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Bizzy
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Topic: A MIL dilemma. Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:18pm |
Ok, here goes....
Sunday is tobys fifth birthday and we are having a party on saturday for him... the MIL was invited and told about it at least a couple of weeks ago. This week my husband rang her about something unrelated and she tells him she wont be coming on saturday cause she has to go to their caravan - a couple of hours drive away.
I was furious. she is tobys only surviving grandmother and it is his first every party (i dont do parties only afternoon tea till five).
As i said i'm furious, she doesnt have to go to the caravan, or she could even go after - make an appearance and go after an hour or so.
So she is coming over tomorrow morning - 9.30  - and is going to be taking the kids out with my husband she expects me to come too - for a coffee!
i dont want to go - i dont know how i am going to not lose my temper either....
So what should i do? - am i being unreasonable?
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stefany3
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:24pm |
 MILs are soooo annoying! I feel your pain.
It sounds like coffee tomorrow is slightly unplanned? So I wouldn't go to coffee, I would just send the kids and DH! It'll give u a chance/excuse to get things ready for the party.
Maybe get DH to convince her to come for an hour or so while he's out with her tomorrow?
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myfullhouse
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:26pm |
Are you being unreasonable? TBH I don't know. If I was you I would be very upset and disappointed that she wasn't coming.
Maybe you could calmly mention that she would be missed at the party and could she go to the caravan another day. If she says that she still can't make it then I would try and forget about it and get on with enjoying the party, try not to let it put a cloud over everything - easier said than done sometimes though!
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Peanut
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:29pm |
Your MIL sounds as "great" as mine!
I personally would say that I can't go as I want to use the time to get ready for the party.
When she arrives I would comment on how disappointed you are that she isn't coming and then leave it.
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Rachel1982
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:29pm |
ug sounds like the sort of thing my MIL would do.
I agree with calmly mentioning that it would be nice for her to be there but no point in pushing the issue. She is the main one who will miss out by not going!
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anon
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:30pm |
No - I would be pissed off too. Personally, I would say to your DH that you really want her to be there, and could he talk to her about it. Sometimes people don't realise their obligations (even though they should!) and rather than you take up the argument, it's better for him to do it... seeing as he's her beloved son!
Ugh. Got into trouble today with DH for complaining that my MIL thinks the sun shines out of him. She SO does it makes me sick
I personally think that the world might be better without MIL's - but then I sort of try and remind myself that the reason DH is who is today is because of her. For better or for worse
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 9:14pm |
I take it MIL lives in same town as you?
I wouldn't go for coffee, I would say I'm preparing for his party & then say how disappointed Toby will be if she isn't there & ask if there is a possibility that she could drop in on the way to the caravan.
And then never invite her again  DH wants her there, he's the one extending the invitation not you.
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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jazzy
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 9:20pm |
Don't get me started on MIL's, my one has had a hissy fit over nothing & she is doing my head in.....hope I don't turn out to be the mother-in-law from hell after all I have a good role model at the moment...grrrrrr
Anyway as for your one I would tell DH to got out with his mum & take the kids as you have heaps of stuff to do for the party...& then I would go out & get my hair done. Just because she can't be there on a special day does not mean you have to do what she wants.
As you can tell I am anti MIL & I would just stick a sign on the door saying back later & hide under my bed
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SMoody
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 10:08pm |
Bizzy you wont be able to control her behaviour or actions. You did right by inviting her and it is up to her to accept or not.
(you do however have the right to be pissed). But just do the party and enjoy yourself. As for the invite to coffee. Think about hubby and will how he will feel if you perhaps dont go. (if he doesnt really give a toss then dont go) but if he perhaps is going to feel like he is been put between the two of you perhaps just go (and put your best face forward.)
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Bizzy
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 11:17pm |
smoody i think thats what my mum would have said too!
its times like this that i really miss her. i guess the fact that she cant be there for tobys birthday makes it all the more horrible that the MIL wont come either...
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Nutella
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Posted: 08 July 2010 at 11:44pm |
Yip agree with Smoody....no point making it into a big deal when a birthday should be a happy occasion. Every right to be pissed off but better for all if you be the bigger person coz she is the one missing out.
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 09 July 2010 at 8:43am |
Bizzy, I was thinking about this last night.
I can't believe she is not coming.
You would think that she would realise how much you miss your Mum & that there will be that empty space in your day & if she was worth anything she'd try to make you feel a little better by being there to offer her support.
These are milestones that need grandparents at!
I'm sorry if it makes you sad, but she needs to be there to give you a hug or a rub on the shoulder & say well done your Mum will be proud
I have a very absent MIL, which I guess is in part to do with different cities, but my elderly grandmother made the effort for Coopers first birthday so I couldn't' see why they couldn't. If my Mum died & couldn't be at anything special like that for my kids, of all people who'd be there for me would be my Brothers MIL....So is there someone you can adopt to be your wonderful MIL instead of your hated MIL?
Hugs hun, Stand tall, your Mum is looking down on you extremely proud of how you are doing things
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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Babe
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Posted: 09 July 2010 at 9:06am |
Bizzy  I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said but wanted to give you a hug!
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SMoody
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Posted: 09 July 2010 at 9:20am |
Hugs Bizzy.
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