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Renata85 
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 Topic: Bonding with your baby
Posted: 05 October 2011 at 2:25pm |
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How do you promote good bond between you and your baby?
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nat1234
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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 2:34pm |
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Lots of eye contact and lots of time. I didn't bond with my second baby straight away, it took about 3 weeks, which was terrifying at the time. I didn't tell anyone, not even my husband and pretended like everything was fine. I had quite a traumatic birthing experience and I think that was the cause. Then one day, it dawned on me that I did love her and it was such a relief. I think "fake it till you make it" was my motto and it worked in the end, now I can't imagine not loving her and it feels like that was someone else. Not everyone bonds with their baby straight away (like I did with my first) and I think it just takes lots of time and contact, breast or bottle feeding, snuggling, bathing and talking.
Edited by nat1234
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Evelyn4409
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Joined: 07 September 2011
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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 2:57pm |
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To be honest - I am VERY worried about not being able to bond with baby. I am not by any means a 'child friendly' person. Like, I don't know what to do when my friends bring their kids around. I'm not one to ask to hold a child, I'm usually forced into it, and then I just look at it and become all 'well, what am I meant to do with it??'
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MrsMJD
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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 3:12pm |
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I'm learning new ways everyday. Sometimes it's something as simple as watching her sleep.
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pudgy
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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 3:17pm |
Evelyn it's a totally different ballpark once your own babe arrives 
We had lots of skin to skin in tne early days, lots of touch and cuddles, eye contact and talking. Co-sleeping/ bed sharing and babywearing are also fantastic ways of promoting attachment. Just make sure you are doing these safely
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Nikki
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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 5:25pm |
Evelyn - I was the same - but had no problem bonding with my own bubs! I still don't really like many other kids! lol. But I adore my kids and some of the coffee group kids and my nieces.
I didn't do anything specific, the bond just developed over time. It was probably more "instant" with my second child as I knew what the bond would be like. 
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DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs)
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n00b_mum
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Posted: 05 October 2011 at 8:26pm |
Just saying out loud to her (while looking her in the eyes if possible - if they are open or looking at me)
"I Love You!"
It really helps me when I'm rather frazzled and she is in a grump just to stop and remember - I love her, totally and utterly. I may not love what she is doing right then and there, I may not love the lack of sleep or how hard I'm finding being a mum, but I love her.
I too was terrified that I would not bond with my baby - however once I got over the initial shock of giving birth, and the sleep deprivation, I can now say I'm totally smitten!
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Evelyn4409
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Posted: 06 October 2011 at 9:04am |
Oh good - that's a massive relief! Thanks ladies
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MissAngel
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Posted: 06 October 2011 at 6:06pm |
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I am the least maternal person I know. I never liked other peoples children, I hated being in the mall with kids everywhere and then I got pregnant. Something in me changed (hurray hormones) and as soon as I held my son for the first time, everything just clicked.
I had the fear that I wouldnt bond with him because I had a c-section and chose not to have skin to skin straight away. Breast feeding failed almost instantly and I started to freak out. Within a week, I was a doting parent cooing and goo gooing at him like anyone else. I think it's just one of those instantanious things that happens when you give birth - be it natural or c-section. Hormones are your friend!
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Alex, Thomas and Lily 
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Hopes
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Posted: 06 October 2011 at 6:57pm |
Oh, don't worry, Evelyn. I wanted kids a lot, but distinctly remember being pregnant and having my sister, BIL and some friends with two young children round for tea. BIL was making animal noises and funny faces to crack the kids up, and I was thinking 'there's no way I can do this. I dont' even feel the slightest bit tempted to make animal noises or anything equally silly'. I mentioned it to Mum, who said 'you wait, it's different when it's your own baby'. And just yesterday I must have spent a good quarter of an hour making monkey noises because it was cracking the boy up - things change  
Edited by Hopes
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AbzandH
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Posted: 07 October 2011 at 8:48am |
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The only thing I suggest is in the early days, really limit the visitors!! I felt I didn't bond straight away because every other man and their dog was there holding him, changing him, passing him back to me for a feed (which was going horrible at the time) at times I thought he didn't even need me apart from feeding. And then when I got tough with all the visitors it just clicked! And as much as I loved living at the parents with my bf for the first year, as soon as we moved out we all connected so much stronger!
Oh and there's only a small handful of kids I like hahaha
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Evelyn4409
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Posted: 10 October 2011 at 12:34pm |
Thats very handy to know AbzandH. I know this baby is going to be well-loved with the amount of family we have around us. I know my mother in paticular (god bless her though, because she will just be wanting to help as much as she can) will be taking the in-your-face approach to visiting..... So maybe making sure I have enough alone time with baby and hubby together will help with bonding.
Hopes - I totally know what you mean. Looking at the father of some child and thinking 'OMG you are a moron - I could never do that'. But I am glad that everyone has the same opinion that it will all change when you have your own.
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lisa85
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Posted: 10 October 2011 at 9:45pm |
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It took me weeks to really bond. I'd say the twins were a good two or 3 months old before I really fell in love with them. That's not to say I didn't love them I just wasn't all mushy and bonded to them emotionally in the first couple of months. I was on auto pilot feeding, changing and sleeping. I didn't have much time to be mushy lol. But I think a lot of Mums have this. I felt a need to protect them and I found taking care of their needs a very natural and easy transition. But the lovey mushy bonding thing took time for me. It was ok though I didn't have any depression and both me and the babies were happy and healthy ;) I was just VERY busy!
Edited by lisa85
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Bonding with your baby
