What do you do when DH doesn’t want to BD

This feels a bit strange discussing such an intimate issue with basically strangers; but I've got no one else I can talk to, and I know you guys will understand better than anyone. Pre TTC, my DH & I didn't normally have sex much more than once a week. And DH has never been keen on having kids, but he claims to have come around to the idea recently (we had agreed 2 years ago to have a baby around now). Yet he still makes comments sometimes (joking apparently) that suggest he'd be quite happy not having one.

We started to TTC last month, and I started temping on fertility friend. We ended up missing the fertile time, as we BD once at the start, and then again one day too late as DH didn't want to do it again so soon. I am right in my fertile period right now, and ovulation might happen any day (no dip in my temps like last month, yet). We had an argument last night as he says he feels pressured, and is completely off having sex. I can't help but think that when it comes down to it, he doesn't want me to get pregnant - he's sure doing a good job of stopping it so far! I've always said I'd never deceive him or lie to get pregnant, and thought that he'd like the idea of focusing when to have sex on the best time of the month, but now he says he doesn't want to know anything about it. That's all good and well, but I'm going to have to be very good at predicting my cycle to get it right with just one go! So I'm thinking maybe I should look at using OPK's, to predict the best time, but I don't know anything about them. So if anyone can give me some info I'd appreciate it.

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? Would appreciate your thoughts….

I actually read about men not wanting sex often in a magazine, it said that you may find that there will be an underlying problem like he has a self esteem issue, or he could be afraid of you getting pregnant and seeing you go through that, could be worried about being a dad and how he will cope or he could be worried about money! Its a variety of things and being a couple that is TTC makes it even worse coz dang it is super stressful!

We went through periods of that and u have to spice it up to make it "fun" and not routine. I reckon i got pregnant coz of the makeup sex lol

Have a chat to him tell him to be open and honest and go from there. Tell him u wont leave him alone until he opens up and tells you why its so hard for him to lie there and take it like a man

Good Luck

I don't have any personal experience, but I know my friend and her partner avoided the whole 'temping and charting' thing because of the pressure it put on him to "perform"... it made it more of a process of reproduction (which of course it is) than a special moment between the two.

Anyway, the casual ttc path worked for them and she got preg within 3 months

Thanks guys, I think I will go the casual ttc way for a while. I guess I've been worried because my mum had fertility problems, but now I've seen from last month that I do ovulate I can probably relax anyway. I know what you mean jacobsmama; neither of us were that interested in having kids when we got married; but suddenly that all changed for me. I definately don't want to get pregnant unless he is 100% in support of it because it is such a big thing.

< language=> well heres my story, when the husband & I got together & knew we were serious getting married & having a child was in our 5 year plan. Well after having a miscarrige after being together 18 months made us realise that we wanted this very much so everything was moved forward. It took 2 years exactly from when we decided to TTC to me conceiving our baby. However during the two years & especially in the last few months we were beginning to feel the pressure (I charted on Fertility Friend cause my cycles were so whacked) and the husband felt "peformance" stress esp as we both wanted it so bad & knew it was curtical to be loving at a certain time. On the month we did concieve i ad pretty much throwen in the towel & was pretty much convinced that we would ave to go the IVF way. As soon as we relaxed... & had more fun and tried not to worry (cause no matter what they say that you should forget it its always in the back of your mind) we got preggers.

ANYWAY ttc is a stressful time i think its real important that you have a good discussion about the subject, esp if your taking the casual approach which is great but make sure he is happy with you being pregnant as it will/can still happen.

Now that kinda sounds confusing.....but im sure you will get what I mean.

Good Luck with it all & hope the journey is short n sweet

We had 18 months of TTC. I tried to do the temp thing but it was all a bit much for my blondess and I didn't know about Fertility Friend until I was already preg and joined here.

I went to the GP in September to find out if we could do some tests to see why we weren't preg yet, tests were due in November and what do ya know... I got preg end of October! This was after we decided to go casual on the BDing days and just see what the tests came back with.

So I agree, TRY to forget about the charting etc and just go for it