Changing sleep associations

What happens if you don't pace the floor with him and put him down awake?

IME some babies really just do need to be parented to sleep, especially by mum.

These first couple of years when things are the most intense then start to relax a little, are not forever - I know we as mums need "me" time but not being able to make it to meetings and stuff is also just going to be part of it.

You are doing a great job of caring for and nurturing him, I know it's easy to let the doubt slip in but you'll survive - I promise.

I think it is a given that babies and children need comfort, whether it is breast, bottle, thumb, wrapping, dummy or all of the above. I'm not a fan of forced weaning, as you might guess - unless there is a really big problem happening... in this case I'm guessing it's not a *huge* issue yet, and you want to change it gently. So, I can't really offer any ways how, but I think you'll have to end up replacing one thing with another - so if you want to get rid of the dummy, he may need another comforter like a blankie. The wrapping I would leave, since I understand you not wanting to shorten his naps if you can help it!

The pacing well, I hit the wall here too and can only think of maybe gradually reducing it... ie: rock for shorter amounts of time gradually over a couple of weeks and see how you go, if he's not happy about it then you know you just have to go with it and go back to pacing for however long it takes.

I know you've mentioned elsewhere that he doesn't feed straight to sleep - bit of a bugger there eh! (Not him, just the situation LOL) As that is how we roll, and I would probably be equally as frustrated if I didn't have that tool in my toolbox atm.

He does feed to sleep occasionally, I have just come out from resettling him and I did feed him to sleep, I do during the night. There is something so precious about holding a sleeping baby in your arms, I just sat there holding him for a while after he was asleep *contented sigh*

Maybe I am not in the right head space to make any changes, maybe that is why I am having so many problems deciding how to go about making the changes. I suppose I am just not sure how o tell when he will be ready to get rid of the wrap, I never had this with Jack so feel a little unshure in 'uncharted waters'. Also I really want DH to be able to settle him occasionally, I don't go out very often (read once in a blue moon) but I like the idea of being able to go out for an hour or so in the evening if I want to IYKWIM, knowing I have the 'freedom' to go out but not necessarily using it.

I am babbling, comes from not knowing my own mind I suppose *sigh*

Hey Linzy, we introduced a cuddly for H when he was about 5 months old as he was hating being wrapped but was unsettled when he wasn't. We have a little bear that is soft - basically two pieces of velvety fabric cut out in shape on bear, with a head and knots for arms and legs. He loves it! He chews and sucks on it, and puts in on his face and snuggles... it gave him something to do with his hands when we stopped wrapping him.

When we stopped wrapping we started with one arm out, and within a week went to just legs wrapped. Even now I find that he needs to go in the sleeping bag otherwise he won't go to sleep.

And at around 8 months we also went through a stage of hitting head, arms sticking in bars etc... I'd just go in, cuddle him until he was quiet and put him back to bed.

Hope this helps, good luck.

As for the pacing - have you tried cuddles/rocking but while you're sitting down? He might protest at first, but if you're firm and tell him that 'snuggles are in the chair tonight' it just might do the trick and he'll get the idea (even if not straight away) and you save your back in the process ;)

Or for an even gentler option: you could do it gradually - start off with mostly pacing/rocking then finish in the chair. Then gradually reduce the amount of time pacing/rocking and increase the amount of time in the chair, until (FX!) he's happy just sitting with you in the chair... might be worth a try anyway?

The Elizabeth Pantley idea for losing the dummy is the best one I've come across - where you take the dummy out at the last minute, replace it if he cries for it, and repeat until he doesn't notice you've taken it out. Then take the dummy out earlier each time once he's used to the idea. And you could swap it with the cuddly at that point to see what he thinks? Lol also, in my experience it really is the baby rather than the parent who chooses the 'cuddly' - we bought one for Bethany but she wasn't interested. Instead she ended up totally attached to a little tiger toy that I bought DH years ago from a $1,2,3 shop and started insisting it come to bed with her lol!

Oh, also - I have a friend who has wrapped her lil girl's fave teddy in with her since she was a few months old. You could try introducing a cuddly that way before you start to get rid of the wrap?

Sorry about the babble - hope you find the 'right' way for you somewhere amidst all of our chatter in response to your question ;)

I will have to watch and see how you get on with this, very similar situation here with my 13month daughter.

I was terrified to stop wrapping too but found really it wasn't too hard. I stopped wrapping during the night/day at same time so I wasn't tempted to go back. But for us it had to be done as it wasn't working anymore.

I started walking DD to sleep too, once she started crawling I couldn't get her to lie down in the cot. But then walking hurt my back so I tried just holding her in my arms and gently rocking which I still do and works well. From time to time I resort to walking about but as it's not so frequent my back is ok with that.

Like you I'd love to simplify things, BUT usually it means she'll go to sleep without a fuss and there is way less stress.

Good luck and please keep us updated how things go

We have had a bad day with Ben waking early, then not getting his first nap till after we got settled at playcentre. I think he is teething as well plus I have really bad blocked ducts so I am not in the mood for change, so the dummy went back in today as it was easier

I think I am going to work on DH being able to settle him. I was just in the shower trying to get rid of my rockhard boob and Ben woke. DH tried his best but couldn't get him back to sleep so I ended up going in to help. I think DH being able to help out is probably more important

Haven't read the replies but thought I'd add my 2c. 8mo is quite old to still be wrapping but personally I would leave that till last, because it will help him to feel secure while you are changing his sleep routine.

I wouldn't offer him a bear as a sleep association. WHO guidelines suggest no toys during their 1st year in life as it is a SIDS risk. I personally feel the same regarding blankets. Whether it's a dummy, a blanket or a toy - once it becomes a sleep association if you are starting it at this age, chances are it's going to become a burden for you in a couple of years time when you are trying to wean him from it.

Try some other sleep associations that don't involve a lot of work from you. For example, lullaby music on a CD or white noise. With my baby I put the dummy in his mouth to let him know it's bedtime, and he either goes to sleep with it in or if it pops out and he cries, I soothe him another way rather than putting it back in. However, it's wise to get rid of it at this age because the older they get, the less able they will tolerate not having it, therefore more of a battle. When weaning from reliance from his dummy, I would put him down sleepy, and pat his chest area as a little bit of motion to settle him (rather than pacing the floor with him - how exhausting!) Self-settling usually involves a little crying on his part. The Karitane nurse advised me to let him cry max. of 10mins but listen to the type of crying and if it stops and starts, just let him go... or if it's just grizzling (remembering that crying is communicating and he may just be saying "I'm tired!"). But go in and soothe if crying is escalating. Not sure if you feel comfortable with crying but those are some ideas..

Once he's settling himself, you could unwrap one arm for a few weeks, then both arms and have the wrap around his body and then leave it altogether. That's how I weaned Nathan and he was right as rain...

Edited by newlywed