Young Mums

Ok so apologies in advance as I know this is a going to be a bit of a woe is me post. I have been feeling really low lately and just need to get this off my chest.

I love my girls more than anything and I wouldn't change my life for anything but sometimes I am just so over being a young mum.
I am just sick of feeling like I am constantly being looked down upon, sick of people expecting me to fail and when ever I find my self struggling I cant ever admit it because I am scared people are just going to rub it in my face saying I told you so. That I really am too young to raise my own children.
Right now I have been having real trouble coping with both the girls at home on my own, trying so hard to sort out Keira's toilet training, keeping her busy and out of trouble. To not constantly be hurting her little sister. Maddi is gorgeous but I feel like I don't ever get to spend time with her, all I seem to be doing is chasing her around he house pulling things out of her mouth. And trying to keep the house sorted on top of that, get meals prepared and keeping it all clean (it should be easy as there really isn't much of it) becomes all too much sometimes.
My mum lives next door and I don't want her or anybody to see me not on top of everything. I have to try so hard to have the house really clean, the girls well behaved or I fear I am proving everyone right who thinks I am too young. When I first found out I was pregnant every body told me how stupid I was and that it was going to be really difficult.

I have been feeling really lonely and this is the first time I have been able to admit it. So many of my old friends are in a completely different stage of live and friendships have really struggled to a point where I don't even anyone any more.

Making new friends is hard as the only places I really get out to are play groups and things for the girls and all the mums there are just so much older. I feel uncomfortable at play groups, like I am too young and stupid to be talked to. I know I have self confidence issues and I need to make more of an effort on my part but I just don't feel good enough for them.   

I know there are lots of other young mums where I live but I really struggle to find anything in common with them, most of them are years younger, are single and still like to party. I don't think I am your typical teenage mum, I am married and live a pretty boring life. Being young I guess I am automatically categorised into that group.

The friends I do have seem to had suddenly stopped inviting my places, I have tried talking to them and invited them to things myself and no one is interested. A few of them do have kids and I thought maybe they would understand. I am busy with the girls all day so don't have the time they do to sit and chat all day long and cant just decide to pop out for a coffee. The last time I hung out with them I had to take one of the Girls because DH refused to have both on his own and now I'm wondering if they don't invite me because they think I am too busy with the girls. I need a break sometimes and now have no where to go.

I just dont know where I fit anymore.

Just wondering how many other young mums are out there? And if anyone else is feeling the same way?

Hey Daizy

Can i just say when i met you at the weekend, you struck me as being totally together and sorted - not sure how old you are, but i am 32 and go through similar sorts of issues with wanting to appear on top of things (and with only 1 baby . . .) I admire anyone who can do the baby thing with a toddler in tow as well! I have also been criticised once or twice for being too old to start a family. There are always people out there ready to pass judgement on mums whatever

we'll certainly have to keep up with the welly / kapiti meet ups - you fit in with that!

Hi Daizy!
I know just how you feel I'm 23 and Mum to twins. All 3 of my sisters waited till their 30's to have kids so I've always felt like a dispointment to my parents (not that they really think that of me) I'm constantly trying to keep up appearances like I have it all together because I think that people often assume that because your a young Mum you may not be the most responsible or together person.

The hardest thing for me is all my friends are traveling overseas and have no interest in babies what so ever. So it can be hard to adjust to this new, slightly more iscolated life. I used to meet my girlfriends every other week in town for drinks and a catch up but I could tell that they were sick of hearing about my babies (which is the only conversation starter I have these days) I guess thats why places like this forum are good I've found a few Mums my age in CHCH that I get on with and it shows me that while my old life is over theres a new and hopefully better one ahead with new people and oppertunities. Don't worry chick theres so many of us out there and the only people whos opinions of you truely matter is your kids I think it sounds like your doing a great job hang in there dude

Hi Daizy,
I think every mum understands the loneliness you speak of. I am just a bit older than you, 28 and find the same thing with my friends. I was the first to get married and the first to have children, now I have two under two. And my friends are off travelling and going out, they seem to have exciting things to talk about all the time and the only thing I can talk about with any depth is my babies, and then they only really want to hear that all is well not the unromantic nitty gritty of everyday. And I know as much as you love being a mum it is not all you need in life to be happy.
I know that mother's groups and playcentre can be quite scary to go to especially when you are shy but I think it will be good for you to get out and be with other mums. And hey, I realise that you were a teenager when you had your first baby but you aren't any more you are a grown women,you are married with two children, you are a great and capable mum and other women will recognise that if you give them I chance to get to know you. I think you are very hard on yourself, you sound like a great mum and anyone worth their salt would respect that no matter what your age.
I don' know how supportive your Mum is but could you ask her to have a special Keira and Nana outing once a week so you can spend some time with Maddi? Or even if she could take both of them so you can have some time to yourself? Even just an hour?

Daizy wrote: I love my girls more than anything and I wouldn't change my life for anything but sometimes I am just so over being a young mum. I am just sick of feeling like I am constantly being looked down upon, sick of people expecting me to fail and when ever I find my self struggling I cant ever admit it because I am scared people are just going to rub it in my face saying I told you so. That I really am too young to raise my own children. Right now I have been having real trouble coping with both the girls at home on my own, trying so hard to sort out Keira's toilet training, keeping her busy and out of trouble. To not constantly be hurting her little sister. Maddi is gorgeous but I feel like I don't ever get to spend time with her, all I seem to be doing is chasing her around he house pulling things out of her mouth. And trying to keep the house sorted on top of that, get meals prepared and keeping it all clean (it should be easy as there really isn't much of it) becomes all too much sometimes. My mum lives next door and I don't want her or anybody to see me not on top of everything. I have to try so hard to have the house really clean, the girls well behaved or I fear I am proving everyone right who thinks I am too young. When I first found out I was pregnant every body told me how stupid I was and that it was going to be really difficult.

When i lived in gisborne I felt EXACTLY the same - but instead of my mum, I had my MIL. you know what it is? it's not US (the mums) but the ages of the kids (all their fault) - at the ages your kids are - they ARE hard work. BUT, it gets easier. My kids are now much older and neat to hang out with, and I don't feel like I'm constantly disciplining them, but we are actually having fun (being a mummy now, not just a mother)

so hang in there

Daizy wrote: Aww thanks. Im 22 (almost 23) I try to look together and sorted but sometimes it gets to be hard work trying to keep it up.

 

Wow, please don't take this the wrong way but you don't come across as being that young (especially remembering what I was like at 23).  As Susie said, at the meetup you seemed to be so together and in control and you certainly come across as being mature and a great mum to your girls.

As others have said I think most of us do have insecurities when in comes to parenting.  It's probably because it's such a special and important part of our lives and we want to be the best we can be.  My insecurity is because I'm a working mum people might think I'm not as good as a sahm and that I don't love my daughter as much as those that stay at home love their children.

Is there any chance someone could take the girls for one evening a week, even just an hour, so you can get out and do something for yourself.  Maybe check in with the community college and see if they have any photography course or something because you're obviously really talented with your camera and enjoy doing photography and it might be something to do once your baby making days are a distant memory.

caitlynsmygirl wrote: Ha Jo! I don't know that ive ever met (ok , well online ) anyone who enjoys their childs company more than you do, you show how well the balancing act between working and being a mum can work .

 

Aw thanks Kelly.  Wasn't trying to TJ for sympathy or compliments or anything, just highlighting that most of us do have insecurities which may seem unfounded to some but that makes them no less real.

I think you're doing a great job as a mum Christy.

Thank you guys for all your support.

I have just found out Keira's kindy has started back so that gives me at least one hour a day to look forward to.

I think I really do need to find something to do for myself. DH has offered to look after the girls in the evenings. It is still a bit tricky going out anywhere at night as Maddi is still BF and has to have her evening suck.

I think one of the problems I hadn't really though of being so young is that my parents are still young too. My parents are working full time and still have my younger brother and sisters to look after so its really hard getting any help there.

My goals are this year to get my license so I can actually get out to more group things. When I had Keira I had another really good friend with a boy a couple of months older. Now that her boy is older she's back at work so we don't see each other too much. Haven't really met any other mums my age with young ones still.

I do love the idea of chocolate!!

Daizy I agree 100% with what everyone has said. To me, you definitely don't seem like a "young mum" and it sucks that there's a bad perception of so called "young mums".

I guess I'm a young mum too.... I'm a year older than you (23, nearly 24) and I had a plunket visit a few weeks ago that wasn't that great. For the first time, I felt that someone thought I was stupid and didn't know common sense stuff cos I'm young and I look young. It's wrong.

It is not easy being mummy to a 3 year old and a baby. Of course I don't know cos I'm not up to that yet, but seeing friends and reading other people's experiences....... I can tell you that every single mother finds things hard and is struggling at some point. Especially with 2 kiddies!! You're doing an amazing job.

And yay for kindy going back!!! That will be a weight off your shoulders!

emz wrote: Snap Kandice, I'm 23 in March too I live in hope that he'll be better once we have 2 as he'll see how hard it is. Maybe denial is a better word for hope.

My DH was great helping out after Maddi arrived..........for about 2 weeks.