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Forum LockedSick of the crying and whinging

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meow View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 July 2007 at 7:21am
This is enough!! I know all kids have tantrums, but surely not several times during the day of crying/foot stamping tantrums that can last up to 20 mins, sometimes more.

One example:

Ella wakes us up as usual at 6.30pm, demanding breakfast. I make DP get up for once, and for some reason, she always seems to cry more around him.. I don't know if it's because he doesn't spend as much time with her.. her sometimes goes on about things that aren't necessary.
So I ask him to put a dressing gown on her as it's freezing.. he does, and she has a big cry because she wants a top on instead. Should we have just let her have one instead? Because as a result of this, she cries, stamps her feet etc for 20 mins, coming in to see me and sits on the bed crying her head off.. DP doesn't come to get her, as he doesn't know what else to do. I get p'd off as I'm half asleep and it was his turn to get up with her, and I don't really feel like being woken up by someone crying/screaming next to me, so I end up snapping at Ella.

What are we doing wrong? I can't stand this every single day. It's driving me round the bend.

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nuttymama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nuttymama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 7:46am
I wish I could help more but I have a 2,5 and 10 year old who all throw the odd tantrum especially the 2 year old who thinks she makes the rules.

All I can say is pick your battles! As far as clothes go I usually just leave Abby unless we are going out. When she gets really cold she will give in and get dressed (she's a nudist at heart). So for me that's one less fight. Might sound a little lazy but she knows when she's too cold so it's not worth the fight. I usually have a few more tantrums for the day to work on. Like when she's not getting her own way with toys etc.
Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden   21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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AlyAyde View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlyAyde Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 7:49am
hi, Yep i cant stand it and dont honestly put up with it. If they dont have an audience they dont tend to do it. So Alyssa just get put into her room until she has snapped out of tantrums. Alyssa is my wobbly girl Jayde i have only seen have one once or twice and i was so shocked to see her throwing one that i just cracked up laughing and then she laughed with me.


Jayde 25/12/04

Alyssa 08/04/03

http://Alyayde.bebo.com
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meow View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote meow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 7:56am
How do I get through to DP then if she has the biggest tantrums with him? I hear him sometimes saying things and then tell him what I would have said differently/not said at all. He doesn't like me telling him what to do (as most guys don't!) I don't want to jeopodize him looking after her!

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nuttymama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nuttymama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 8:31am
That's a tricky one, I have the same problem at times with DH and no they don't like being told. Not that, that stops me. Does he maybe give in more to her then maybe you do. We found that was our problem, because I deal with it all day I can ignore her or deal with it in a reasonable manner. Whereas DH will give into what she wants example Miss 2 was given milk but wanted lemonade, I said no and she started screaming, I just left her to it and said no milk no drink. I left the room and 10 mins later all was quiet because DH had tried telling her off to no avail so told her if she stopped crying he would give her the friggen lemonade Argh!

Although the good news is he is now starting to realise that the miss 2 is cottoning on and is starting to go to him instead of me which makes his life harder. So he is trying to harden up.

My best advice would be to walk away and make him suffer the consequences eventually and probably sooner rather than later he will come to the conclusion that he has to do things differently. If there's anything I have learnt from DH it's that he has to think he has thought of it himself.
Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden   21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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lizzle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote lizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 8:50am
Lew and I ended up sitting together and I said "i don't think the way I'n dealing with jake and Taine when they are naughty is helping so lets figure out what we'll do if ....happens" - and we worked out a plan together. basically when jake squeals or pitches a fit he gets put into his room and told to come out when he's calmed down.
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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 9:19am
try having a 2 yr old scraming and having a tantrum at 5.30am cause he wants to get up. gggrrrrr. lasted a good half or more and he didnt have an audience.

you prob have 2 options with regards to DH - as nuttymama said let DH figure it out himself or as liz said sit down and come up with a plan together, but if you do that dont make it "i deal with it this way and you should to". you have to let him think he has thought of stuff himself too.
my hubby is the same and hates being told how to do it with regards to toby and his tantrums...    

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Anna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Anna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 9:44am
Quinn is going thru a particularly delightful tanty phase too!

He tantys more for Andy, because Andy lets him get away with it. I used to step in or suggest ways that Andy could deal with it but it goes in one ear and out the other, now I just step back and let him deal with it the way he sees best. This does mean that Quinn behaves (sometimes) for me and doesn't always behave so well for Andy, and it does annoy me but I figure that Andy needs to figure this out on his own, all my suggestions so far have been ignored.

And so far, the best way I have found for me to deal with Quinns tantrums is to tell him that if he wants to behave like that then he can do it in his room. He either takes himself off to his room to sulk for a while or he quietens down and continues with a "silent protest" (evil glares and whimpers!) but I find this easier to ignore!

I am desperately hoping that they will grow out of this (although in all honesty I can still throw a pretty decent tantrum!)... fingers crossed for our sanity!
Anna

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busymum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote busymum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 10:12am
We have also had to talk things over together and make sure we are on the same page so to speak. Ella is getting older and probably needs to make some decisions for herself? Like, for example, Ella it's pretty cold this morning, you go get something warm on before breakfast. Then she has to problem-solve and will get focussed on the task instead of focussed on bucking the authority chain.

When things get too much for Hannah (my 3 1/2yo) I tell her, I know it hurt (or you didn't want that to happen etc) but you're just fussing about it now. You need to cheer up and then you can play some more, otherwise you can have a rest. If she hasn't calmed down or at least started to within a few seconds, she's sent to bed for a good 10 minutes or so. I think it relieves some pressure off both of us as well as removes the audience factor. Sometimes she'll be sent there with a book and a good time set, other times it is "until you're happy".

Occasionally I have stopped Hannah in her misbehaving tracks and said "Hannah, are you bored?" to which she answers yes (probably thinking that I am about to do something positive LOL!)... so then I ask her to sit on a couch until she has thought up what to do with herself.

Just some things I've learnt although I still have a long way to go sometimes. From what I've seen, 2yos need to make decisions and 3yos need to be put in learning situations to save/ease boredom.
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meow View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote meow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 July 2007 at 11:03am
Thanks everyone.

Teresa, those are some great ideas. Ella does need to make more decisions herself. I think part of it is the tone of voice DP uses sometimes, I am guilty too..like a flat, no nonense type of voice.. so strange as a few years ago he'd let her do whatever she wanted and now he's more strict than I am!

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