Feeding Dilemmas.... again....

Apologies in advance to those sick of my emotive rants about all our breastfeeding issues! I have been trying to keep them off the boards so I don't sound like a broken record, but honestly the problems are just all consuming at the moment....

I am still having problems convincing Jackson to stay on the breast for a full feed. We had an amazing week of feeding between Christmas and New Years, where he was taking both sides and working for multiple letdowns. I let myself believe that it was a turning point - he was just feeding so beautifully and I was so relaxed and happy.

For some reason, he reverted back to 'normal' Jackson behaviour. He will suck through the fast flow on one breast and then stop. No amount of trying will convince him that there is still milk to be had. He will bite me or just hold the nipple in his mouth and make tunes with his voice on it (apparently my boob is a good instrument). SOMETIMES he will take the other side and do the same thing, but more often than not he will either refuse it, or latch but reject the boob if the letdown does not happen immediately. He simply won't work for his meal.

His weight gain has, as usually, been pretty poor. He's getting near to crossing under the 3rd percentile.

Feeding is making me desperately unhappy. I feel like a complete failure and that I am letting him down. But I feel frustrated with him as well and I don't think that's a good way to feel. It's affecting the play time we have, and I am not feeling terribly bonded with him when he is feeding. I am finding the stress quite consuming.

I have the Lactation Consultant coming to visit me again today... hopefully she will shed some light. I am very close to going onto bottle feeding.

BUT - I am terrified of making that choice. Firstly, I feel like I am choosing my happiness over the wellbeing of Jackson, and that I will be depriving him of the goodness of the breast milk. I am also scared that he will be just as bad with the bottle and therefore we will not have any improvement at all. And then he will be just as bad, but not getting any of the breastmilk benefits either. I am worried he won't take the bottle, and I am worried that he won't thrive. It's a complete dilemma.

I have thought about expressing and bottle feeding, but my milk supply is already very much suffering from his reluctance to feed, and I am having real problems getting anything out on the pump. I used to be pretty good at it. So I don' think that this is going to be an option.

I am also concerned about the logistics of bottle feeding, particularly as Jackson still has a wee feed in the middle of the night. At the moment it's a nice quick, quiet feed and straight back to bed (less than ten minutes). I don't think that can be replicated with bottle feeding. Plus, on the odd occassion Jackson has taken a bottle, he'll only take the milk really warm. Not sure how to manage that when we are out and about.

Aurghhh, I am so confused and unhappy and lost. I just feel terrible about the situation, terrible about how I am preforming as a mum and I just don't know what to do.

I am SO sorry for the rant, it helps to just get it off my chest.

OK just a few thoughts from me.

While I am not anti-breastfeeding in the slightest, for me bottle feeding made everything so much easier. Happy mum made for a happy baby and vice versa!

I breast fed till 4 months. Between 2.5 to 4 months I was cutting back the breast feeds. It might be worthwhile to give him one bottle of formula a day to see how he takes to it? I was very comfortable at 4 months that I had given her a good start with breast milk - but I still found it hard to switch over. I was trying to wean slowly so that we could both get used to the idea slowly, but one day the boobs just dried up. It actually made it easier as I didn't have the anguish that you are going through.

With regards to the "logistics" it is a lot easier than you imagine. I remember feeling the same way as you before changing over completely. I also liked the safety net of having a boob you can just whip out.

In the middle of the night I make up a bottle before I go to bed, put it in the fridge. When she cried I would stick it in the microwave, and I could be in her room in under a minute. The real bonus was that she was a slow boob feeder, and at 4 months I would still be up for 45 minutes per feed. With the bottle it was cut right down to 10-15 minutes.

When I go out I take a couple of bottles of water heated up in a thermo bag. Then I just need to pour the formula in. Although with it being so hot she is not as concerned about it being warm.

No one but you can make the decision for you, and what ever you choose to do will be right. Good luck.

Hunny I so feel your pain only I didn't last as long as you have so good on you for getting this far

I hated BF the girls towards the end I couldn't stand the sight of them and was feeling so useless and like I wasn't getting anywhere.

If you don't put yourself first then how is he going to get your very best mothering? Once I changed to bottle feeding I felt guilty for about 5min then never looked back. Suddenly I was enjoying my babies and guess what they are thriving on formula their growth and development has been fantastic and by 9 weeks they were sleeping through the night We push breastfeeding so much in this country and yes it's the best food for bubs but if it's not working don't beat yourself up because if your not happy then he's not going to be happy.

kiwilaurie wrote -
I am also concerned about the logistics of bottle feeding, particularly as Jackson still has a wee feed in the middle of the night. At the moment it's a nice quick, quiet feed and straight back to bed (less than ten minutes). I don't think that can be replicated with bottle feeding. Plus, on the odd occassion Jackson has taken a bottle, he'll only take the milk really warm. Not sure how to manage that when we are out and about.

Our girls like it really warm too you can get heat bags that keep the bottle hot while your out and you can always get them to heat it at restaurants and places with microwaves. Its amazing how little that matters. We have 2 babies and still manage to get out for day trips you make it work.
Also you'll probably find after a couple of weeks once you have your routine fully down pat with formula he won't need that middle of the night quick feed because he would have had enough during the day.

It sounds like you NEED to do this and I know how you feel I wished someone had said to be it's ok to bottle feed. It doesn't make you a bad Mum in fact if your struggling with breast feeding it will probably make you a better Mum to change. 3 months is an awesome effort. Do whats right for you and don't worry about anything else.

xxxxx

I was going to say what concernedmum has said... when babies bite you or sing through your boob it's most likely a sign that they have had enough. It's possible he's just gotten more efficient, and maybe over the break he had a little growth spurt (which doesn't always relate to weight gain, btw) so fed more then.

I hope the LC can help today, but otherwise, if you need to, bottle feeding is not a mortal sin! You've gotten him through the most important time in terms of giving him that immunity etc.

kiwilaurie wrote: I feel like I am choosing my happiness over the wellbeing of Jackson

IMHO these are often one and the same, it's not a choice really!

ETA and don't apologise for asking, it's what we're all here for!

Edited by weegee

Yay, I was just coming to ask you how it all went with the LC.

Have you tried that milkflow or what ever it's called from natropharm? Apparently that's quite good for supply and if that works you won't need the drugs :)

Also, just throwing ideas around here, can you feed lying down? If he was calmer looking into your eyes on the bottle then maybe the lying down position would be good. I used to have problems feeding Jody at night, she would keep coming off and getting grumpy about it but now I feed lying down at night and she just stares at me while happily sucking away.

I tried and tried to BF for 3 months through constant battles and one night DH was going to give Daniel a bottle of EBM and he dropped it and spilt it and I got all upset and sent him out for formula because there was no EBM left and I was shocked at how well he took it. It was great. For a while I BF mostly with a supplemented bottle feed that I got DH to do.

Eventually I gave up BF because I got tired of never ending battles and saw that I had no probs with the bottle feed and I realised that my milk was causing my boys reflux and as soon as I stopped feeding that went away but anyway..

I thought I'd feel guilty as hell for not BF becuase I tried and gave up but I didn't. We were both happy for it and like you found. Bottle feeding has the upside of being able to look each other in the eye which is really nice. It's a lovely cuddle time.

I hope you find something that makes you both happy

Thanks again guys. It's good to hear that I am not alone and other people have faced this decision.

How did your babies cope switching to the bottle? My big worry is that Jackson still won't eat much on the bottle, and then I would have stopped breastfeeding for nothing.

The supplementing with a tube is a disaster, I have enough problems holding Jackson and keeping his hands out of his face while feeding, without trying to hold a bottle and a tube at the same time! (Honestly, his hands are out of control!!!).

So, going to continue trying to express some more. Still unsure about the Domperidone....

But, if I don't see an improvement quickly, then I am going to admit defeat and we are going to start a new journey together.

Laurie, you have done fantastically well to get so far with all the challenges. I agree with happy baby = happy mum. Remember, adding in a FF isn't an all or nothing exercise - you can start with one a day to get Jackson used to it, while continuing to BF. That way if there are issues switching, it's not the huge problem it could be. Domperidone can be effective. I guess the question I would have is is doing all these things to continue BF (and solely BF) making you more stressed and Jackson more stressed? If so, that's when I would look at adding a bottle in.

I had to add a FF in at night when Daniel was 3 months, and for many weeks I got really upset that I couldn't do the thing that nature had intended me to do, but once I saw how his weight improved and his sleeping improved, I haven't looked back. It's also been great for DH to do the last feed before bed and the dreamfeed. He loves it. It's also meant that if Daniel is really struggling on the boob - if his reflux is playing up - I don't stress - just take him off and give him the bottle earlier - I really feel like the pressure has been taken off. That's just my experience, but I'm happy with how it's gone.

I just wanted to pop back in and say, possibly the reason feeding went so well between Christmas and New Year was because you were more relaxed with DH around etc, resulting in faster letdown etc...? In which case some more relaxation type exercises/deep breathing/visualisation etc might help...?

**HUGE HUGS!**

Your story sounds SO familiar. I had exactly the same thing with Ava and i did EVERYTHING i could but nothing worked. I felt the same way, and her play was suffering and our bonding was suffering. She wasnt gaining weight (also in the 3rd percentile line). It was a disaster. I was an emotional wreck.

You have breastfed for 3 months - that is fantastic and Jackson would have all of the benefits from that.

I went through weeks of guilt after putting Ava on the bottle, but it was the best thing for both of us. Just do it gradually (i increased it by 1 feeding per day every 3 days) so his system gets used to it.

YOU HAVE DONE A FANTASTIC JOB!!!

I eventually went to the bottle with Ava