The Guy’s Perspective

My sister (one of the few people that know we are TTC), sent me this article from the Courier Mail. She thought I would like to read it, and I think you guys will too:

The view from the front of the rollercoaster..

I’m going to be honest. I’ve had a meltdown. An incident at a BBQ on the weekend had me in tears over something so stupid, which I will share with you one day soon, but I just need a little headspace/rest for a few days.

So to help me out of a rut, hubby has written todays blog for me.

Grab your tissues, when he told me he wanted to write something for me I didn’t know this was what he wanted to say.

Seeing anyone go through pain or disappointment is something I take no pleasure in. So when it’s your wife who is facing these challenges it just breaks your heart.

As readers of this blog would know, Emily and I have been trying to fall pregnant for some time now, and all I can say is what an emotional rollercoaster ride these past 12 months has been.

I was so excited by our decision to start trying for a baby. I wasn’t just excited because of the increase in the time spent in the bedroom, although what guy isn’t, but I was most excited about starting our family.

I always knew I wanted to be a young Dad, my own father passed away when I was 19 and his father also passed away when he was 19, so although it is purely superstitious, there is a niggling part of me that fears the same, so I want to spend as much time with my children as I can.

That and fatherhood looks like so much fun. I can’t wait to just do things with my kids. Kick a footy with them or take them to the big footy games, coach their sporting teams, go skiing and have adventures with them. I want to be young enough to enjoy doing all these things with them and not be a spectator to them

Our baby rollercoaster ride came down from the exciting high when we didn’t fall pregnant straight away, but then up again when Emily was a week or so late, then back down again as another month went past and still not pregnant. And so on and so forth for the past 12 months.

Ever positive, Emily and I lay awake at night talking about meeting our children, what we will name them, what are they going to be like, who will they look like, the attributes we hope they have and the parenting tactics we will use.

So when that time of the month comes I try not to ask many questions, not wanting to put any more pressure on her, but I’m always dying to know “are we pregnant?”.

We have had a few heartbreaking false starts where we thought we were ‘good to go’, but each month all I have seen is the look of sheer disappointment in Emily’s eyes.

Emily’s seems to think that she needs to say sorry to me every time we find out we are not pregnant. I have the view that this is a team effort, no one is to blame, so it upset me when Emily puts all the pressure on herself. I feel helpless when Emily does this. I just try to reassure her that our little miracle will happen.

I’m not worried at all that we won’t get a baby in the end, it’s just how we get that baby that I’m focused on now… with help, with drugs, with diet, with IVF. I see my role now as being the family cheerleader and keeping EJ positive and moving forward when all she wants to do it cry and stay in bed or worse, forget about it all together. Her knee jerk reaction is to say ‘we don’t need a baby, we can be happy with just the two of us’.

We can, I don’t doubt it, but we can be better and more fulfilled with little people in our lives, I’m sure of it.

However I recognize it can be hard when all your friends are having children and or are pregnant, I’ve noticed it can add unneeded pressure. I feel women (or maybe it’s just Emily) feel it’s some sort of race or competition, but you can only control the variables because everything else is a miracle.

With that said I some times wonder how many other blokes are going through this difficult rollercoaster ride like me, because it’s honestly not something you openly talk about while having a beer with a mate at the pub.

‘What was the score in the footy?, How’s work?, How’s your infertility going?

Nope, the closest you get to that conversation is eating the free nuts.

Link to Article

Thats really well done. DP likes talking to other couples who went through fertility treatment cos it gives him some sense of comoraderie (sp?) with the men since we were going down that route while TTC Jae... but Emilys hubby is right... you just dont know WHO out of your friends is struggling too, because its not something openly talked about.

AM, is that in todays courier?? I might have to keep an eye out and point it out to DP when he gets home.

AM- thanks for posting... definately a 'snowtex' moment!

Thats a great article! Will have to shoe DH when I get home!