No-cry sleep solutions and the like

I'm asking this out of mere curiousity; I'm happy with how things run in our house (which can include a little crying in the cot now and then, but doesn't often). But I've posted my opinions/suggestions on a few threads about babies and sleeping, and notice there's heaps of you who say "I could never let my baby cry, I use the such-and-such method". Which is great, and I'm glad you've got something that works for you... but whenever I read that kind of comment I think "how does that work??" Not that I doubt it does... I just can't imagine it. When I put Jacob down, he'll usually squeak for a little while, and go to sleep. Occasionally, though, he'll get in a tizz - usually if he's overtired or wakes up at 10pm thinking he's just had a three hour sleep and would rather like to join the action in the lounge. When that happens, he will scream. He'll cry if he's up, he'll cry if he's down, he'll cry if he's being cuddled, he'll cry if he's bed with us, he'll cry on a boat, he'll cry with a goat... you get the picture. The fastest way to get him back to sleep is to leave him in his cot, and 19 times out of 20, in 10-20 mins he'll start grizzling and nod off. If I cuddle or rock him, he'll just keep crying, and it takes a lot longer than that - in fact, I've never managed to get him to sleep rocking him except when he's sick. I have managed to rock him for an hour or so and put him down still screaming, where he promptly nodded off with exaustion, but that's it.

He will stop crying if you get him up and play with him, but since I'm usually talking about times that he should be in bed, and I know he's tired, that's not really sensible.

So, please humor me and tell me what you do to settle your baby? Have I got an oddball, or is there something I'm missing about no-cry solutions?

Hopes wrote: So, please humor me and tell me what you do to settle your baby? Have I got an oddball, or is there something I'm missing about no-cry solutions?

No your baby isn't odd! They all prefer different things just like I love to read before bed to help me wind down where as DH hopes in bed and is asleep before his head hits the pillow.

I tried CC with ben earlier this year and hated it, will say that it did work after a few days but then not long later we had a few late nights in a row and it all went pear shaped and I decided I was not going to go through CC all over again.

Jack now settles himself although we do tell him we will be back in 1 min (then 2, 3 etc) to check on him. Depending on whether we actually time it properly we may go in to check once or twice before he is asleep. Prior to this we have had various combinations of feeding, rocking, bottom patting, singing, sitting beside/in room/by door, hand holding. The 'requirements' have changed over the last 4yrs depending on what he needed. Settling has taken from 5-45min depending on where he was at i.e when he was napping during the day bedtime took longer, now that he is at kindy and not napping he is asleep in 5min.

Currently with Ben we read 2 stories then hold his hand and bottom pat to sleep. We will gradually stop doing this and move further out of the room, teaching him to self settle when we and he are ready for that stage which is what we did with Ben.

Each child is different and some don't want to be helped to sleep. What annoys me is when "people" (incl GPs, Plunket and other "authorities") tell you to do CC or CIO as a one-size-fits-all solution and make you feel guilty and useless for wanting a different approach (yes personal experience!). I think that they should be advising parents of the different options out there so that it can be decided which solution fits their family best.

Wow, that was a novel!   

I've never let DS cry, I don't agree with, for reasons I won't get into. Generally he goes to sleep on my breast and I just pop him into bed. If he wakes I'll rub his back (tummy sleeper), occasionally that won't work and I have to hold him tight until he relaxes, other times (like now) I simply have to sit with him until he falls asleep.

The no-cry solutions don't seem to work for us either. When I put ds down for his sleeps (day and night) he grizzles for 10mins max, if he's still grizzling after that then I normally get him up as he won't go to sleep. Patting, sshhing, sitting in the room, anything like that just makes him cry more. His crying normally upsets me so I don't see any point in letting him continue.

MamaT wrote: I've never let DS cry, I don't agree with, for reasons I won't get into. Generally he goes to sleep on my breast and I just pop him into bed. If he wakes I'll rub his back (tummy sleeper), occasionally that won't work and I have to hold him tight until he relaxes, other times (like now) I simply have to sit with him until he falls asleep.

We do this as well. Also often he will sit/cudle with dh till he is asleep nd then we put him into bed. I do what thy need me/uso do to help them off to sleep.

DD has been a very good sleeper, she fed to sleep till she weaned then we read stories and cuddled to sleep.


I don't like cio, to me its teaching them that theres no point in crying because no one is coming. Seondly it was never meant to be used on babies it was originally for toddlers 18 months plus ( I think it was 18 months )










Edited by pudgy

Good question Hopes.

I tired the NCSS and just found it so hard work out what to do and it just didn't work.

All kids are different. My DD is very alert and needs a lot of wind down to get sleepy and things like patting etc just wind her up. Even now she grizzles/cries for about 10 secs to 2 mins before sleeps, its a bit of a protest, not unlike if she wants something else she's not allowed. But she loves sleeping and her bed.

Interesting thread. I don't really have much to add as no cry solutinos haven't worked for me either. Just commenting that everyone's comments kind of answer the question - every baby is different and responds to different methods. My coffee group has 8 in it, we all do different things, some methods work for some babies, those methods don't work for others.

When it comes to sleep, it really would be good if there was a one size fits all approach It's got to be one of the hardest things to deal with as a Mum.

I think temperament is a huge part as well Hopes. Quinn never cries like you describe, he'll always settle with a snuggle or a feed, or if it's really bad DH will walk him until he settles.

I guess our hope is that a no-cry solution works naturally, that eventually he won't need so much parenting to get to sleep, he won't wake constantly all night. I keep telling myself we don't know any adults who need to eat every 3 hours at night!!

I don't like to let DS cry it out so we've never really done that but on the odd time he's been tired grizzling in bed he won't settle he'll tired grizzle himself more awake and then start screaming.

He won't fed to sleep - if he would i'd do it all the time and walking, rocking, patting, shhhing, singing, white noise, soothing music, mobiles and musical toys just seem to stimulate him more and keep him awake.

Lately he's been a champion self settler and the only way he'll go to sleep is to be put down in a quiet dark room tucked into bed with no mobile, no dummy, no toys, no nothing. Wish i'd worked that out from the start, all the time i spent shhhing and rocking and he was probably thinking just put me down and go away already!

ETA: MissShell wish we could co-sleep as well but thats like the most exciting thing ever for him and while he's cute talking and grinning away with his little legs pistoning with enthusiasm it doesnt help!

Edited by Bowie

It does seem to be fine balance between waiting long enough to let them settle themselves and not letting them get wound up.

Most of the time I get it right.