The other halfs hobbies

Bless ... it really sucks being pg and emotional doesn't it?

My DH is a surfer and gym junkie (and full time SAHD), he gets to the gym most days while I am at work and the kids go into the gym creche.

The surfing has been pretty much non existent since the kids have come because we cant really take them with us yet and we cant expect someone to mind both of them .. so that has been put on the back burner till they are a little older.

I do find that if DH doesnt get to spend any time on his hobby that he resents the kids .. so we make time for him to do the things outside of the house so he feels like a person as opposed to just a Dad.

I know what ya mean FionaO, my partner goes to Martial Arts two nights a week, which is about 3 hours each time, then tennis once a week for a few hours, and in the winter it's rugby (instead of tennis) for a weekday training and most of Saturday... but if he doesn't do something he goes a bit mental and he doesn't go out drinking and stuff like that so I'd much rather he was doing what he's doing and keeping sane around home. My DF works around 12 hours a day though so I think if he didn't do something, he'd feel like his whole life is work... But it does get frustrating for me when I just want him home, or to help out a bit more...

Like the other girls say i guess it's about balancing the pros and cons. Better to have a happy hubby who has some time to himself than grumpy hubby home all the time. It's good that he has limited the time, that shows that he is aware of the impact.

But what i would say is make sure you have you time too. Make one night a week yours to do whatever, visiting friend, walk, join a group, just something about you.

DH is a gamer (WoW, for those that know it...).
Before kids he played two nights a week (Weds and Fri) and a full day on Sunday. This worked fairly well for us as I worked 3 out of 4 weekends and late on Thurs and Fri nights.
So when I had a weekend off we'd spend all day Saturday together and I'd get a day to myself on Sunday.

Once Hannah came along he carried on with the same routine until I absolutely blew my stack at him (that's putting it lightly). I'm not one for ultimatums, and he does NOT respond to them. But I had no choice and we had a very shaky few days.

These days he plays once I've gone to bed (which is early, with two kids) and will play the odd Friday night.

It's definitely about finding a balance and it's very easy for a hobbie to run away on you.
And VERY easy to get upset about it.

I think, once you have two kids, he'll come around. He'll realise the workload almost quadruples for a while and cut you some slack

Thanks ladies thats helped heaps - Dh is a really good husband and sometimes I need to spend time remembering that, I guess this pregnancy hasn't been easiest and whilst he encourages me to do something for me all I really want to do is sleep.

I think you are right I need to find something for me, that gives me a bit of balance even if that something isn't until apres baby now. I haven't been doing that much of late, I was pretty ill in the 1st half of this pregnancy and with all the build up to the race there hasn't been much time lately but I think I will start to take bacl

I think its just his thought that 2 or 3 hours riding in an evening is going to be ok when I am already worrying about how I will manage two kids with no family support (all overseas) but you are right he'll probably see that too, he is not unreasonable.

I hate the emotional part of pregnancy just ranting about this earlier had me in tears in the work loos which is silly its not that bad.

in winter...

Monday night - futsal
tuesday night - soccer training
wednesday night - (sometimes) turf soccer (hockey pitch)
thursday night - soccer training and futsal/indoor
friday night - night off
saturday - soccer during the day for a few hours
sunday - day off.


summer...
monday night - futsal
tuesday night - nothing
wednesday night - date night
thursday night - futsal/indoor
friday night - nothing
saturday night - nothing
sunday night - nothing


works 8-5, is gone 7.30-5.30. quite often his game times will mean he doesnt come home first so will be gone from 7.30am and get home about 8-9pm.


to be honest, i would rather let him do his own thing and be round on weekends because he is a great dad and a great 'other half'. he cooks, cleans and takes over if i have something to do or dont feel well, or just generally wants to spend time with R. always gets in Rs playpen with him and plays, changes his nappy every morning and comes home at lunch time everyday to see him.


happy to let him have his 'man time' because i dont want him to give up everything he did before me and DS, 'just because'.... however if he suddenly took something up while he was with me... i would be a bit more reluctant to let him go with the same vigor he plays his soccer. (iygwim?)



in saying all this... R is our first and is a great sleeper (normally) so its not hard to look after him on my own. if i had 2 other kids and preg with a 3rd... i would not be as lax about how many nights a week during summer he is gone.

also he feels guilty when he spends too many nights out and always stays home if im not 100%. always asks me if he can go out with his friends too.

lol guys have hobbies and us women - we have children

My DH has a few hobbies - mainly hunting (which unil lately he was going every 2nd weekend for 2-3 days!) we have a dog so its good to get her out and running but you kinda feel a bit lonesome when they dissapear all the time.

DH's other hobby is his boat/diving. He goes out probably 2 times a week/weekend. I understand that sometimes he needs time out with his friends but when he goes out friday and saturday leaves at 5am and doesn't come home till dark its a but frustrating.

And then they don't understand when you get angry that you need some time out.... cos you know, being a SAHM you get all the time in the world to do what YOU want

I guess I'm lucky in that DH is only out one night a week (geek-night ) and then sometimes on the weekends he'll have a motorkhana or something.... But he also works at least 40 hours a week, plus shares in looking after Nat, so while sometimes I do get a bit about it, that really is more about preggie hormones than resenting his time out.

The thing that has really helped has been trying to get out myself and catch up with friends etc (my 'hobbies' are all pretty much homebound ones atm), so that I also get some time out.

Obviously that's going to change somewhat with #2 coming along soon, but I really think it's important to have that individual time out, because while yes, you are a family, you're also individual people, and I know for me, I *need* to have some time away from being a Mum/wife/housecleaner/cook/student (the list goes on!), and have some time to just be me.

I guess I'm lucky that both DH and I accept that it's healthy for both of us to have time out, and it's only when that gets unbalanced that either of us (usually me ) gets resentful.

Sorry, that was a ramble - and pretty much echoed what everyone else said