How do you keep going?

Hi everyone

Im just really struggling with this whole TTC thing and need to vent.

DH and I have been TTC for 5 or 6 months now. Im 23, so I thought it would happen quite quickly as Im young but it hasn't yet. I have a long cycle, around 39-40 days but I have been tested to see if there are any problems and there supposedly arent.

I went to the doctors today because I had really severe abdominal pain and they did a pregnancy test which was negative. AF is not due for another week so I thought it would probably be negative, but still seeing that negative again and again really knocks the wind out of my sails....

I feel like it will never happen because all the time it's only ever been negative and I take it so hard whenever that happens. I worry that I'm just not able to, terrified of it actually.

I still have hope this month because like I said Ive still got a week to go, but Im finding it so hard to be positive.

I know this must seem silly especially to people have been trying for years and have problems, but Im just finding it really hard to cope with it all. Any advice much appreciated

Huge hugs

It's a dreadfully hard journey, I know. I think it's made harder by the fact that your pain has to be very private, unless you're happy for the world to know you're TTC (and most people who haven't struggled don't understand anyway, even if you told them). So you've got this huge burden to carry, and there's only a few people who can really share it.

From my experiance, the only reason I keep going is because there isn't actually any choice. I want a kid, not trying won't help that, so trying is the only way. And you have setbacks, but you live through them because you have to - it's not like there's another option. And slowly, you feel a bit better, and enjoy life once more, until the next set-back. It's all very tiring, and sometimes it's the pits, but it's doable, it really is.

I reckon as 'duh' as it sounds, focussing on the good things really does help. When you're had a setback, have a good cry and wallow in it a bit - and then put it behind you and try and appreciate life. easier said than done, but it does help.

Having a few good friends you can confide with it great. My SIL knows (she had problems with infertility too) and I've met a couple of people from OB IRL. I'll spend a while talking to them - even not mentioning TTC - and feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. It's just so nice to have a conversation where you can say whatever comes to mind, even if it's TTC-related... you don't have to constantly repress something that's on your mind most of the time.

And OB is a wonderful support. The clomid ladies down on the infertility threads have been a life-line at times. No-one can understand what it's like except someone going through it. I know you're not on clomid, but feel free to pop down and say hi, we're not exclusive or anything

You're right, six months isn't long compared to some, but I remember the six month mark, and I know I was finding it really tough by that point, so don't feel bad, it's pretty normal to feel that way.

OK, my lunchbreak is nearly over, I have to get back to work - but huge hugs again

I struggled to get preg while TTC before DD surprised us... I went the first 9 months assuming it would happen 'soon' and got down every month... the months where I was a few days late were the worst as I would get my hopes up only to drop even further down... at the 9 month mark my GP got all the pre-requisite tests done so she could do a referral at the 12 month mark to fertility associates... and while all my tests came back perfectly normal... DPs didnt... I dont know what was worse, knowing what our problem was and that it wasn't something easily fixed. or going through the motions every month oblivious to the fact that it was never going to happen that way, which effectively gave me the chance to HAVE that hope every month... in the end we were about to go on the IVF waiting list via FA and DP had sarted taking some supplements to help out on his end... and then we got a wee surprise just as I was about to put all my TTCing stuff away!

Anyways... just wanted to put in my TCW and hope it helped even a little

lisaas101, you just keep trying & don't give up. Hate to say it but 6 mths is not that long in the ttc journey.

I fell quickly with my first was not trying or planning it & for some stupid reason thought I could not get pg. We then tried for #2, 6mths later but it took 3yrs & ended with a m/c at 13 weeks, so I gave up, the Dr said wait 6 mths but I thought I was lucky to have 1 & did not want to go through the trying & disappointment again. I fell pg 3 mths later, he will be 5 this week. When he was 10mths he stopped BF, found out I was pg, was not trying.

We have been trying for 3yrs to have 1 more want a little pink one as have 3 blue ones. But I have decided to stop now.

I recon if you stop stressing about it it will happen, did for me 3 times.

Good luck

I'm probably going to go with Bizzy's advice in the New Year and stop charting and obcessing about TTC, and go back to bding when ever we want to and not test until I'm a good 2-3 weeks late.

I was ok with it taking a while till I started charting and my temp picture telling me something different.

I've been pregnant before so know I can do it.

Thanks everyone for all your advice and I know you're right.

Unfortunately this month I had another disappointment and it really threw me as I had had all these symptoms and I really thought it was my time.

I think I am just obsessing about it too much and need to relax, no need to worry yet. And you're right the only way to get what I want is to just keep trying, it's all part of it and it will be worth it in the end.

I know this is an extremely sensitive topic guys, but I keep thinking its so easy to get wound in the TTC "buzz".... We are all putting so much pressure on ourselves! Just enjoy being with the one you love and maybe it will happen when you least expect it! I felt it became a bit of a chore to do it all right and i stopped just being in the moment with my wonderful guy. It can be just as hard for them.... I really know we all want a bub SO badly and i truly hope it happens sooner than later for all of us. Just thought i'd put my two cents in. I hope i havent offended anyone! Good luck

Hopes wrote: At the same time, when you've been trying for and wanting something for (in some cases) years and years, you can't just let go and enjoy it. You're told when to have sex - and yes, sometimes it's not when you'd chose to. You can't help hoping and praying each month - and when your hopes come crashing down, you can't help being devastated and hurt and wanting to give up. You can still have a wonderful relationship with your partner (we did and do!) but you have to accept that for you, and baby means hard work, constant BDing at the right time of month, and hurt and disappointment. You can relax to a degree, but it's OK and normal to care.

Can I just ditto this. The whole "relax and enjoy" is easy to say and impossible to do. If you have any fertility issues then no amount of relaxing in the world is going to get you pregnant.

I haven't read everyone elses response but I always read that you should give it a year of trying before worrying about anything.

I'd carry on trying BUT only test when you're at least a week overdue on your period so you don't keep concentrating on those negative tests. I only ever tested when my period was overdue by a week. How about you set up with your partner that he can only pay for pregnancy tests and can let you test after a week overdue so you don't get the urge to try beforehand.

That shouldn't be your be all & end all for life (not yet at least) as you are still young and it seems you have no history of anything for you to think that you're not fertile so enjoy the sex and track your ovulating times and then relax and enjoy life. It should be an enjoyable experience and not a worrying one (well, until a year's gone and then you can worry).

Obviosly only my opinion and easier said than done I'm sure. Good luck with TTC and I hope it'll be your time soon.

Lisa, just wanted to comment, Im 21 and this is month 6 for us too.
I have had endo but was removed two years ago now so may be on its way back, who knows.
Iv been charting which helps me keep focused and also makes me realise when we shuld be BDing to make sure we time it well too
Iv also started OPKS which i love as today got my POS OPK for the month and although it doesnt mean preggy it makes me feel good to see two strong lines IYKWIM?

Im taking vitex to help me ov earlier which i have so far 3 days earlier than normal and taking B6 for lengthening my LP which it added two days on last month and im hoping for more this month.
I just tell myself our time is coming have a mope and a bottle of wine with AF and then keep charting my way through to the next ov, we went to docs this month and they basically said dont come back till 1 year has been up as we are young and they wont bother with us as the 35+ year olds need the help first.
I understand that their time maybe more limited but it doesnt stop us wanting ours now, im penalised for wanting kids younger and meeting DH younger etc, i would have at least like some tests done.

Managed to get progesterone LH and FSH tested this month though, but thats it till the year mark and then DH will be tested too.

Sorry for the rant just wanted to say your not alone here hun, feel free to PM me or check out my vlog
LINK