verbal reassurance help

It cant be good for her to lie there screaming so much. She is so distressed and worked up. I feel like I am doing the wrong this here.

If you don't like the screaming then don't do it as it's very hard on you. I tried it and gave up as this method does not work for us. Sorry, can't help with any advice but just wanted to say that this method doesn't always work and you are finding it difficult then maybe it isn't for you.

Maybe VR isnt for either of us. DD wouldnt sleep and we got her up after an hour of crying.

Let me give a bit more background and answer some of caliandjacks questions.

DD has always been a bad day time sleeper, we struggle to get her to self settle and she has between 20 - 60 mins sleep in any one nap, and might only have a couple of naps a day. She did used to sleep a bit longer when she was younger, but not significantly. She has always needed rocking or feeding for day sleeps. Night time is totally different, she will usually settle herself and sleep for 11-12 hours with one feed around 4am. I know by now she shouldnt need a night feed,but she does feed, she doesnt just latch on for comfort and to get back to sleep, though she does eventually feed herself to sleep.

Day care naps range from 20 -60 minutes as well but she seems to have more naps there than at home. Sometimes they rock her and sometimes they claim to put her down and she falls asleep right away. They seem to be using a bouncer/rocker more now in the afternoons for her sleep.

This reliance on me to get to sleep is getting me down though. She does need her sleep (maybe not as many hours as some babies though) but just wont give up and nod off. I am happy for her to have one nap or two, as long as she wakes refreshed and happy. I dont get anything done during the day as a 20 minute sleep gives me little chance to do anything.

Do you go back in at intervals with that method?

I reckon you should spend more time talking to daycare about how they do it. My boy is one of those kids who has one set of behaviours for daycare and a completely different set for me. He tows the line under peer pressure at daycare, but pushes his boundaries with me.
I've changed our at home routine to match that of daycare and it's helped heaps. Including morning tea/lunch/afternoon tea & nap times.

Have you tired talking to your Plunket family center? They have helped some friend's babies and have given us a new routine to try for ds night sleep wakings but we haven't tried yet as ds has been sick.

Sally, I am half way to being convinced that she is doing exactly that. At daycare she seems to have three shorter naps and at home she will manage with one or two naps. Sure, we get up an hour later when at home as opposed to a day care day.

One more day at work/daycare then I'm going to try leaving DD longer before trying to get her to bed.

Besides, she has always been bad at day sleeps, so nothing new! Only another year or two and she'll be up all day anyway!!

Luckily we dont have any problems at night, she'll self settle in the evening and during the night unless she is hungry. Or teething.