PND and thinking of another child

Hi ya,

So this is my first time here so "Hi" to everyone!

I am a bit scared at the moment. With first child (He is now 4 yrs) had severe PND. Was on meds till Oct last year. Always wanted to have heaps of kids but PND kinda got in they way. DH and I are trying to get pregnant right now.

Was wondering if there was anyone out there that had PND and went on to having another child. What were your experiences etc.

Thanks for your help.

Bee



Edited by Bee

Hi Amber,

Thanks for the reply. I was beginning to think I was alone in the world.


B

Hi Bee, I just wanted to echo what Amber said

Morning Ladies.

Thanks for making me feel so welcome. I guess I am just over analysing things (as usual). Just need to relax and go with the flow.

Kerryn, I do hope that you begin to see a light at the end of that dark tunnel. I still battle everyday, but doc told me betta to be off meds if i can.....

Jess, I'll be thinkin of ya too.

B

Hi there, I had PND after I had my oldest, who is turning 4 this year. I think the first thing you have to do is consider your support networks and how your hubby and you got through it last time, and also being able to recognise syptoms or signs that things are starting to turn a bit pear-shaped and you need some time out. The first 6 months of Paris's life went by in a black haze of which most i cannot remember. There were alot of other issues around healthprobs and feeding probs with that which i think complicated it. Since then we have learnt to work together, after i finally told miek what i was going through.. he'd had no idea and was so sad that i was worried he'd think i was cuckoo and pack up with baby and leave..he has been my rock, i still have some bad days, with studying it was mainly when i had alot of other things going on too and jsut got too darn tired. Tiredness and stress are my triggers.

When i found i was having #2, I was petrified. That time i got off luckily, with a heck of alot of support from family, (my sister came and stayed with us for around 3 weeks after i had Ayja), I had gotten more aware of what my triggers for depression and down days were, sadly in all that my partner became depressed instead as he did not want a 2nd child and found it extremely hard to adjust to the idea of how he could possibly fit two babies into his heart. I found it so hard and sad to watch him go through it, Can't begin to imagine how he would have felt watching me. I was overcome by this amazing "instant love" thing, for Ayja, After i had Paris i was sure the whole world was lying to me because i honestly didn't feel it, I felt numb instead. HAving a good experience with Ayja was a bit bittersweet, because then i actually knew what i had missed out on the first time.

We have just found out this week we are having our 3rd very surprise baby, and are hoping, after all this time, we have sorted out the kinks, and can support each other and work as a team as we have learnt to do through all this.. and hopefully get away without either of us having to go through it... if it happens i hope we have both learnt enough to support each other through it and i knopw our family is always there to help us out, I have learnt to swallow my pride and just ask and admit when i need help.

Good luck with TTC, it's a scary unknown road as to whether you'll get it again, how bad, etc. but the best you can do is make sure the supports are there from day one, and hope like hell it stays away and lets you enjoy your baby this time. good luck

Edited by mum2paris

emz wrote: Good luck with TTC! Re: PND, a friend's mother had PND with him, but was fine for #2. I guess it's one of those things, anyone could get it and because it's a hormonal thing, you don't necessarily have a disposition to it just because you've had it before. I think.. anyway

Unfortunately if you have had PND once, you are statistically more likely to get it again than someone who has never had it. The same goes for people with a history of general depression.

That said, it doesn't mean that you WILL get it. I have had clinical depression on and off all my adult life and yet I haven't had PND at all. After Maya was born was actually one of the more stable periods for me. The gremlins have tested me a lot and I am currently on medication but it's not a PND thing, more a case of lots of full on things happening at the same time and me struggling to keep up.

When we were TTC #2 my doctor said it would be better for the pregnancy if I was able to be off my meds, but not a neccessity as some depression/anxiety meds are safe during pregnancy.

I think the important thing is like Janine said - the support networks you have set up. The more support you have the easier it is to reach out for help. And I've found in my own personal experience that now that I am able to recognise the onset of depression when it very first begins, I am better equipped to deal with it then rather than let it fester until I implode.

Further to emz question..

I feel that I had suffered depression all through my adult life. Having my first just seemed to bring it all to the front. My mother had also suffered depression throughout her life and still does suffer.

Support networks are really great but how does one cope when there isn't really any family around that is able to assist you when you most need it??

I totally feel for first time parents now, especially when one parent suffers from depression. There really needs to be more assistance to the first time parent who feels that he/she is totally alone.

Gone are the days when Mum was next door and grandma was two houses down and mums were at home to raise the kids. The supporrt was around then, but not now.....

Hmm, just pondering...

I can sympathise with making yourself get out and about being shy, I am a bit shy also. Spend too much time worrying what others think of me, than just getting out and living. And I do appreciate all of the thoughts and opinions that have been shared since I joined only last week!
mum2paris, the pictures that you have on your signature show 2 very bright, gorgeous, happy girls and you are doing a great job with the resources that you have!

Maya wrote: In my teens I struggled hugely with it but I've now reached the point of acceptance - it's never going to go away so I just have to enjoy the good periods and work thru the tough ones.

It sux going through your teenage years, with all that is going on, and then there is the depression factor.

I am beginning to adopt te above thought of getting through the bad, but enjoing the good.

Thanks Maya

Funnily enough when I've had a lot of stress going on I've found the most support here. I don't have family in Auckland (well I do but I don't like them so they don't count ) and I'm a bit of a martyr about asking for help, so OHbaby! has been a real lifeline over the years.