New baby, stepkid and the EX wife oh my!

My partner has a five year-old daughter and a psycho ex wife from his marriage.

I actually don't worry that much about my partner's daughter's reaction. She's really good around babies and enjoys helping me around the house (even insists that she gets to push the buttons on the washing machine when it's time to do laundry!) so I suspect that she'll be at worst be fine with the new addition, but more than likely will be really happy to have a sibling even if it is only a 'half.'

The ex is another story. She is almost a caricture of every horrible sterotype about ex wives. She tries to cancel/delay visits, slams down the phone when my partner tries to phone his daughter and is constantly filling the daughter's head with horrible lies about my partner and I. The other day the little girl wanted to know if I really stole all of daddy's because it was making mummy really sad!

Further confounding things is that my partner is also in the middle of a custody battle to move into a shared care arrangement with his daughter which is the ex is fighting tooth and nail as she will lose substantial child support payments (currently $330 pw). We are at the point of having a psychological report done which is the last stop before a full hearing.

I worry that once the ex finds out I'm pregnant she's likely to go even nuttier than she already is. Any tips on navigating that particular minefield?

We aren't goint to tell the daughter until at least 12 weeks but we are going to do our best to include her in the pregnancy and make her feel special and loved in her new 'big sister' role.

I hate to say it but she probably will go even more psycho on you guys, but just let it wash over you. If you even acknowledge her 'tantrums' she'll only get worse.

My Mom always said the best thing to do to your enemies.... Is be nice to them.... It drives them nuts when they're trying to get a fight out of you and you just smile and ignore it.

Focus on your family and she'll eventually realise that she wasting her time, or she'll get bored and stop. Worst case is that she'll go really nutty and loose it completely, but then she'll probably loose the custody battle if she does.

Stay calm and always be the bigger person.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Congrats on your pregnancy...

IM(not so humble)O I think that people that use their children in the middle of a battle of adults are the lowest of the low....

Sorry can't add much else other than what everyone else has said

HI there - congrats on your pregnancy! I too have the ex from hell (and hello, he left when Miss 14 was only 10 months) and he delights in making the susequent pregnancies difficult.

Having said that, he can only make it as difficult as I let him. We moved to using Barnados and the Salvation Army Together Time as changeover venues (he could not arrive until 15 min after I left, and any aberation and misbehaviour on his or my DD's part was reported to the court); I kept a record and saved text messages, and got my DF and I a really good counsellor just to vent to. Then I ignored the bad behaviour, just like he was a toddler.

Much, much more beneficial to me - my BP lowered and this time around he's been hardly any trouble.

Could you apply to the court for the 10 sessions of counselling and have some of them joint with your partner's ex, so that there is a proffessional's record of how she reacts to the news?

Please feel free to PM me if you need anything.