labour & support people - your thoughts?

I only had DH officially ... (and he was awesome!)

However Mum and Dad were present for most of my labour (but not in a support capacity as such).

When I got to the pushing stage ... I preferred them not to be in the room as I didnt want them to see me in "pain"

Although unfortunately Issy got "stuck" and I needed an emergency c ... by that stage I was terrified and in pain and the only person I had eyes for and wouldnt let go of was DH.

Good luck for your upcoming labour .. its all worth it in the end!

We discussed this extensively when I was pregnant.  DH was my support person and if he wanted another person there to be his support person then I wanted it to be my mum but he decided he was happy being the sole support person.

Then on the day itself my mum drove Ian home (where I was labouring) and we asked her to stay.  It was fantastic!

DH was my support person, mum was his support person.  DH would hold my hand, massage my back etc etc while mum heated wheat packs, got water, flannels etc.  If she hadn't been there I would have been left in the hospital room alone for much of my labour.  Her being there freed DH up completely to just focus on me.

Her experience was fantastic too.  Having already birthed 4 children herself she was able to provide reassurances when I didn't understand things.  It was also very special for her to be there for the birth.  She's been present at the hospital for all 6 of her grandchildrens births but Michaela was the first VB she'd been at since she'd birthed my younger sister (and she was a bit busy back then to pay any attention).

I actually think one of the reasons I managed a natural birth was becuase of the strong support I had while in labour and I'll be having both DH and mum present next time too.

 

ETA: I also had 2 MWs (my midwife and a trainee midwife).  They were both wonderful but it seemed that they spent an awful lot of time out of the room filling in forms, finding my blood (incase I needed a transplant), writing birth notes and goodness knows what else.

Edited by MrsMojo

oooh - Mrsmojo just read your post and now I'm definately keen for mum to be there!! it never occurred to me to have her there in capacity of DH's support person...

i always said for my first baby i wanted just DH with me and then the next one i wanted my mum to be there also.........jack ended up being an elective c/s so DH was the only one allowed to be with me anyway.
with charli, i did most of my labour at home and i had DH, mum and my sister was there because she'd come to stay with jack when we went to hospital.   
i'm glad i had my mum there with me for support although we ended up having an emergency c/s so she didn't see the birth

Kmarie, I was in the same position as you - I wasn't sure whether I wanted my mum there or not at the birth. I spoke to her about it, and we decided that she'd be "on call" - she was prepared to come if I called her when I went into labour, but wasn't offended if I decided I just wanted DH and the mw. As it turned out, when I was in labour I was like "ring mum!", so it was really clear what I wanted at that time. And I'm so glad I had her there.

MrsMojo wrote: DH was my support person, mum was his support person. DH would hold my hand, massage my back etc etc while mum heated wheat packs, got water, flannels etc. If she hadn't been there I would have been left in the hospital room alone for much of my labour. Her being there freed DH up completely to just focus on me. I actually think one of the reasons I managed a natural birth was becuase of the strong support I had while in labour and I'll be having both DH and mum present next time too.

This was exactly my experience too! Mum was filling up the jug with water to pour on me and doing all the practical things, and yeah supporting DH. She's said so many times how it was such an honour to be a part of it, and it was really special.

The thing that stood out to me the most though is the new bond that DH and my mum have. They see each other in a new light because of what we all went through together, and seeing how each of them 'looked after' me. Don't get me wrong, they didn't have a bad relationship before, but it's just made them closer. It's really cool actually. I think especially Mum saw just how DH cares for me and how he is such an amazing husband and daddy.

I also think that one of the reasons I managed to have a drug free birth was cos of the support I had from both DH and my mum. Things happened quite quickly, from the beginning there was only a few minutes between contractions, so it was very intense. I loved it that DH stayed right by my side throughout it all, and Mum was still there to get stuff when we needed it. She popped out just after Harry was born to give us some family time, which was nice.

It was also handy to have an extra person to get bags out of the car, make sure we had everything, take dirty washing home etc.

So yeah, I'd recommend it as all in all a very positive experience having my mum there

edited to fix up quote

Edited by arohanui

Haha i really didnt care that much , i didnt want Caitlyns dad in there as we were no longer together.
I had my mum , and my oldest friend, and another friend who was training to be a mw, as she was the only one who believed me when i said i wanted to push , she came in handy .

Next time for most of the labour part I will have DF as my main support person,and my mum , his mum , my 2 best friends and a close family friend, yes lots of people i know, but after going thru it once i know i wont actually care whos there, plus they can entertain me ...
The actual pushing stage, i'll probably just have DF

We had a right crew in the end! Dh was my support person, but stuffed his back 2 days before we were induced, so I did an emergency call to our antenatal class facilitator, who is a trainee CBE. She was there to support me AND DH - did lots of getting cold water, holding my legs up while I pushed, encouraging while I was pushing etc. DH was more involved in holding my hand, reassuring me etc (i.e. focussed more on my emotional needs; Nic focussed more on my physical needs!). We also had 2 MWs, a med student (who did lots of BP taking, meds monitoring and leg holding - I hope I never have to work with him ), an obstetrician, 2 hospital MWs and a pediatrician. By that point, I no longer cared, and it turns out we needed everyone who was there!!

My mum's no longer alive, but if we'd had family in Auckland, I'd definitely have had one of my sisters there.

You're so lucky Kelly - I always tear up when I see births on TV and it amazes me to see the labouring women deep in their own worlds and then once the baby is born it's like a light comes on and they are so buzzed out at their new baby. It's incredible how labour is so intensive and then it's forgotten once the baby is delivered! That's why we keep going back for more I guess. But I can still remember the feeling of dread going into labour the second and third times as it all comes rushing back!

with james i had my mum my best friend and her best friend my dad poped in and out but it was just the right people

ellen wrote: You're so lucky Kelly - I always tear up when I see births on TV and it amazes me to see the labouring women deep in their own worlds and then once the baby is born it's like a light comes on and they are so buzzed out at their new baby. It's incredible how labour is so intensive and then it's forgotten once the baby is delivered! That's why we keep going back for more I guess. But I can still remember the feeling of dread going into labour the second and third times as it all comes rushing back!

haha oh dont tell me that! Im scared of labour as it is, but as it often helps in getting the child into the world, its something i have to do ...
I will never forget the look on my friends face when she first saw her daughter, it was a mixture of disbelief and joy and what i can only describe as longing, a longing to hold her baby straight away , like those few seconds that her daughter was out of her womb but not yet on her chest, were too long.
Was beautiful