Do I NEED a routine?

I'm not a routine sort of person. Never have been. I mean, I do kind of the same things every day - e.g I have Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner but don't have set times for them.

I don't really like the idea of a routine - it seems that it can easily get out of wack by doing one thing wrong like not getting the first sleep of the day sorted. I like the fact that Jude can sleep wherever - he doesn't need blackout curtains or a settling period and doesn't have a cuddly that he can't get to sleep without. We went to the rodeo last weekend and he was happy to sleep on a mat in between where DP and I were sitting on the side of a hill. It was also really really hot and he was so thirsty - that's where the feed, play, sleep routine would not have worked for us as he just kept wanting to drink and drink and drink!

So, when people ask me how often he feeds during the day or how many sleeps he has during the day - I have to think really hard about it. It changes day to day. I can vaguely say he usually has two hours up and then an hour or two sleep and feeds once or twice during the time he is up. But I don't watch the clock very closely

All in all - just going with the flow has worked really well for us. The only reason I'm asking whether we need a routine or not is that Jude slept through for a month but started waking once or twice a night from 4 months. Now, I know this is very normal for a baby his age and I'm fine getting up to feed him during the night.

The times that he wakes up in the night varies - sometimes its 12 and 4, sometimes its just at 3 or sometimes its 2 and whatever.

I'd assumed that since he'd sorted out sleeping through the first time that he would sort it out again. But I'd been doing some reading which suggested that he was waking again because he didn't know how to resettle himself rather than being hungry. They strongly recommended routines for everything. And also said that if we didn't put proper bedtime routines in place now then they would have trouble sleeping as toddlers and older.

So, I guess my question is - has anyone anyone else NOT had a routine (or had very loose routines) and has bubs gone back to sleeping through the night on their own? Or are we making a rod for our own backs - feeding to sleep and not having a proper bedtime routine?

Ha I totally can't contribute anything helpful to this sorry, as, at 8.5 months, Clodagh seems to have no intention of getting into a routine...and I *am* a routine person!  

We try to get her to follow a 'feed, play, sleep' rountine at *about* the same time each day and no way no how is she going to go down unless she's tired and ready for it. Sigh.

Today is a classic example. After a shocker of a night, she has been up since 6.30am and refused her morning nap just before 10am, totally refused another nap at 1 pm(and screamed bloody murder for 40 minutes) and only went down at 3.30pm.  I don't know why. She's too busy.

I'd say go with what works for you guys. Each situation is individual. I personally agree that a semblence of a rountine is a good thing without being militant about it. I don't agree that nursing to sleep is a bad thing at all though. But that's just different strokes for different folks

GL!

Edited by Emmecat

Ok now that I don't have a baby in my arms I can respond.

We have a very loose routine if at all. We do do feed play sleep, BUT in saying that now she is awake for alot longer she could have two feeds inbetween naps (if she bothers to nap at all

We used to have a semi routine for her dinner time in that it was 5.30 half hour sleep sometime between 6-7 then up bath if I could be bothered and bedtime at 8.30. Usually by 8.30 she is showing tired signs so thats not a prob. Lately the half hour sleep has been dropped. And don't get me started on last night  its the fake crying that annoys me more then anything and the shouting out to me because she wants attention even though we are right there.

You don't NEED a routine but following the basics is a good idea imo anyway as they know what to expect. I also started offering water over this summer as its been so hot she sometimes has some sometimes not. We don't have set times by anymeans as I like to sleep in as much as possible, which I used to be able to do but not so much now! (Come back my sleepy baby)

We did used to sleep through but for some annoying reason she rolls and because she can't roll back she wakes up and fake cries at me annoying and since she is in the room with us I ignore it for as long as I can.

Ok gotta go the fake cry is going on. I've been ignoring it lol

ETA: just as I finished typing two of my brothers came in and gave her attention so she shut up lol. Should go and get her dinner ready though I spose

Edited by oOElleOo

StaceyL wrote: I don't really like the idea of a routine - it seems that it can easily get out of wack by doing one thing wrong like not getting the first sleep of the day sorted.

Again, that's only a problem if YOU think it is IYGWIM? When C was really young some days would "go all wrong" in terms of his sleep, but you just do what you need to do (rock him, take him out for loooooooong walks lol) and carry on. Just like you would if you didn't call it a "routine." The the next morning we got up at the same time again and started all over again!

We were quite similar - no routine to speak of, demand feeding, and feeding in the night when she woke up. 2-4 times a night was fairly normal, sometimes none though!

That said, we do have a fairly regular bedtime routine of dinner, play, bath, play, feed, bed, normally around starting at 6-6.30 with dinner, and bed by 8 (depending on day sleeps). For example, the other day she was shattered at 5, so had a nap which lasted 2 hours, so didn't go to bed until 9.30! And we don't always have a bath either, so fairly lax.

I did the same as above over Christmas, when she was about 10 months old. Decided I was too tired to get up all the time, and made DH deal with her for the first part of the night, resettling. Then she only woke once for a feed, then not at all... I have found if I feed her at the first wake up, she wakes 3 hourly for feeding, but if I (or DH) re-settles, she sleeps through (sometimes til 5am, but hey, that's still good!).

I've always had a cut-off of 6am being the start of the day, the other day she woke at 5.45, and got fed and put back to sleep.

Rambly much? I guess we were lucky, DD slept through from 7 weeks to 6 months, and then it all went pear-shaped. I don't like the 'rod for your back' comment, cos you just do what works for you! We had to get tough though.

J was in a routine because we were told we 'needed' one....IMO it was a load of rubbish.    DS2 was fed to cues, put to bed when tired etc and I never really paid that much attention to the clock. He did 10 hours overnight when he was 7 months (was roughly a 3 hourly before that except during growth spurts) and 3 weeks later the night waking started again and only feeding would do. I am of the opinion that those 'experts' are talking out their backsides, true that some babies might not need feeding in the night but that doesn't mean they all don't. I started night weaning him at 9 months, giving boob if he was hysterical regardless of the time, and by 11 months he wasn't waking for feeding any more but he was still waking; this went on for another 8 weeks with us on less than 5 hours sleep in every 24 until I read Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution and he did 10 hours the first night we tweaked his bedtime.

Long story short, he still has bouts of night waking but that's normal and he doesn't always need our help to get back off to sleep, in fact he rarely does; he wasn't 'trained' to sleep (he's not a puppy) he just did stuff when he was ready like not wanting to be in our bed any more and being fed/rocked to sleep. We have a bedtime 'routine' that we do which when he was a baby was dinner, bath, milk, teeth, bed. Now it is dinner, shower/bath, teeth, story bed but it varies on when it starts and finishes though we like to have him in bed before 7pm.

My motto this time was do what needs doing so we all get back to bed as quickly as possible so we all get the sleep we need and IF we need to 'fix' it later, we'll deal with it then. We never had to 'fix' anything as such..........other than the fact we were putting him to bed too late. hehehehehe If you are happy to do what you are doing, go for it.    So I don't think you NEED one; but if you want to try and add a bit more structure into your day, but keep it light and don't get too wound up about if it goes wrong then there's no reason not to try and see if it will help.

I'm a big fan of bedtime routines and believe that's why my DD1 has always been a good nighttime sleeper. but if things are working ok for you then great, don't feel like you need a routine 'just because' you're supposed to.

My only caution would be if you are planning more children - I'm finding it a lot easier than anticipated with 2 children and DD1 has adjusted to her little sister without blinking an eyelid. A huge contributing factor has been because she has her daily/nightly routines which we've kept up since the arrival of her sister which means a lot less stress for the entire family.

I'm not entirelly sure where they get the idea that babies over 4 months old don't need feeding at night, I really think that some babies are hungry and do need a night feed, maybe just relax and wait until you have started and established solids then look at whether you want to drop his night feeds.
I went through all those same feelings of feeling like I was doing something wrong because I didn't let him cry when he was little and we don't really have a night time routine,
but I honestly don't think that I ever could establish a routine because my mind just does not work that way, I've tried but the routine has flown out the window by the first eat play sleep cycle because he woke after only 45 minutes and then what was I suppose to do then? I couldn't feed him, so then we played, but then I fed him, and then he went to sleep, It did my head in.

You sound like you are doing a great job, Jude is lucky to have a mum who cares so much about him that she is asking these questions, good luck.

StaceyL wrote: I wasn't worried about having a very loose routine until I read this "Research shows that more than 50% of babies who have difficulty settling or have continued night waking continue to have sleep problems as preschoolers and beyond."

What idiot said that? LOL

What bugs me is the definition of a sleep 'problem. For me a sleep "problem" occurs when parents aren't happy to do something AND it is having a major impact on your daily life. Those 8 weeks were a nightmare and though it made daily life hard, it was never a 'problem' to try rocking/feeding/shushing to sleep (not that it worked). I did it (DP worked and I didn't so I tended to deal with the 'night shift')because I didn't want him crying because a)he'd wake up his bro and b) he was really hysterical and that's not good for anybody and it is the way we choose to parent.

I think the other issue I have with alot of the sleep "experts" is that they don't actually understand infant/toddler/child sleep. Why are babies/toddlers/children expected to sleep all night without waking when I know as an ADULT even I can't do that? Everybody wakes in the night, eventually we all learn not to rely on help to fall back to sleep, but sometimes I can't sleep and have to get up and get a drink and/or read a book or put the telly on. Yet if my 8 month old wakes in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep he's somehow got a "problem"?

Anyway..pet peeve of mine. Can you tell?

From here

"Research shows that 50% of 6 month old babies not sleeping through the night are still having sleep problems as preschoolers! So make the decision to teach your child to be a great sleeper, rather than relying on luck to change their sleep habits. And the quicker you start to teach your baby to sleep through the night, the quicker they will sleep through!!!!"

50% is quite a lot!

Thanks for all your replies guys. I'm not stressing about this, but it's nice to hear other peoples point of views sometimes.

Edited by StaceyL