Habit vs Routine

It is a bit confusing sometimes isn't it?! The quote that Heidismum put up of Elizabeth Pantley "There are no absolute rules about raising children. Raise yours in ways that are right for you. Address only problems that are problems to you. Don’t imagine problems because someone else thinks you have them, even if that person is family, friend or expert. Read, listen and learn constantly, but always sift what you learn through the strainer of your personal beliefs and parenting philosophy" is great in this kind of situation.

We still feed at night, DD has slept through a few times, so I know she can do it. Therefore my thinking is, if she's waking up, it's because she needs to...

Oh I hear ya! I am of the ''it's only a problem if I think it's a problem'' way of thinking. So the fact that my 10.5mth old still wakes at night for a quick feed doesn't bother me too much - even though she has previously slept through for 12 hours for weeks at a time. With that said, because she HAS slept through doesn't mean she should keep it up. She is still a baby afterall!

I personally think that it is a complete overgeneralisation to say that every baby over a certain age (6mths seems to be the most popular) shouldnt need feeding at night. Many a time I have been left a little perplexed by people who in one breath say ''every baby is different'', then in the next they say ''every baby should be doing XYZ by this age'' Contradiction much...

One thing I have learnt in the past year is to follow my OWN instincts, whether that means I need to ask for help because I'm stumped or to completely ignore the well-meaning but somewhat unhelpful advice that is dolled out by some people. If something doesn't sit right with me then I have learnt to investigate an alternative. Right now - night weaning her doesn't 'feel right' so I'm not about the start that battle.

Re routine - I haven't used one with my wee girl - but she basically got herself into her own groove, somewhere between 4-5mths (my memory is shocking!) and from 6mths everything has seemed to happen at roughly the same time each day. Another thing I've learnt is to TRUST DD - trust that she will tell me (not in so many words of course ) that she is hungry, has a dirty nappy, needs a cuddle, needs sleep etc. It works well for us - most of the time

Besides the fact that I find Elizabeth Pantley to be a very wise woman if you think about it routine and habit are the same flaming thing just have different connotations. LOL A 'habit' is something the baby just does, whereas 'routine' is being imposed on the baby by the parent. Did that make sense? LOL

For example:

If a baby is in a 'routine' and feeding every 3 hours that is somehow 'good' but if the baby is indicating that it needs feeding every 3 hours, especially at night past a certain age it is a 'habit' and is 'bad'. So why is one the epitome of parenthood and the other not?

IMO who cares if it is a habit or not, if the parents are happy to put up with the 'habit' then just let them get on with it and stop trying to tell or infer that they are doing something 'wrong' by not stopping said habit. All babies are 'routine' in nature in that they will do the same things at roughly the same times if left alone.

DS2 was still having night feeds until he night weaned at 11 months old, the waking continued for another2 months. The night feeding carried on despite him doing 3 weeks of 'sleeping through' at 7 months old and no amount of bf and/or solids would stop the night feeds until he decided he didn't need them any more. Even now, if he skips dinner he's not waking up at 2am looking for food, so a 'switch' obviously went off in his brain at 11 months that told him he could do without, and only HE knew when that was.

And I have rambled.......and probably made little sense either.

Exactly kaybee...and then later they 'blame' you if your baby doesn't do what they are 'supposed' to.    I usually end up chucking those across the room. LOL But then again, I borrow them so I try to gently put them down and walk away.

The thing I like about Pantley though over the others is that she doesn't tell or give you the impression that if you don't follow her advice you are doing something 'wrong' and she doesn't in any way 'blame' or infer blame for your baby/toddler sleep issues.

I agree that they should be used as a frame of reference only, but alot of new mums, especially first time ones, think they have to follow it to the letter or they will end up with a nightmare child who doesn't sleep. Alot of it is up to the baby too; I would have loved to still be bed sharing with DS2 but he decided that he settled better when in his own space and so did we. If we had insisted that he stay in our bed we would have gotten less sleep than we were getting.