stress after baby?

Hi everyone!

Maria is now 1month old and since she was 1 week ive had DH's girl cousin stay with us while her family went on holiday-since then we've also had DH's family come over pretty much several times a week and drinking in the garage till the early mornings sometimes.and when i wake DH has gone to work and his family is still here!....our culture means i cant BF infront of DH and his girl cousin in the same room. its put alot of strain on our marriage basically because im upset all the time and lashing out at DH. his newlywed cousin has also arrived from tonga and DH's sister is stopping off on her way to Hawaii all with expectations to give "things".  im on the verge of giving up and going to mums.

my question is is it fair that im being such a bitch right now? i dont know why im so upset and angry all the time-im trying to cope with a newborn and my 20month old and i have this to deal with? or am i just being mean and unreasonable?

 

 

MrsHouse - I dont think you are being unreasonable at all! You have just had a baby, plus you have a toddler to care for as well. I would not put up with that even if I had no kids!

Does DH know how you honestly feel about the situation? Can they not go hang out at someone elses place? And if they are going to be there all the time are they helping and supporting you at the moment?

If the stress of the situation is getting too much for you I would definitely go to your Mums. I now go to my Mum & Dads whenever DH is away, as I was trying to be strong and cope on my own but realised it was much better to go where I have support and help, and it feels so much better to know that I will be going there each time he is away.

Sending you lots of Hugs and support, and I hope it all gets resolved soon.

thanks guys- now all your support makes me want to cry cus ive been the one apologising to DH and Dh asking me what my problem is and making me feel like i am being mean and unreasonable to his family-i do try to explain how i feel but hes on the bandwagon that says "its my family and you shouldnt have a problem with them".   thanks i really needed to hear that

Sita that must be so tough. No way are you being mean and unreasonable.

I think, like you're already doing, you need to keep talking to DH about how it's affecting you, your girls, and your marriage... honestly keep going on about it, cos it's important, and he obviously doesn't understand. There is no way that my DH would have had anyone stay at our house when Harry was born. I know it's a cultural thing but there's some times with your DH needs to be a man and stand up and protect his wife and immediate family eh? How would he react if you told him that you just need him to look after you all, and that means keeping visitors away and finding somewhere else for the cousins to stay?

Maybe you need to go and stay at your mums for a while -- not cos you've had a fight or whatever, but just cos you actually need some space to be a mum without having to worry about people around at your house all the time. And you need to be able to breastfeed Maria in comfort, not having to go out of the room every time you need to feed her. Cos the reality is, if you can't breastfeed comfortably and can't be in the lounge watching tv etc, it will probably influence how long you end up breastfeeding for eh? You've done really really good getting up to a month, and I think DH needs to remember that it's not easy and that you need space to be able to keep up with it IYKWIM. It must be really frustrating cos it sounds like he really doesn't understand why you're upset about never having any privacy.

You can always come round here some days for a break from the family, but I know it's not the same when it's not your own home. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help?

Sita, big hugs to you. I'm with everyone else. You're not being unreasonable at all and I think you're doing so well with both a month old bubba and a toddler.
Definately keep talking to DH, as you need to keep the lines of communication open, but I also think go to your mums for time out as well. I think his family needs to respect you and your house and give you some time as a family.
I hope things get sorted very soon for you.

Oh Sita........

OK so may be I am hormonal as well and I might sound like a total Biatch ...please forgive me if I do.

I cant belive that you cant BF infront of your DH....Why the hell not?? I mean I respect that its a culture thing but what is the reason behind it? its not like he hasnt seen them before....and not to be mean but come on...we are not in our original countries any more and we do adopt some of the NZ Culture and BF here in public is acceptable (not that I feel comfy to do it in public...but you get my point..) If I was back in my country ..yes I couldnt BF infront of others but here my boob is always hanging out infront of DH and I even BF infront of my MIL and BIL when they came over tonight (covered up but still). I know how hard its been for you re the BF and you dont need the extra stress as to run out of the room every time you need to feed Maria.

As for Family...holly molly...I would have left the house long time ago....DH knows it too...so he hardly has mates over at the mo (we use to have lots of BBQ and parties before). Its all about understanding. My Grandma who cant speak english and is bored at my parents house wants to come over to my place and I politely told her NO because I have my hands full at the moment with J and her gas problem etc....and she understands. My DH family knows better to stay away unless invited too....I politely tell them that I am busy.

Your DH needs to stop having the "My Family Your Family" mind set. This can cause major probs for your marriage. I know you had other issues re family. You seriously need to talk to him and tell him to get out of stone ages and start helping you and supporting you...not only now but forever,

I think you need to relax now more than ever....Stress can dry up your Milk and you dont want that. So may be going to your parents is a good idea and from there talk to him, resolve your issues and then come back home.....dont sweep it under the carpet hun...you need to let him know how you feel and he seriously needs to listen.

I again appologise if I came out insensitive ...but I dont think that you are unreasonable.

I do have "bite me" moments with my DH at home every so often because its blurdy stressful having a baby and a toddler and this HEAT!!

Hugs to you...try not to stress!!

Glad to hear that you are getting a bit of a break today. Sounds like your DH might be starting to understand which is great!

hun I am so glad that you had a chat to DH and that your getting a day at home today! ohmi! I cant believe you have put up with all that! I would have gone insane! you so deserve a medal!

Hope things get better for you oxox big hugs