Exhausted and need ideas/reassurance

Last night, like so many other nights recently, I was up 6 times, for 30min to 2hours each time. I'm so very very tired.

DD is exclusively BF and wont take the bottle so I can't express at let someone else feed her. She feeds for 1.5 hours after her bath before finally going to sleep. Thats about 4 goes on each boob - my nipples hurt by the end of that! And I often feel like I'm empty before we begin. I know I'm making milk cos on the rare occassions she sleeps, my boobs are ginormous. But is 1.5 hours normal? It is followed by her longest stretch of sleep - about 3 hours

I find that when I finally get to bed, it's often hard to fall asleep knowing I'll be up again way too soon. Warm drinks used to help but I don'tknow any nice dairy free ones (DD has dairy allergies). Ideas for me for falling asleep easily/quickly?

DH is being awesome but I'm getting so bored being too tired to do anything in the day. He's been working from home most mornings so that I can sleep in. Trouble is, DD loves to be with him when she is happy, but screams and screams if she's tired and he's got her so I only get maybe an hour of sleep. How can I get her to accept him settling her?

She wont self settle at all - not even when she was newborn. And I won't use CIO so please don't suggest that. I've tried co-sleeping but she doesn't sleep well lying flat. She sleeps well on my lap in the lazy boy, but I don't!

Anyway if you are still reading, thanks and any ideas much appreciated!

Huge hugs T_Rex! You need that first and foremost! I hear you completely hun - in my case it can be anywhere between 1.5 and 6 hours for my wee man so I'll try and share some of the things we have tried.

Propping up the head of the bed - if DS is really refluxy/colicky this really helps. I put a safety sleep around him so he doesn't slide down. Moby wrap - DS will sleep in there for hours if we pop him in there (and when he is asleep - I can lie down with it on and sleep on the couch). I find my supply is lowest around the time you are describing so I've been using Milk flow spray and Milkmaid tea which have helped quite a bit.

As for you getting to sleep, I find packing myself in with pillows useful, also lavender essential oil on my pillow is useful, warm bath, dark room, if she's crying try getting DH to take her down the other end of the house? Umm there are all sorts of sleep aid teas that you can take, but make sure you aren't going to bed with a full tummy too as this can make it worse. Oh and nothing caffienated or too sugary before bed either - you'll be overstimulated.

HTH

Good luck hun, its not fun

xx

Firstly you must be exhausted!

My bubs took ages to feed and get back to sleep each night when she first arrived. Did my head in. Sounds like you have plenty of milk so settling might be the issue.

I went to a sleep store talk a few weeks ago and they had lots of ideas to help settle babies especially at night. You might be already doing these but here goes:

White noise (we play it all night long, bubs is in her own room)
We don't wrap any more but did at that age.
She was in a hammock and made it really easy to rock to sleep
Has your DH tried wearing her in the morning in a wrap, so when she's tired she might settle a bit easier.
As for the bottle, we had the same issue, just cracked it but persisting with the bottle until she took it, had EBM in it she just didn't like the bottle but the other morning I put her back to bed with out offering the boob, she had refused the bottle and when she woke up she took the bottle straight away as she was obviously hungry, have had no problems since, wish i had done it sooner.

Do you use a dummy? Mine is not that keen on the dummy spits it out most of the time but sometimes it helps her just get off t sleep and then it comes out.

oh just remembered what we found brilliant was the happiest baby on the block dvd, we started using the techniques at about two months. We found it really helped, watch it at a plunket family center.

DD is now five months and although wakes up a few times a night, she goes to bed beautifully, self settles really well. I just have to put her into her cot, turn on the white noise and leave the room. 99% of the time off to sleep she goes by herself. Also do you do a bathtime routine at night. A bath at night and she definitely knows it's time for bed.

As for getting some sleep, have you tried some sleep tea from the healthfood store, i find them brilliant.

just some suggestions! hope you find some relief soon! I was miserable without sleep. we still have a bad nights and it makes it so hard to want to do anything the next day.

disco

 Hun, no sleep is the worst.

 

I don't have any miracle cure either I'm sorry but, I often end up having to co-sleep with my boy in the wee hours. I just put him on my chest and sleep on my back holding him. It means he is slightly upright and I think the fact he can hear my heart pumping settles him quite nicely. I don't get into a deep sleep, but he sleeps really well and I get some rest at least.

 

If you can get her to take a dummy it may help too. The sucking stimulates salivia which neutralises stomach acid and may soothe her throat. I had real trouble with Cooper taking it so would hold it in his mouth until he drifted off to sleep.

 

Otherwise, perhaps book yourself in to the Plunket rooms for the day. They may have some suggestions you haven't thought of and if they do get her to sleep you can pop out for some baby-free time or home for a quick nap. This was the best thing I ever did. They finally got him to sleep during the day (3 hours) and it seemed to break the cycle for us and I got to have a break, because like you, DH can't get him to sleep

 

Hopefully things get better for you

No wonder you are so tired and the problem when you get to this point is that you are just too tired to think!

Ditto the Plunket family rooms, heaps of people rave about them.
I've also heard loads of good things about the book - No Cry Sleep Solution.
Have you tired dummy?
And do you have a frontpack? Can dh take her in that? Most babies love the frontpack and that may be a way he can settle her starting out at one sleep a day and then maybe she'll get used to him.

God it's hard, i remember that feeling and i don't know what will work for you but don't give up, try loads of things till you find what does. It will get better and you'll look back and go 'man that sucked'.

For falling asleep quickly try banana - produces seratonin which helps you drop off to sleep.

What i did at 14 weeks when i just about went insane with sleep deprivation was go to my dr and he gave me a sleeping pill. I took a half and it meant that i was really drowsy and could get back to sleep quickly. I think adults can get overtired too and then it gets really hard to get back to sleep.   I also decided at this point to let my baby cry as i was going to go mad if i didn't get some sleep.

Just one more thing I have heard some difficult sleeping babies really like hammocks. You can bounce them and the continued bouncing seems to soothe them - and you can put them in the lounge with you if you don't want to be too far away. Do you use a sling? That rocking motion will help you to get things done during the day.

I'm kind of the opposite and have been using the Sleep Sense Programme which is going really well - however I frequently (since Nathan was born) sleep with Nathan in my bed during the day. Plunket say that daytime sleeps with baby are fine and less of a SIDS risk because you're not in a deep sleep. To ensure his safety, I make sure my pillow is nowhere near his face, and that he has his own separate blanket and check his airway is clear of stuff that could smother him - including how I position my body. I also cuddle him in front of me always - never have my back to him so I can't roll on him and I'm always aware he is there. I don't know what your baby is like, but mine settles easily and well when I cuddle him in bed, especially wrapped in a blanket and dummy in.

I respect your choices about avoiding your baby crying when settling/sleeping, but it makes it terribly hard on you. Try and get some time out to yourself in addition to rest. Rest will increase your milk supply too, of course.

I personally haven't heard of breastfeeding longer than 1hr and that is usually during that newborn stage so it would be good to talk to some experts (eg. Plunket/Lactation Consultant) about your milk supply with regards to that. I'm a pretty new mum myself but it makes me wonder whether your milk is sufficient if she is taking so long to feed, and then waking so frequently wanting more. And if all your milk boosting isn't working - perhaps talking over the idea of top-up feeds might be worth it? Talking to Plunket today re: my milk supply, they suggested getting a sachet of formula and trying to top up after a breastfeed to see if still hungry. Family centres will help with getting onto the bottle. Expressing can be exhausting too. I'm just thinking that the frequent waking could be related to reflux or milk supply - so you really need to deal with the cause, I think. Assess for reflux (and medication) or help her get on to top-up formula feeds. Just some ideas - up to you of course.

Good luck/take care!

Edited by newlywed

Just wanted to give you a cyber hug

It really sounds like you need help on all fronts! I'm off with Esme on Friday to waikato family centre trust which is like a plunket centre. I am hoping that'll help with her sleeping. Although I'm starting to think she is transitioning to 2 sleeps a day already.

I have read the no cry sleep solution and you might be able to use that to help her get used to DP. You settle her and then carefully pass her to him but take her back if she fusses etc same as transferring into bed iykwim.

For your sleep I find that during the day if I need a sleep I'm better off lying on the couch than getting into bed. If I get into bed I try too hard to go to sleep and take too long but on the couch I kinda just drift off. My mantra atm is don't stand if I can sit and don't sit if I can lay down!

Just to add: some Family Centres will allow you to sleep while they take care of your baby. I recommend it - used to do it all the time in the early days during my trouble feeding.

I just wanted to add that I know how hard it can be. Gabrielle was prem and had reflux and took between 1 and 2 hours to feed at night. She used to wake after an hour or so of sleep during the night and mostly I operated on 3 or 4 hours of sleep in 1 or 1.5 hour bursts. I think I sleptwalked my way through her first 4 months coz I was so tired. I hope some of the suggestions above work for you and you get some sleep. My doctor sent Gabrielle and I to mothercraft at Waikato hospital for a week because I was on the verge of collapse and it worked wonders for us. Its not for everyone but the basis of what they did was get her in to a four hourly routine and make sure I was feeding her enough. Part of Gabrielle's problem was that she was such a fussy feeder (coz of her reflux) that she never got the hind milk so never felt full enough to allow her to sleep for a while. She also had bright yellow runny poos coz of this.

Also - one of the other things I did that allowed me to get some sleep was get a battery operated swing (I brought mine from Baby City). It meant Gabrielle could sleep sitting up and required no input on my part except for strapping her in and setting the timer. The swing had lots of different settings but I found setting it for 15 minutes at medium speed with the music on low was often enough to settle her so I could sleep for a while. This was also a life saver when she was a little bit older as she got really sick and it was the only way she could sleep without the coughing keeping her awake.

I don't really have anything to add, and I can hardly think straight, but big hugs for you!   I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now as we have the same thing going on here.

J feeds for that long in the evenings too, and sometimes it's both sides, three times before I have literally nothing left to give him.   And then I rock, rock, rock, rock him to sleep only for him to wake 3 hours later every single night.   And then when I feed him again his tummy gurgles and he's frantic like I haven't fed him in weeks!

I also had a traumatic birth, followed by an emergency c-section, and he refuses all bottles. I woudl nap during the day with him but my nearly three year old doesn't have a day sleep anymore!

Anyway, this is your thread, so I'll stop talking about my sleep deprivation, but if it helps, you're not alone!