Feelings of guilt and sadness

Ok, I really need to get over this but I can’t move on. I have a 3 month old son who has been on formula exclusively since he was about 2 months. Before that he had a mixture of boobie juice and formula and was exclusively breastfed for the first week or so.

I had difficulties with breastfeeding as his tongue tie wasn’t picked up until the 4th day (was cut on day 6) but by then my nipples were extremely cracked and bleeding. This is when I introduced the first bottle as I couldn’t deal with putting him to the breast as it was too painful. My nipples healed very quickly so I put him back on and he was latching well and feeding well until I ended up with thrush in the breast due to antibiotics I was on. The pain of b’feeding was too much so we went back to the bottle, but this time more regularly. I think he was on formula for about two weeks when I attended a b’feeding course at Plunket.   The help and advice they gave me was wonderful but unfortunately too much for me to sustain (b’feed, then immediately after feed express then one hour later exp again then by that time he was awake and this would start all over again – I was expected to do this for a week but couldn’t manage more than a few days).   So we continued to offer the breast before the bottle but eventually he refused my breast which upset me a lot (felt rejected etc).

Anyway after his many tears and mine I decided it was better for both of us to go onto formula. I know at the end of the day all that matters is that he’s being fed and is healthy and thriving, which he is, but I still feel incredibly guilty and very sad. I need to get over this but not sure how. I suppose its waaaay to late to try to re-establish b’feeding now?

I guess I feel guilty as I think I gave up too quickly and should have tried harder.

Sorry for the novel, I just felt I had to share this as my husband doesn’t understand exactly how I feel, he’s just happy our boy is thriving.

Do you think my milk would have dried up by now tho? I still have some Domperidone left, should I start taking that.

Cool thanks, I'll PM fattartsrock now.

Yep, I defo want to try again. The other problem is my son has no idea what a nipple is used for, the last time I put him to the breast he gagged

you may as well get used to feeling guilty! once you resolve your feeding issues and get past that something else will come along and make you feel guilty! i think its just part of being a mum this horrible mother guilt that e all suffer from!

bizzy is right.....guilt is something we DO. I fed Tom till 7 months and STILL felt guilty. James is still going strong at 8 months and I dont want to give it up because I still feel bad about giving Tom up early...you cant win!

Do what is best for you and your child and then pat yourself on the back for caring enough to feed and love your baby. That should be enough.

Bizzy wrote: you may as well get used to feeling guilty! once you resolve your feeding issues and get past that something else will come along and make you feel guilty! i think its just part of being a mum this horrible mother guilt that e all suffer from!

Too true , if I had a dollar for every moment of C's life that I've felt guilty , missing her school play , making her go to school when she says shes sick and then finding later she indeed is, taking my anger out on her and unfairly telling her off , etc etc etc , I would be a millionaire .

If it means a lot to you to feed (and btw, sounds to me like you HAVE given it a great try , so you shouldn't feel guilty ) I would pm Fats too, she would be the best one to ask (aside from la leche and plunket in your area )

Thanks everyone for 'listening' to me and for all your kind comments. I'll keep update in a few days xx

Hi, I also had huge guilt feelings associated with not being able to breastfeed my wee man. I have inverted nipples so latching was the first issue. Jack was in neo natal for 3 days and due to stress my milk didn't come in until he was a week old. I was hugely engorged followed by a bout of mastitis. I continued to try to BF and express as well. When he was three weeks and still up every three hours at night (it was taking me about an hour to express then feed him each time) we decided after much soul searching to switch to formula. I felt like a failure and like I was broken for not being physically able to feed my baby. It took a while for me to realise that as long as we are both healthy and happy then that is the best thing for both of us. I read a great book called "Make Mine A Bottle" (can't remember the authors name sorry) - it written by a NZ woman about her experiences with bottle feeding and the feelings that go with it. It really helped me with the decision.