finding it hard

hey.
we recently went away to visit DF family and while there his brother offered him a job. which DF took we didnt really get to talk it through very well and i missed the chance to have a good talk with my parents as they were away on holiday when we got bak.
so we are moving from chch to hamilton.
last fri DF went and handed in his notice without even telling me he was goin to do it. and we are now moving in 3 weeks.
i am freaking out i cannot stop crying and havent been able to eat properly in days.
DF is being abit insensitive and is sick of me blubbering (his words) and has been quite distant for the last few days and thinks i dont want to move with him.
last night was the 1st night he actually talked to me abit more instead of just one word answers.
i guess the things i am most scared of is not seeing my family very often .. DF thinks me and DS will be able to come down whenever we want but we wont be able to afford it.
and i am sh*t scared of being lonely as i will be home all day with DS.
we know DF brother and sis in law and DF thinks i will be able to hangout with her lots but she has 3 small kids and wont want me over there all the time.
i have looked into some mothers and plunket groups which will fill up some time but i am still so scared.
i just dont want to be isolated and trapped in a city where i am unhappy and DF is happy.
i have tried talking it over with him but always seems to end in an arguement.

Oh, that sounds really really hard. For a while it was possible we were going to have to move this year (maybe overseas, depending on the job), and to be honest it was freaking me out too. It's so hard to leave your home - and in my case that was with a hubby who'd been really supportive and included me 100% in the decision-making about his job, it doesn't sound like yours has been all that great

Hopefully, you won't find the move too hard and you'll settle in well. Any questions about Hamilton? That's at least something I could help with! PM me if you like.

Another thing is DF going up there and look for a place to rent then you go up there later this what Dh did when we move from Auckland to Hawkes Bay.

Good luck

Fortunately for us we have family here it is my hometown. When I met Dh he was from Auckland and I was here and moved in with him it was hard for awhile moving out of my comfort  zone but after awhile I got so used to living away from family/friends and enjoyed making new friends.

It will be hard for awhile but it does get easier and you can always do grabaseat and go back and visit your family.

Yep it is not that long to drive from Hamilton to Auckland now that the road is really good.

We are from Auckland and moved to Dunedin last year as my Mum and her partner bought a business down here and DF has been working there. We have actually really enjoyed it. We didn't know anyone when we got here but have made a few good friends and have become a lot closer as we ended up spending more time with eachother. It has done wonders for us. We are moving back to Auckland soon - which I am excited about but am getting a headache over planning the move again!!

We have done it twice...

1st time was to was before DD & was over to Townsville in Queensland. I knew no-one but DP's work organised (& paid) our accommodation which was in a complex with a few other couples so met a couple of ladies that way. I didn't work as we didn't know how long we would be there for but wish I had of as I would've probably met a few more people that way (we ended up there for almost a year!)

2nd time was to Dunedin when I was 7 months pregnant and once again I knew no-one. I was dreading it and worried I wouldn't have the support I would need with a new baby, but I coped well and actually really enjoyed not having lots of visitors while getting to know DD. I went to Parent & Child (I think that was what it was called) and met a few people that way.

For us I think it helped our relationship & made us closer. It is hard to begin with but just try & keep busy, even if its just going out for a walk window shopping or the park. Join the local Playgroup (or a Parent & Child) as much for your DS as yourself. & I'm sure there would be a Hamilton OHbaby group that meet up

thanks for the support ladies.

i was really bullied into it. and even if we had talked about it properly we likely would have moved anyway as we have the oppurtunity to buy a share in the business if it works out.

but i think just the fact that we didnt talk it through and make a plan is whats getting to me and i didnt have a chance to talk to my parents.

thanks. yea i was thinking of doin that 2. hopefully theres a few mums in hamilton on here. :)

i am getting used to the idea and beginning to feel better about it. but every now n then i feel quite paniked about it.

I get how you are worried you wont like it, we moved from Manawatu to Auckland last year before DD was born for DH's work I love it up here, he's not as happy at work.

There's no way I want to move back to the Manawatu which is something we'll have to consider in 12 months time when DH's post comes up.

With kids its easy to meet other parents and form a network of friends. I've found their support as good as anything I get from my family

I think it is really unfair of your DF to do this without talking to you & you both agreeing on what you both want for your family...so very one sided & selfish of your DF

Now that it has happened you need to put everything in to perspective. Work out what is more important being a family with DF or being without him. If you want to be with him then you have to make a go of it & you may really enjoy it once you have settled in.

As for meeting people & making friends it is so much easier when you have kids because you automatically fit into a group...& what mum does not want to show off & talk about her child. I have made so many more friends now that I have have kids & we have moved a few times. There is so many more places & groups to join when you have kids. Mainly music, play centre, library groups, church mums groups, plunket coffee groups...endless possibilities.

I do think you & DF need to talk about things as you both need to make joint decisions, the big decisions should not be down to one person.

Good luck on what ever you decide & if you do go then give it your all.