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mamanee 
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Hamilton
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 Topic: Birthing Partner Advice
Posted: 25 July 2007 at 6:33pm |
Ok, so my stepsister is due to have her first baby on the 22nd of August, but her specialist is 90% certain that they will have her induced this coming Monday. Her birthing partner is her mum, except her mum and my dad are currently having a five week holiday in the USA and will not be back for another two weeks!!!!
So I am the next port of call.
Has anyone got any advice for me as to what I should do to help her while she is in labour and giving birth as having a caesar, I don't know what labour is like and well I didn't go to antenatal classes either so I'm a bit clueless!!
I am going to stay with her for a couple of days aftewards and leave Sam at home with my DP (don't want to leave him cause he's my little baby but I want to help my sister out as much as possible) So at least I have it fresh in my mind about how to care for a newborn!
Ok, so any advice is much appreciated!
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Maya
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 7:17pm |
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I'd say just follow her cues and be supportive but not in her face. When I was in labour with Maya my support person kept trying to do things for me that she had been told might be 'useful' at antenatal classes like massage, when all I wanted was to pretty much be left alone.
Oh and one thing I did find useful was distraction, Willie was good at that when I was in labour with the gremlins, he kept making bad jokes and reading me text messages from people right up until Sienna was actually born, and he held the mirror so that I could watch Sienna being born which was special too.
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 7:54pm |
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I can only really second what Emma has said, being there is often enough, and waiting until she asks for something she needs is often the best route. Although that said, offering every so often won't do any harm (just don't expect a sugary sweet reply LOL). An important thing to keep in mind is hydration, so have plenty of water / fluids handy (although not so much things like coffee and fizzy of course).
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mamanee
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 7:58pm |
Thanks Emma, I was thinking about a kind of distraction approach. I'm not really an up close and personal, cuddly, touchy person so I was thinking of just doing anything she asked me to do and just being there for her. I'm great at bad jokes too!!
She will want a familiar face in the room as because of her enlarged liver, hepatitis, and horde of other complications there will be plenty of specialists, nurses and doctors in the room with her!
I asked her about the mirror thing and she gave me a horrified look and an expletive laden retort!
ETA: Thank you erinsmama too!
Edited by neeandsam
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Mazzy
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 8:17pm |
Hopefully her midwife or specialist will be able to direct you as well. I second the water/fluids thing, and giving her a hand to hold if she needs it, help her change positions, that sort of thing. A friendly face will be much appreciated I'm sure!
Don't do what my DH did - he was holding a hot wheat pack on my tummy from behind (I was standing) and started shifting and moving and annoying me. When i asked what he was doing he said 'my back hurts - it's really sore!'
WTF!!! Try being in labour buddy! Haven't let him forget that yet. 
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busymum
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 8:46pm |
Well I coached my DH after my first time, to please say things in a positive way "keep on going, you're doing well" etc instead of "don't give up!" (like that was an option haha). But probably the best thing you can do is follow the cues from the mw, stay close beside her (well within her sight, and when the pain's bad she won't look far), don't tell her that it doesn't hurt or is going to get worse before it gets better  and if she heads into the loo/shower, make sure you stay within earshot - at one point I got left in the shower for privacy but I needed help while I was there and no one heard me call 
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 9:09pm |
Def be there for the water and cloths (hot or cold) I had both my MW and DH putting cold cloths on my tummy and forehead.
DH said just take the cues from the MW she will tell you what to do.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 25 July 2007 at 10:17pm |
I was the birth partner for my friend last year,this is what i learnt
1) take cues from them, you'll soon learn from them the signs of a coming contraction, let them use you for comfort whatever way they feel comfortable
2)be prepared for your fingers to get squeezed- a LOT, they do go back to their normal shape tho i swear
3)cold flannels etc are good
4)sometimes they might get annoyed if you tell them the baby will be there soon-after the 6th time of me saying that my friend yelled "thats what you F*cking said the last f*cking time !"-i stopped saying it after that
5) if this is her first baby, shes probably gonna be scared, i know i was when i had caitlyn, its painful but its also scary having no control over your body.
thats all i can think of, if you do get the honour of being her birth partner congratulations, even after having a baby yourself it will still be one of the most amazing things you'll ever see, being one of the first to see your neice or nephew come into the world 
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Rackhell
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Posted: 26 July 2007 at 1:14pm |
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Still not had baby yet! so am a bit useless when it comes to saying what a support person should do while being induced etc.
However, if she's got a checklist of things that she's taking to the hospital perhaps you might like to find any gaps and take anything else that you yourself found useful when it came to having sam.
Just being there will be of comfort to her.
I was thinking of more after-birth help -
Have you got her phone/email list of people to notify? DH is my support person and I have given him this as his job (as well as being my own personal finger wranglee).
You might also be the person (know in advance who/when she doesn't want to see people) who has to turn visitors away afterward.
As you're going to be helping out afterwards at her home, you know how to work the washing machine/hoover/where the cleaning products are/the oven/microwave?
I know this assumes an awful lot, but it might be worth thinking about or at least establishing what kind of after birth help she wants as well.
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Birthing Partner Advice