did I marry this man?

I am just wondering;
Are there more women around here that have experienced huge changes in their husband/partner after the baby was born...?

I just can't seem to shake the feeling (or get past it) that my husband has changed so much and is not the man (I thought) I married...
The typical man-syndrome I think; I do everything and he won't get off his butt unless I nag him...hate that
Normally he was the one motivating me and kicking my ass if I was still in bed at 9am...now I have to wake him and ask him to do stuff or he will just sit on the couch and watch tv. We have our own company and he needs to get out there and do stuff, I do the office work and take care of our son

Any body ever heard of guys ending up in a depression after the baby was born?
Sometimes I think he does not feel that he provides us what he wants to provide us and therefore gets stuck in his thoughts and isn't able to do anything anymore...if that makes sense to anyone

Of course it does not make me 'want' him or anything so the pressure builds up between us and before I know it..I'm the problem....

Most of the time we are ok but we used to be fantastic...I want that back...
I start to dopubt myself more and more...what am I doing wrong..?

I agree with what Heidismum has said.

My DH was diagnosed with depression 3 weeks ago, it started before Ryan was born and I think it actually started while I was pregnant rather than before that. Although there is a history of depression in his family so that will likely be part of it. I've heard that it's not uncommon for men to get a form of postnatal depression. Might pay to get your DH to speak to his GP or someone else he can open up to.

Sorry I hope that makes some form of sense

Can you have some time out together? for lunch, dinner ... no bubs for a while and maybe relax together or have a talk. Is he stressed out cause of work or feel pressured in any way (ie maybe number two baby?). Sometimes just clearing the air will be all you need to do to get back on track. I know its not easy my hubby is self employed, 7 days a week and I work 40 hours too, we pretty much just get stuck in and do what needs doing at home and we don't get any time out as we have no family here. I've learnt to speak up now and insist hubby come home for at least half a Sunday - its not ideal but its a start - somehow I think we get lost and become parents 1st and sometimes we forget out the us. I hope that it gets better for you soon!

The difficult thing about the depression thing is; he can still function...it is not that he can't do anything...when he has a job to do, he does it. It is the total lack of motivation getting up to do it. If he has to go to work he does.. as this is an obligation and in his mind there's no way he could not go...Generally people having a depression can't function at all...can they? not even during doing 'normal' things..? As the guy in the article, provided by Maya (thanks for that!), also mentioned...My husband is not like that...

I'll try that Blackmore mens multi...you never know it might help him...thank you
He has mentioned a while ago that he thought he might be depressed..He said he wanted to go to the doctor but then doesn't....he says he is going to do a lot of things but never does....'I should' is a very popular start of his sentences these days...going to a counsellor would probably not be one of his favourite things...
I just don't know if he realises the pressure he's putting on me...

Deviding up the chores might be a good idea...it could make him realise what chores are there to be done in the first place, he is a typical man; he just does not even SEE the work that needs to be done, hihihi.

No pressure for a second baby...he wants it more than I do I think...but no real talks about that at all. I do think that the whole financial situation is stressing him out a bit. He feels the pressure of the need for money....I do think we need more time with just eachother which seems to be impossible for us...he is very busy with friends and social obligations and as we have just moved here 1.5 years ago from Holland, I do not have any friends of my own yet. No family on my side too...and on his side his sister (who barely has time) is the only babysitter available....I've told him many times that I need us to do stuff together but he does not seem to want to as he just does his thing and I'm stuck at home...

Luckily he has been a lot better with Jimi, especially when he has been working long hours; he'll spend more 1on1 time with him, that is good...
He is a great dad but again; most of the time he just does not see what he needs to do...

Thank you all for your responses...venting helps and I hope to hear more of your thoughts....

I haven't read all the replies, cos I'm lacking motivation myself at the moment, but my Dh has had two episodes (as we jokingly call them) one right before Spencer was born that he got over as soon as Spencer was here. I was in and out of hospital etc and I think it all just got too much for him, he's a big worrier and I'm the one that normally holds everything together. Then right before Kyle was born he collapsed at work and ended up at A & E, he had had a massive panic attack. Well he kind of got over it but then was off work at lot cos of xmas then he had time off when Kyle arrived and once he was suppose to go back things went down hill quickly and he started becoming agoraphobic, he ended up being signed off work for a month and I persuaded him that he should see a counsellor. Now he wouldn't actually listen to me so I printed a load of stuff off the net about panic attacks and agoraphobia and gave it to him to read then he came to the conclusion himself (kind of, if you get what I mean). He was very reluctant to take meds so he went to see a homeopathic doc and things improved but not enough so he is now taking proper meds and has been back at work for months and feels normal again. He will probably be on the meds long term as I believe the problem was always there but the added pressure of a couple of kids pushed him over the edge. He saw the counsellor for a few weeks and has learnt techniques to pull himself out of negative thought circles. One thing as well that was brought up is that he is a perfectionist and because he hates not being able to do things perfectly he chooses not to do them at all. When he told me that, the penny dropped for me and it explains so much of what happens around here.

Anyway, not a depression story but a mental illness none the less.

mummy becks...what is that magazine? I'm sorry...still new to New Zealand...

I've had a few talks to DH now and I can tell that he is thinking about it... during the talk it seems to me that he doesn't do things because he isn't sure anymore what the right thing to do is...
He always used to have a clear path and seems to have lost that...does that make any sense?

I am planning to go to my GP soon and asking for help, see what he says...

My GP said that new research is saying that PND is just as common in men as it is in women... I thought that was really surprising.

If he is depressed then he might still be motivated to work etc... that might be what sort of "stabilises" him if that makes sense, he feels like he's needed and useful and it's something he doesn't have to put all his emotion into either, he can just turn up, and do what's required.

Try talk to him about how he's been feeling and see if you can talk to the GP as well. If he doesn't want to consider counselling on his own, maybe you could see about getting counselling as a couple.

Make sure you are always telling him how much you need him (not in a nagging way, but a thank goodness you are in my life way) and if he does anything for you or helps around the house then make sure he knows that you really, really appreciate it and that you really needed that help. That will hopefully motivate him to help out more because he knows that he's needed and that you love him for being there for you.