to become one of my DPs family pre kids so we all share the same name
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Mucky_Tiger
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 1:59pm |
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oh and if you want it to be religious you can have a celebrant do it so long as you have two witnesses and recieve your forms in time.
but i think it takes 2 weeks from when they recieve the forms to when you get yours so you may be pushed to do it in less than a month.
especially as you still have to book a time/day at the resistry office
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Jacobsmumma
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 3:21pm |
I would say go for it and get married in a registry office now, then have a 'big white wedding' later when you can really afford it. Then your baby will be part of the celebrations too. We were married in the UK in a registry office and unfortunately not many family could come over due to work committments, so we promised them a renewal of vows/reception when we can afford it. This prob won't be for another 5-8 years, but I'm ok with that 
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CrazyCass
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 3:32pm |
I say go for it to! :) We did a quiet ceremony while away on holiday (with 2 witnesses cause thats all we needed in Canada), then had a big party at home for family.
Could you talk to your pastor about what the options are for him/her to officiate the ceremony? I know if you know them well they often do it for a lower fee. Then you'll be able to incorporate your beliefs into the initial ceremony. I am sure God will bless whichever option you choose 
And others have said, including you child(ren) in a later ceremony will be pretty special as well.
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_H_
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 5:32pm |
 Guest_49001 wrote:
It would mean a lot to me if I could share the same name as my child on her birth certificate and we can be a real family. |
This is also really important to me. To me it sounds like something that you really want to do so I say go for it. My DF isnt religious either but Im planning for someone (most likely my mum) to do a religious reading at our wedding and Im also thinking of getting our wedding rings blessed before our wedding
Edited by Halted
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JD
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Posted: 03 August 2011 at 10:17pm |
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Hiya
Im not sure its a good idea for you to rush into getting married just because your baby is due this month. I know you said you want to do it anyway, but I believe it should be soley because you want to share you life with that man and not because you want to share the same name on the birth certificate. A traditional wedding doesn't need to be a big expensive affair...it can be very beautiful and special with family and friends around.
If you were to get married at a registry office, it will absolutely be blessed by God because you are entering into a covernant with each other and God honours that.
There is something very special about walking down the aisle a single woman and then leaving together as husband and wife...It is also a special moment for you to share with your father when he walks you down the aisle and gives you away.
I guess what I am trying to say is that either way you go about it, you can make it special....but I would wait until it is an occasion that is for just you and DP and not for the reasons of you sharing your baby's name.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
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caliandjack
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Posted: 04 August 2011 at 10:19am |
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Do what ever you want, a wedding as individual as the people getting married.
If being married before God is important to you then discuss this with your minister/pastor.
Being Married is wonderful and being a family is even better.
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Flossie
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Posted: 05 August 2011 at 7:03pm |
My cousins did this, not because they were having a baby but because he (my cousin) needed to marry her due to work/visa issues and then about 6 months later they had the ceremony. no one seemed to mind that they did this so I dont see why it would be a problem - Go for it I say and GL 
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babydoll09
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Posted: 09 August 2011 at 10:37am |
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I thought id add my lil bit.
Me and DH got married officially at the wedding registry (no minister just the person there) even tho on babies birth certificate it says maiden name underneath your name i still wanted the same name, but it was mainly for a house and bank and bills. We haven't told hardly anyone this, so i still use my maiden name for things that aren't important like facebook or library cards ect. I want a proper wedding as i feel a lil ripped doing it this way but at the time it didn't seem sensible to have a pricey wedding. I just wear my engagement ring, no wedding ring. Im prego with number 1 due in feb and am planning on having our wedding january 2013, the idea is to renew our vows but i don't think im going to tell people we are already married(maybe afterwards) as i don't want it to detract from my wedding day.
Goodluck and hope this helps
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High9
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Posted: 09 August 2011 at 11:05am |
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DP and I are going to do the registry office sometime and a family gathering afterwards. We are both unsure about a wedding in front of friends and family but once we are married there is nothing stopping us from doing it afterwards! I say go for it! It can be really frustrating having a different last name to your baby and I can see why my mum ended up changing my last name from my dads to hers!
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Getting Married
