Sperm Donor Question

Hi Ladies. I know there are not many of you that use donor sperm but for those who do here's my question.
Did you choose a donor that had reported pregnancies? For my first two IUI's I used one that did. For IUI #3 I found a donor who more closely matched my ethnicity, but he has no reported pregnancies. So did any of you go from one to the other and have a BFP or did you just pick one with pregnancies to start with? I am buying for round 4, and would like some advice.

Edited by Nattu225989 - 21 September 2017 at 5:14pm

Hello, you should see and talk personally with at least 3-5 candidates. To study their psychotype, the history of their life, their complexion, their educational status, to clarify the true reasons that motivate them to go to this type of earnings and other aspects of life that will help you to build a dialogue and, possibly, relationships throughout pregnancy. It is not necessary that the surrogate mother should be married. I believe that the husband is an additional problem. The absence of a husband does not mean that a woman is not self-sufficient and will want to keep her child. As a rule, this is for women who want to improve their financial situation (most often housing conditions or for the treatment of children). They already have their children, who need to be fed and dressed, so, as a rule, they do not need another's child. In my communication with the candidates I usually asked about the following: the age (usually up to 35 years, younger is better)
The number and age of children in a woman.
Marital status - If married, does the husband agree to the wife's participation in the surrogate motherhood program.
Blood group, Rh factor (should be positive, but not necessary). A woman with a negative Rh factor is suitable for those couples who have a negative Rhesus in both.
Regularity and duration of the menstrual cycle.
At what time the woman gave birth, what were the problems during pregnancy and childbirth.
The amount of the remuneration, the monthly allowance for food, the fare payment, the place of residence is stipulated. The most unpleasant and disturbing is the subsequent blackmail from the surrogate mother. Perhaps you do not know how to deal with people, you are unlucky, and you have chosen not the best candidate for a surrogate mother. It can be unnecessarily greedy, deceitful, or, worse still, have dangerous connections (ex-convicted partner, brother or husband).

If your surrogate mother is married, then you need to be ready for the fact that she must fulfill her conjugal duty. This may be an indirect cause of abortion.

If the surrogate mother has no one to leave her children with, then this will also be a hindrance in the program, because you will have to go to meet her.

It is necessary to immediately discuss the method of childbirth: cesarean or usual birth. It depends on you, but there is an opinion that the maternity instinct is later awakened through the cesarean section of mothers. Given this, you can immediately set up a surrogate mother for a cesarean section. So it's psychologically easier for her and for you.

All these aspects should, without hesitation, clarify with your pretender. The chosen mother should be inspected and may have to take the time to look at her real living conditions, or instruct the company.It is better to have in reserve as a minimum of two, for unforeseen cases. Having chosen this or that candidate, you must immediately determine your own behavior strategy. No friendship. Only business relations.
It is better to spend money and do her examination in the centers, where they conduct research on infection and others, and do not trust the information of local clinics. Probably, provincial laboratories work on obsolete technologies and equipment. Nevertheless, the selected candidate must have documentary evidence of the healthy state of the body, which you will probably have to double-check. If the results of ultrasound have no comments from the doctor, we proceed to the next stage of the surrogate mother's examination - a survey of hidden infections transmitted sexually. Usually a swab is given, but it's better to hedge and donate blood. If you did not find anything, then you can congratulate. If the results of the tests are not comforting, then you need to decide for yourself: either you are engaged in the treatment of a candidate, or resume the search for a new mother and, accordingly, re-pass all the stages of research.

I had a not very pleasant experience in living together with a surrogate mother (during the protocol). Just want to advise not to live together. If there is an opportunity for a surrogate mother to go home, then it's just fine. If not, consider renting a home for her at the time of the procedure. It will save your nerves and, most importantly, the relationship with this woman. I will not talk about the complexities of living together absolutely different adults with a round-the-clock need for communication. Therefore, I can advise you not to live with a surrogate mother.

Stimulation is carried out - superovulation in you and simultaneous preparation of a surrogate mother (her endometrium) for the transfer of fertilized your embryos. The surrogate mother begins long before the beginning of your protocol to adjust or synchronize under your cycle. You completely pass all the stages of the standard IVF, including puncture of the follicles. For women with preserved organs, the IVF treatment protocol is routine. Only after oocyte puncture, she is not assigned support (or replace it with an easy one, for the balance of hormones). For women with an amputated uterus, difficulty arises only at the very first stage, when it is necessary to determine the date of the onset of stimulation of superovulation.

There may be some fears about the ovulation of the surrogate mother. Do not worry, the doctors control the situation not only medically, but also examine the ovaries of the surrogate mother on ultrasound.

An important indicator of the readiness of the surrogate mother is the normal thickness and structure of the endometrium. If there was no problem with fertilization, the embryos turned out normal, then the embryos are transferred to the uterine cavity of the surrogate mother. The chances of success in the surrogate motherhood program are quite high, which increases its popularity among patients who have undergone numerous unsuccessful IVF attempts.

After transferring the embryos, you need to provide the surrogate mother with the necessary medications in sufficient quantities (as prescribed by the doctor) and prescribe a clear time schedule for taking the medication, the way they are taken, and the dosages. If your result is negative, then you pay with the surrogate mother according to the arrangements for this case. And after consulting with the doctor you are determined with plans for the next protocol, the coordination of the candidature of the surrogate mother. Quite often after an unsuccessful transfer of embryos, doctors advise you to change your candidacy. Then, alas, everything repeats, beginning with the selection of a new surrogate mother.

If you received a positive result, then after celebrating a small victory, you will have to work hard during the long 9 months of waiting for the appearance of your baby.
Perhaps after reading all of the above, you will get scared. Nevertheless, the chances of pregnancy with the procedure of IVF with the embryo placement of surrogate mother are much higher than with conventional IVF. Because the injection is almost healthy woman. The acquired happiness of motherhood more than compensates for all the costs (both material and moral) incurred at the initial stage of the parental path. I can tell. that we applied to the clinic of the surrogate motherhood in Ukraine in BioTexCom. We did not look for a surrogate mother on our own. We were offered a base of mothers. These women have already passed all necessary medical examinations and interview with a psychologist. We did not have to change our mother. Thanks to the professional work of doctors, everything went as planned. But did not move away from the schedule, all the procedures were on schedule. It seems to me that it is better to choose a clinic for surrogate motherhood for a long time, but then entrust all these to the clinics. Than independently to search for a surrogate mother, to drive her to tests, to monitor her health. In my opinion this is very troublesome and you will not be able to save it anyway. Therefore, we fully trusted the clinic.

Yes, you are completely right, in Ukraine the legislation protects genetic parents, and the surrogate mother does not have any rights to the child. Yes, we were helped by the lawyers of the clinic. Of course, what should be specified in the contract? The more detailed you describe the mutual obligations, the better. Do not forget that you are entering into a LONG-TERM relationship. And what has been said is verbally forgotten and gives rise to mutual insults. So you need to determine the price or the cost of the service in case of a successful outcome of the program.
Then you determine the place of residence of the surrogate mother for the time of examination and protocol, pregnancy and childbirth. It is also necessary to agree on the order of payment and settlement.
Be sure to discuss how the parties to the treaty will comply with the regime. It is necessary to determine the place and order of childbirth. And also it will be necessary for you at once to be defined - it will be natural childbirth or cesarean section. Also discuss the payment for mobile communication, because you can live in different countries.
Discuss the allocation of per diem (meal + transport) for the time of her stay at the survey and on the protocol, if she does not live with you. And also include such a moment as the payment for the journey home and back. But these are not all the main points of the treaty, only the most important and fundamental. But in any case, lawyers will advise you.
Of course, it's best to turn to professionals instead of dealing with this matter on your own. I can tell you a little about the legal side of the matter. According to the laws of Ukraine, only gestational surrogate motherhood is legal. This is the case when surrogacy has no genetic connection with the child, who is pregnant. In this case, his parents are officially considered his genetic mother and father, even if the genetics binds the child to only one of them. A surrogate mother does not have parental rights and is legally obligated to give the child. If she refuses, this entails administrative and criminal liability. And also deprives her of the right to pay compensation. And obliges her to pay a penalty for unilateral termination of the contract.

Nevertheless, there is no single law protecting the rights of the parties in the matter of surrogate motherhood. And the contract must be drawn up by a professional lawyer.
It should be remembered that early termination of the contract is possible only before the onset of pregnancy. By mutual consent, for example, if after several unsuccessful attempts the biological parents refuse further cooperation. The surrogate mother has every right to change the decision solely before embryo transfer.

In case the surrogate mother violates the contract, not following the prescriptions of doctors or providing knowingly false information about herself, she is obliged to reimburse all expenses of genetic parents.

Hi, it seems to me that it is better to contact a specialist with such questions. You should find a good clinic that has a large donor base and contact them. Often, if the clinic has been operating for a long time, they have a large base, they will be able to pick you a donor of your ethnicity. Do not worry so much about this, a good clinic will help you. But it seems to me that the main thing is that the donor be healthy. If he already has his own children, this will be a huge advantage. But in any case, you should not look for a donor yourself.