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caraMel
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Topic: Threats and bribes Posted: 02 October 2006 at 1:28pm |
Ella is now well and truly in the throes of the 'terrible twos'. One minute she is an absolute sweetheart and I just want to cuddle and kiss her fro being so adorable, the next she is a deliberately disobedient tantying monster!
I find myself constantly resorting to threats and bribes to get her to behave and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing...
I threaten with going to the naughty corner, or not getting the thing she wanted. Occasionaly I'll threaten with a smack.
I bribe her with toys that are reserved for supervised play like paints and treats like biscuits or muesli bars. If its a food battle we often bribe her with a lolly as incentive to finish whatever is causing the tantrum.
I'm after your opinions, is this a bad way to handle tantrums?
Any suggestions of other things that might work?
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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 1:36pm |
I swear by sticker charts. At that age they understand that getting a sticker is good. At the end of the sticker chart they get a reward - I made it a Thomas DVD as Andrew loves Thomas. You could make it a sticker a day if she doesn't get put in the naughty corner. Make a big deal of getting a sticker each day and make sure she understands that she doesn't just get a sticker she has to earn it.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 4:44pm |
I hate toddlers.
At the moment I am concentrating on following through and being consistent. If I give a warning and tell her what will happen if she doesn't comply... I make sure she doesn't call my bluff.
Sometimes I get lazy and have found that she just runs rings around me.
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kebakat
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 6:22pm |
I've looked after a friends lil one for a few days once, and I love her approach for a lil one and I soooo intend on using it whenever I have kids lol..
Andrea's toys were all in one of those big plastic boxes which was decorated all pretty by her and her mum but it has a lock on it. when she's good she's got free access to it. when she is bad, it gets locked up and she has to earn her toys back one at a time, one for each hour that she is good. And my friend has been very very consistant with this and she's an angel to look after. One warning and then she knows whats next so she stops straight away.
When she's a really good girl she gets to do art with her mum or whoever is looking after her. her mum brought all these sparkles and stuff from spotlight and some glue and lil pots of paint and stuff and she loves it to bits that she's always sooo good because she knows that only happens when she's a good girl.
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busymum
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 7:45pm |
Hiya, by 2yrs we deal with tantrums by taking the child to their bedroom (or the bathroom or whatever room is free and free of toys) and they can come back when they are "happy". I have found that this gets the attention completely off them and then it's not so exciting to be tantruming! With everything else I give a stern warning and then make sure I follow through.
As for food though, I don't make it a big deal. I serve Hannah up small amounts of each meal. Sometimes she's really hungry, sometimes not, but overall she gets a good amount of food and good food.
Hope that helps
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lizzle
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 8:08pm |
I found the time-out corner really worked for us. Jake had time to calm down and so did I! the problem we have now is Taine "visiting" and organising "prison breaks". we are pretty strict with the warning and then into the corner though. I try to give him lots of praise when he is doing something nice and I rarely reward him with food. Funnily enough he goes staright past biscuits to raw carrots at present. weird kid.
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mum2paris
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 9:05pm |
I know this sounds really stupid but have you thought of re-phrasing things.. lol.. Paris gets soo annoyed with me cos she is starting to catch on to my game a little now but give her choices.
Ie: "you have two choices.. you can stay here and play with ... or, you can (whatever she is doing wrong, hitting tantruming etc) and I will have to send you to your room". follow though on it too, she will quicly learn the right choices to make.. and as time goes on she will also learn that it is not your fault if she chooses the wrong one.. it's hers.. its a good learning exercise.
also i found that if you want them to do something but they want to do something else.. :"Ok, I think that would be great.. you CAN go and play outside once you have cleaned up your toys, quick lets do that so we can go outside ok? How bout I race you/how about we pretend to be diggers and SCOOOP the toys up with our arms/how much can you carry? I can carry 10 toys in my hands how about you?"
Of course.. there are times when it just doesn't work and you can't be bothered.. lol. and then it all goes out the window and chaos ensues.
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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mum2paris
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 9:13pm |
With dinner we have the "one-bite rule" we put a little bit of everything on her plate, making sure the servings aren't too big.. remember serving as big as the palm of their hand, if there is something she doesn't like Paris has to have at least 1 bite of it.. same with new things.. I go by the idea that you have to taste it at least once to know you don't like it. after that, if you don't like it (within reason..) then you don't have to have it again.. we leave it and try again in a few months. If she's being silly with dinner, won't eat it all or whatever, set reasonable limits.. I usually say to Paris "ok, eat 2 spoonfulls of veges and 3 of meat and then you can finish" she thinks she's won.. we know that at least we will get 5 more spoonfuls of food into her. lol
Again.. we sometimes have nights where she is left, with 1 mouthful left in her mouth, the last spoonfull we gave her to eat.. she has been know to keep a mouthful of peas or carrots in the side of her mouth for up to 45 mins.. we now set a limit on these times.. whereby if she isn't finished by the time the kitchen timer goes in 3 - 5 mins then its jammies and bed.
Sometimes i feel we are diplomatic in our approaches, and sometimes i feel like a real harda$$
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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lizzle
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 9:30pm |
Funny Janine, I am reading about the "choices" technique in my intergrated teaching studies book - for an assignment (that is hould be doing now). It was founded by Ginott who also did the "sane messages" and has been on "the tonight show"
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lizzle
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 9:31pm |
and my favourite Jake trick is when he leads me to the biscuit jar and in his babble whispers "cookie...(points at daddy) shhhhhh"
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mum2paris
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Posted: 02 October 2006 at 9:43pm |
yeah Paris has that sorta thing too, and Ayja.
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Janine and her 2 cool chicks, Paris & Ayja
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Maya
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Posted: 03 October 2006 at 9:21am |
Lol Janine, we do the "one more bite" thing too, but it's usually a bribe coz Maya wants a piece of bread and butter, so I make her eat say two bites of meat and two pieces of brocoli first so she doesn't fill up on bread.
With the threats, she hadn't had a smack in about 6 months and the past couple of weeks she has been a real monkey and every second sentence out of my mouth seemed to be "If you don't ..... then you'll get a smack". Till Willie pointed out that it was useless just threatening it coz she knew I wasn't going to smack her. So the other day I finally followed thru and gave her a little tap on the leg , and she got such a fright that she's been pretty good since (how long will it last tho?). Not saying smacking is the answer, more just following thru.
Another thing that works for us is counting to 3. I'm not sure what would happen if I actually got to 3 coz Maya usually gets that I mean business and picks up her toys or whatever she's been told to do.
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caraMel
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Posted: 03 October 2006 at 11:09am |
Thanks everyone, your advice has made me feel heaps more positive about my approach to her tantys!
I've just re-read what I wrote and I sound pretty hopeless eh?
I think I've just become lazy since Ben arrived and undone all the routines we had in place for tantrums before... now she's struggling with being a 2 year old, and having to share the limelight!
Janine, I had to laugh at you saying about Paris holding food in her mouth. That is one of Ella's best tricks and she's been known to sit in the corner with a mouthful for over an hour. I'm definitely going to start using the timer on her from now on!
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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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busymum
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Posted: 03 October 2006 at 12:16pm |
Oh you don't sound hopeless at all! Strong will is one of the hardest battles against parents! Keep it up
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aimeejoy
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Posted: 03 October 2006 at 1:16pm |
This has been really interesting. Going to try and store it all in my head for when its my turn...
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Aimee
Hannah 22/10/05
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 03 October 2006 at 1:28pm |
I just thought of something else really ridiculous that I use to try and get Han to do what I want her to - The 'Super Excited Voice'. Sound like an absolute idiot but it's more effective than 'Grumpy Mummy Voice'... most hilarious when you alternate between the two.
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meow
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Posted: 04 October 2006 at 11:53pm |
Nikki, that's not ridiculous, it's actually a technique we learned in our parenting course we did through Parents Inc.. although when I try it on Ella, she looks at me as if I'm an idiot lol
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 05 October 2006 at 10:56am |
Still sounds silly  You'll have heard me doing it! hehehe
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Anna
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Posted: 05 October 2006 at 12:11pm |
I use the 'super excited mummy tone' too!! Usually followed by the 'gasp and wow'
ie...
"can quinn eat all his pe-eas?" (in super high pitched happy voice)
Gasp!! "wow! you ca-an!"
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Anna
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 05 October 2006 at 1:03pm |
Love it!
Mine is usually followed by a "Hannah! Stop throwing the flipping peas on the FLOOR!!!"
And Anna - just typed up a mega-reply to your PM and apparently your inbox is full.  The next reply will be considerably shorter.
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