Am I physcologically scaring my child?

I'm so confused!

I am Mum to a bright and happy just over 3 month old girl. She sleeps from 9.30 - 6.30, waking sometimes for a quick feed in that time period, and then waking to get up on hubbys alarm. She still sleeps in our bedroom.


When she is up and awake, I attend to her every need, cry, etc We do alot of talking touching etc. during this time.

When its time to get ready for bed, I swaddle her, take her on a wee walk around the house, and then put her to bed with a wee kiss on the head. She starts crying, but by ten minutes she is sound asleep. The longest I've let her go was 15mins and I was having a terrible day myself, I needed that extra bit of time. Generally on the ten min mark we get up again. By 5 mins she's wimpering, by ten she's out to it.

Am I mean for letting her go to sleep in this way? I started it because it wasn't pointed out to me by a lot of people that if I walk her to sleep every sleep, it's going to be incredibly difficult later on. Also, walking her to sleep is the only way she'll go down without crying, and it's starting to cause me pain and injury. I'm not a strong person and I can't afford the osteo bills to keep it up!

As soon as she stirs I'm next to the bassinet and she wakes up grinning at me.

The research suggests that I'm going to do her long term emotional damage :( I feel like a super bad mum for handling her sleep this way, despite physically feeling better for it myself.

Sorry this is so wordy

  It sounds to me like you have a really good routine in place. I don't see how that could be psychologically damaging it's not as though you're leaving her to cry for excessive periods of time.  Ignore the research, look hard enough and you'll find enough studies to conclude that basically every way of putting your child to bed is psychologically damaging.

What it sounds like is that you're allowing her to grumble and fuss a bit while she self settles (remembering that crying is the only way they have of doing this at her age) but that if she works herself into actual distress you go in and tend to her and IMO you're doing a great job - keep it up.

As long as all her needs have been attended too and she is well then you are not causing her any psychological harm. The research does say that control crying is not appropriate for a child under 6 months old but really I think they mean leaving the baby to cry without comfort for a lot longer than 10 minutes. As you said she is bright and happy when she is up if you were causing any psychological damage she wouldn't be.
I think you are doing a great job, you have got to know your baby and know what works for her. The fact she wakes up grinning and happy to see her mummy is all the proof you need that you are a good mummy!

I know how you feel - there have been times when I've left Daniel to cry - sometimes cos I need a few minutes longer than the 10, and I then anxiously look at him when he wakes up, paranoid that he doesn't like me anymore.    Ah, mother guilt . Glad you're feeling more comfortable about it.

I *wish* I had let my one cry a bit more and learn to self settle. Even now, at 3 years old, she wont go to sleep by herself and each night we spend at least 30 mins getting her to sleep in our bed.

I think you are doing an awesome job. I hope I have as much success as you do with my second one.   

Hi

I think it sounds like you're doing a great job too. I would try to wean off the walking around though, if it's getting too tiring. And I certainly don't think you're doing her psychological damage by leaving her to have a wee grizzle - I'm not a child psychologist (though I am a psychologist) and I think it would be worse if you taught her that you'll come rushing in everytime she starts to cry.

As an aside I was a baby in the days before car-seats were compulsory, and when I was one year old we had an accident and I went face-first into the windscreen (fortunately most of the scarring is behind my hairline). After that, every night, as soon as Mum put me down to sleep I started screaming (I guess because I was asleep at the time of the accident), and the only way she could get me to sleep was to walk around with me until the early hours of the mornig. Obviously I eventually got over it (I don't stilllscream when I go to bed ) - after a few months I think (my poor mum!) and I don't think I'm psychologically scarred .
My point is that I think babies are more psychologically resilient than we sometimes give them credit for. I think a key thing is for parents to be as happy and loving with their kids as possible, recognising that kids are individual while also having firm boundaries.

FLAKE!!!!

Hun your doing awesomely! I let Lochy cry most nights, Well now anyways.
I used to run in at each squeak until I realised I wasn't letting him self sooth, now he's absolutely fine.
He grizzles for about 20mins most nights be that most of the time his eyes are closed he's sucking contently on his dummy but still making a fuss (if that makes any sence)

I wouldn't worry so much Hun! Your a great mum!

As the other ladies have said, you sound as tho your'e doing a great job , thats exactly how I put Caitlyn down , awake and would wait ten minutes .
Nearly 7 years on , I still see no sign of psychological damage