Bonding with your bump?

Is anyone else having trouble doing this?

I'm assuming becasue I have had a few miscarriages, 1 of them at about 12 weeks, that I have subconciously held off feeling excited about being pg this time around. Now after my 12 week scan which showed a healthy active bubba, and listening to the hearbeat via Doppler the other week, I'm still having trouble 'feeling' pg....and certainly don't feel clucky over my bump. Much of my pg so far has been taken up with some really bad ms, so alot of it I've just felt ultra sick and tired. Not the best start!

It's hard to explain. I'm thrilled to be pg on an intellectual level but don't understand why I can't get my heart to feel that same thrill. At both scans I cried with relief seeing bubba was ok but outside of those times, I stillI think something could go wrong cos of course I'm not yet feeling kicks or anything.

I *so* want to feel clucky and fall in love with my bump and the baby inside....any tips on how to get there?!  We're very busy prepring babys arrival and buying stuff etc but even then I feel slightly disasociated from it all....I'm really worried I might get PND after the birth if I can't start forming a bond soon. Is this normal or am I going to be a hopeless mother?

Im having trouble bonding with this bump,but I think its because im so preoccupied with Caitlyn .
And its the second pregnancy , so its not as exciting as the first time,when all I could think about was baby, and plans for baby etc, this time round...i keep forgetting im actually pregnant, and its a big effort to "talk " to my bump .

I think you (and me ) will feel a lot more closer to our bubs once they start kicking us etc, perhaps you could start a diary, I did with Caitlyn , (or a blog) that might help a bit.

But dont feel that you HAVE to feel a bond with bubs, some women dont have a bond even once baby is born , and considering what you have gone through its only natural that you are going to feel apprehensive

emmecat- it's totally normal..after we lost bub at 12 weeks I was the same...and when he started kicking and i saw him at 20 week scan I bonded much more but really not totally till he came out (and he had APGAR of 3 so i thought oh no it's come true he's not going to make it) but once I had him in my arms I was bonded.. not right then but when the drugs wore off..lol:)


anyway I'm saying it is totally normal and I was worried cause other people after mc's seemed fine but it was just the way it was with me and I got there in the end. I guess it's hard to form a bond when it feels so surreal as well..

I've only just started to feel like my bump is a real baby. I couldn't get my head around it before but now I can get reactions from her it's made all the difference.

Don't worry about it chick. I know heaps of people that said they didn't feel like a mum until after the baby was here. Just like the Dad's can have trouble bonding during pgcy as they only see a bump that moves sometimes. DH is still perplexed by the whole thing and i'm not fussed as I know he will fall in love as soon as he meets her, and you will do the same.

Everything will change when you meet her/him. Try to relax and go with the flow. It all comes out in the wash in the end.

Im much the same karen, I had my anatomy scan today and as usual held my breath until she started talking about the baby as if it was real (which it is )

Over the past few days baby movements have been getting much stronger and I am starting to catch myself talking to him/her which I had not been doing before (much).

I feel like I can relax a bit now and start to enjoy being pregnant.

Look at you, 15 weeks... gosh it flies by doesnt it!

In my experience, sometime a sense of being bonded comes in times of trial OR after the fact.

I remember overthinking the concept of bonding with my bump but I found when she was born I suddenly REALLY really missed her being in my tummy. All of a sudden she was an independent being not a part of me like she had been.

This will sound odd but I still miss my bump now even though I have the most amazing daughter! However, it wasn't until I had her that I realised how bonded I was to my bump.

Wow it's so amaing to hear about other women who have fel like me and not bonded with thier bump....I just wrongly assumed most people did as soon as they got a BFP lol.

Melnel- I can't believe you are feeling bubba kicking already! Seems like only yesterday (and in fact I think it was June?) that we were having lunch and stressing about not getting pg lol!  

Ella- I'm pleased you're bonding with your bump now....I know what you mean about being apprehensive though. I think once I feel bubba kicking and/or have my 20week scan things might well feel different.

Fiona- I think I will know what you mean once our baby is born- I can imagine it would be weird to suddenly *not* have someone as part of you, instead being their own little person..... your daughter sounds lovely btw

I didn't cry at my 12 week scan and still don't think of my tiny little bulge as a real baby bump. I'm hoping that after my 20 week scan and I find out the sex that may help me find it all a bit more real and then I can start buying pink or blue things and bonding a bit more??
As I've been a nanny before all I can really think about is all the hard work ahead of me.... I'm quite realistic about the whole thing and not romantic or fantasising about special moments, just all the sleepless nights and hard work! Not very nice, but that's how Im feeling!

It was only after the 20 week scan I started to feel pg. Wasn't showing by then with either and so had to wait for movements cos I didn't believe there was something in there - despite the MS which was nasty both times.

You will get there don't worry about that, and anyway as soon as they put bubba on you after its born i'm sure you will feel it then.

I wouldn't worry Emmecat. I'm nearly 35 weeks, and I still haven't bonded to my bump.

Sure, it is nice to know that he is still happily alive in my belly, but I can't make myself bond with him until he safely in my arms.

Sure, he moved around, and loves thumping my ribs to a pulp, but I still can't bond.

People often ask me if I am excited about having a baby, and I honestly say 'NO!'. I can be such a pessimist, and even people have said that to me.

It is different for everyone, and I am sure I will bond with him once he is born