When is your mum coming?

Nope, nope and nope.. quite simply nope! lol

My mum came to visit in hospital after Daniel was born, she came to visit at home every now and then but that was only to visit not to help. DH had a month off also and it was great for us. DH and Daniel have a great bond because of it. DH also had more appreciation of what my days would b e like once he was at work. You can definitely do it yourselves

I don't think you are crazy - especially if DH is taking a month off! You're right, you two need to work it out by yourselves and you can always call her if you need to.

My mum came down when DS was born for a few day visits but two weeks after he arrived she went overseas for six weeks. I missed having someone to call on, but it worked out okay and we got into the swing of things ourselves.

I think it sounds like you've got the right idea.

Df and I did EVERYTHING by ourselves. Absolutely no family or friends came for 3 weeks. It was hard, however it was the feeding that was hard and no one can take your baby away to feed except you (well if you are breast feeding).

DF was back at work for about 3-4 hours a day, from the day we got home from hospital and then returend to normal hours once mum arrived at 3 weeks (he wasn't planning on going back but we were expecting dd to come late, not early).

I must say it was a relief to have mum here for a week when DD was 3 weeks, and by this point she could take her and entertain her while I got a quick nap- it was great!

I got sick of poeople saying (including my mum) that we would need someone there - Well we managed and got through it and I would not have changed it!!

Thanks Glad to hear I'm not being ridiculously optimistic.

The only reason DH is home for so long is because of the christmas stats when his office is closed anyway. But he's the sort who is really helpful around the house and is the best support I could think of.

The trouble with my mum coming is she lives a full days drive away, so she'd be coming for a while and staying with us full time. I'd be fine with her popping around sometimes if that was a possibility but the thought of her coming for a week or more is way too much for me, especially right at the beginning!

We never had either mum come and stay, it would drive me barmy. MIL would have loved it if she could have, all the cooing etc she could have done!! In saying that, they are both available if we need them, for any help. Mum has come with me to the doctor for the girls immunisations, she babysat when I had a job interview, and there was a time when I rang her at work with a screaming baby in one arm asking what on earth I could do to stop it...so she has been available but not over-bearing, and I think that's what you need, so you and bubs can get to know each other in your own space.

My mother lives in the UK- she came when bubs was 6 weeks but stayed with my sister and visited us daily. She's not really a granmother type IYKWIM but was great support during my pregnancy (via Skype). We did everything ourselves and the in laws dropped food off regularly. It's very do-able

Angs1982 wrote: You might be surprised. I had to have my mum at the birth of my daughter as my husband was overseas. She was a great support.

I think that this depends on the relationship that you have though. My mum was at the birth of the girls (DH has a weak belly and wouldn't come into the operating room) which was great - she's been through it 5 times, although not c-sections, so knew how I was feeling with contractions etc. But when we took the girls home (fair enough, they were 4 weeks old by then) my ILs were at home waiting for us, and they stayed for tea (supplied by someone else) and didn't go home until about 8.30pm. I wanted to go home and get settled in with the girls and be able to sit and take a deep breath, which I just couldn't do. They were there for the next 2 days as well, doing work on the house, when I just wanted space and to get the girls into our own routine and spend time with them by ourselves.

So I think that it does hugely depend on your relationship with your mum/MIL and if you actually want them there.

We ended up with the ILs here a few days after Nat was born - the ILs live in Aussie, but fortunately they were staying with SIL, so we didn't have them 24/7. It was actually a PITA when they were here, because all they seemed to do was sit around and drink coffee and we had to ask them to help etc.

Like some of the others, my Mum died before Nat was born, but I did have my Aunt (Mum's sister) over, and she was so great doing housework and cooking/baking etc for us.

I really wish we had been able to have some more support right after the birth (especially as I only stayed in hospital one night). DH took 2 weeks off, but it was really a case of the blind leading the blind

One thing that was really great was being able to have MIL just give cuddles/hold Nat after I had fed her, and I could go get a nap without having to worry, especially as DH was often popping out to do errands etc.

Do you think your Mum would be offended by not having her there to help? I would suggest that if you do decide to have anyone there as support after, that you be upfront about what you need - someone to do housework, cook dinners etc, and maybe be an extra pair of arms when you need them, but that you need to figure things out for yourself, and don't want her interfering with un-asked-for advice.

My DH took 3 weeks off work and we did pretty much everything ourselves for the first 8 weeks until I hit rock bottom and needed help, my DH works very very long hours he is gone before DD is awake and back when she is in bed for the night.
Now my MIL has DD for 2 hours, twice a week plus my DH has her for one day. I'm working and running a business though so thats not that much help for the amount of work I do.
I think MIL and Mums become more handy for babysitting rather than the first few weeks after the birth at least then you are the boss and can tell them the routine etc. My MIL is a ex plunket nurse so you can imagine the debates I have had with her, especially as we are non-vaccinating, baby wearing, homeopathical based, and going to do baby lead weaning! haha

We imported my Mum for 6 weeks. lol! I was very skeptical about how it would go with her living with us for so long but it was brilliant. The day be brought the girls home from NICU she had dinner waiting on the table for us.
She just stayed in the background and kept meals on the table and the house tidy. She left me and DH figure out what to do with the girls.
It did help that she is quite thick skinned and was able to forgive me for being tired and grumpy.

The day she left DHs parents arrived for 10 days and I hated that. While they did help out around the house, it was obvious they were here to 'visit' , while Mum was here to 'help'.

I was so happy after 8 weeks to be at home alone with the girls.