Advice needed

I read your post and thought I would share my experiences with you, it might help make you feel a little better.

My first birth was horrendous, 4 day labour ending in ventouse and lots of stiches...not much fun. Followed with lots of b/f issues and PND. My gorgeous DS was lovely and fine, and a relatively easy baby, but I didnt have a very good time for the first 6 months. We had always talked about having a 2nd child, but when DS was about 2 we started to talk more "seriously" about it.

There were a number of concerns that we had - DH was really concerned about having a big age gap between the kids, so really wanted one as soon as possible, but I felt that I was only just getting my life back and some independance from DS. He was finally sleeping through the night and was starting to head towards toilet training. I have to admit to feeling a lot of resentment towards DH for pressuring me into making a decision about having a second child.  I was very very concerned about my ability to handle another child and I had huge concerns about breastfeeding and PND.

We finally (after a LOT of debate and delaying) made the decision to NOT make the decision, and to just let nature take its course. I didnt fall pregnant straight away - it took quite a while and when I did I was both overjoyed and terrified at the same time! My 2nd pregnancy was very different from my first and my second labour and birth was amazing compared to the first (PM me if you want to know the details!)

My DD is now 10wks old, and my capacity to love another little person amazes me. I am very very close to my DS so was very concerned about how another baby would impact that relationship - and its def changed, but not in a negative way (sometimes we have challenges but generally its fine!). We kept him engaged in the pregnancy - taking him to scans, getting him to help sort out the nursery, build the cot etc so he felt involved in the process as well.

I wont lie - its not easy and sometimes I wonder if I had known how hard it was going to be whether I would have done it or not, but I love my precious wee girl so much and I love that my kids will always have each other.  I work hard at making sure that my DS still gets special mummy time with me and I still do lots of stuff with him - but now its big boy stuff like baking and painting!

I think its really important to talk to your DH about how you feel, so that you dont feel any pressure to make the decision. Dont worry about the 2nd pregnancy though - most people I know have had a much better experience 2nd time around!

Good luck - dont feel rushed into it, but also dont overthink it too much!