So Confused

Hugs hun, there are many of us who have been there! I was ready as soon as we got engaged in Feb 06 and after our wedding in Nov 06 DH and I sat down and negotiated a start date.

I wanted to start right away and he wanted to start Jan 09. We sat down and discussed they whys and DH realised that for me it wasnt a want but yearning that I couldnt turn off. I realised that he was frightened about a lot of things.. money, pressure of being the sole provider, not being a good dad etc.

We came to a mutual agreement of May 08 (DH had some exams to complete and this was the half way point).

In the end, no matter how much I wanted to make DH do what I wanted he needed a date in the future to work towards. He still wasnt ready then and would probably say he still isnt ready now!

Its so hard, I know how you feel but at the end of the day you both have to be on the same page and most times its us women who are forced to wait far longer than we want to!

I will say that if you are using BCP or depo or the like that you should come off it at least 6 months before you TTC as it can really muck some women up (It took me 6 months to ovulate post BCP).

Good luck!

I had the same thing at the beginning of this year.

I have two children from a previous marriage. DH and I met 5 1/2 years ago, and married in March 08, he is in every aspect apart from biological the kids dad.

When we got together we talked about having a child and decided not to so for years I thought I didnt want another child but when we got home from our family holiday in oz over christmas Jan this year I started to think about what I wanted from life and what it would take to feel "complete" if that makes sense.

I realised that our family didnt feel complete, deep down I always thought I would have another child after breaking up with the ex, and the only thing that would do that was for us to have a child together. This was a huge thing for us as our kids are now 8 and 11 so it was going right back to the beginning for us.

Dh did not share my desires and we had a few moments where we almost argued about it. Eventually I waited till late Feb then I put down in words what having a child meant to me and emailed it. He replied and then I replied back, all by email and we decided that we would take time to think about what we had said.

After lots more talks, tears and lots of paitence and compromises DH agreed to try to have a baby. It took us 2 months to concieve but we are now expecting a son in Feb.

What I am trying to say is let your partner know how much it means to you and be paitent (its hard but you have to do it) and let him get his head around the idea. If you cant talk without fighting about it then try writing down how you feel and then give him time to process what you have said.

Good luck, I hope you get the same result I did in the end

ETA: Sorry for the novel, I didnt realise it was such a long post.

Edited by Tauris75

I don't think there is a right time to have kids, but if we were to wait for it no babies would be born.

The one thing I know is you both have to want one & at the same time, it can be a stressful time TTC & then being pg & then the birth & then the next 18+ yrs.

I would sit down & talk to him, now is as good of time as any as it is bothering you. Set a ttc start date, it can take 6-12mths (or longer, I know) or you could fall the first time.

Take the time before to get ready for it, if using BCP, then stop & use other forms. Take folic asid, get fit & eat healthy (if need to), Start a baby fund ,I know you said money is not a problem so having a separate account will be fun when you are pg then you can go mad shopping. You might want to chart then you can see what you body does.

Babies & children can add stress & strain to any relationship try not to let the ttc do that.

good luck

and i think that if i did say it wont happen immediatly and that it will give him some time then i bet it will happen first month and he will not be happy!
i definatly want this to be something that we go into both wanting not me presurring him.

Hi Purple24,

I can totally sympathise with how you are feeling. We are in a pretty similar situation (with a few subtle differences!) DH and I got married in Dec 2008 and are planning to start TTC next year (probably from July onwards). We are originally from the UK and don't know all that many people in NZ so I've been seeing having a family as a potential avenue to meet people as well. Snap!

Like you, I have been 'ready' to start trying for what seems like forever now and, although DH is totally on board, he's alot more practical than me and wants to make sure we're going to have enough savings for me to have time off work and still pay the mortgage etc.

I have had some gynae. problems recently and had a laparoscopy last year. Although, I have been given a clean bill of health in terms of fertility equipment, the fact that my system is dodgy makes me really worried that we're going to have problems TTC and so I want to get started asap.

I too have been getting upset or angry or jealous recently whenever I hear about other people getting BFPs - which is so silly but I can't help it. I also feel guilty because I've got a number of friends who are having/have had fertility issues and as far as we know, we could be just fine. Oh, it's a real melting pot of emotions.

My advice.. for what it's worth - keep talking with DH. Be honest but don't feel you have to tell him every little emotion, I think that men and women really think about these things differently and that's why OB is s great - we can all be neurotic together!

Sorry this post turned into a novel...oops!