Day care - how to know if they hate it?

Hi there,

My son is in daycare 2 days a week. At first I could drop him and collect him and he would barely notice. Now when I leave him he cries and reaches for me and seems really upset. I hand him to someone and leave as fast as I can with him still crying in the background. When I pick him up he's fine til he sees me and then it's the same again - crying hard and reaching for me. There have been some changes there - a favourite member of staff left and they don't seem to have many stable staff right now. So I'm worried, does he hate the place and should we change or is this just normal 11 month old behaviour?

Ollie also has periods like this.  Talking to the staff is a really good idea, but you could also just find a spot where he can't see you when you arrive to pick him up.  If you can see him before he sees you, you should get a good idea of how things are going when he doesn't know you are there. 

I have a friend who said her daughter did exactly this - cried when she left and again when she picked her up.  Other than that she was very happy there.

DD#1 was in daycare from about 7 months old. She did the same thing where she seemed quite settled and then went rhough a period of crying when I left. I was told by the staff that she was okay within a minute or 2 of me leaving. One day I left and then waited out of sight and sure enough she was really happy. It was a protest at me leaving. If you do this MAKE SURE that you can't be seen because it will set them off even more.

By the way children will go through this phase at least 2 or 3 times during the daycare years (up to 5). Sometimes it comes as a shock as you think they have been through this phase and are over it.

I would say that you should go with your instinct as to whether the daycare is a good place. There are reasons you chose the place in the first instance. Are these still valid? If so then just ride out the phase.

All the best.

Thanks everyone. I called during the day and they said that he was having a lovely time, not crying at all. It's hard cos he obviously finds it upsetting but I know he's getting far more interesting stimulation being there than at home with me every day. Lots of hugs when we're at home together to make up for it!

It sounds like separation anxiety which is really normal at that age, if you google it you will find heaps of information about it (and lots of varying advice too of course! )