The Plan (Warning: Long!)

Well, I have had another disastrous breast feeding day. Time and time again Jackson has refused the breast after a super-short feed and then cried half an hour later as he is still hungry. Because of this, he has barely slept either.

I just don't know what I am doing wrong and I am feeling so down and depressed. Jackson's latch is good and he feeds so well at the beginning but then spits the breast out. I have a good milk supply (though I fear it is getting less by the day) and a good flow. I have had a Lactation Consultant visit twice, have been to the Karitane-Plunket Family Centre several times and seen a paediatrician. I have spent hours on the internet and reading books trying to find ways to make things better. God knows I have annoyed the hell out of people here with my constant worrying and questions! I have tried multiple suggestions (though no-one can see anything obviously wrong) but things seem to be getting worse, not better.

I have been trying so very hard not to get upset and cry over this, but at the moment I am losing that battle. I just feel completely gutted.

For the last couple of weeks I have been "force feeding" Jackson. I just keep latching him on the breast over and over again. On the positive side, his weight gain has improved... that is fantastic, and I am pleased about that. But on the negative side, he gets so mad at me, I hate to say it but I feel mad with him at times and we are sacrificing all other quality time (like play and cuddles) because feeding him can take the entire awake time that he has.

I love breast feeding him, and feel so bonded to him when it goes well (ie at the beginning of the feed) but then it all turns to custard and it's not so amazing anymore.

So... I have a plan. I am going to continue the little "force feeding" routine that we have until Monday. He is being weighed on Monday, so then I will have some history of how that has worked. Then, for the whole week following, I am going to go back to letting him fully control the feeds. I will let him stop when he wants to stop (though I fully expect sleep and routine to go out the window, as he generally comes back hungry within the hour). Then we will have him weighed again so we can have a direct comparison between the two approaches.

I expect him to reduce his weight gain again, back to levels it used to be. If that does indeed happen, then I will look at other options. I expect that to be a formula top up regime of some description - either top ups at every feed, or a couple of full formula feeds per day. Obviously I will need advice on this when the time comes.

Realistically, I feel that this spells the beginning of the end. I don't think that breast/formula feeding is sustainable long term (correct me if I am wrong!!) as I think he will eventually prefer the bottle to me. Please don't think that I have anything against people who formula feed, because I don't, but I still feel completely devastated. Breast feeding was the one thing I truly believed I could do well for Jackson and it was the one thing I really, really wanted to be successful at. So, to be honest, I am feeling quite heartbroken. Although I know it is hardly the end of the world, I feel like I am letting him down.

So.... crossed fingers, prayers, fairy dust, whatever that, by some miracle, Jackson starts to thrive on his own terms and we can continue as planned.

Sorry for the rant... I find it a bit therapeutic to write things down and I could do with a few kind words at the moment.

PS... I still blame the bloody teeth!! Everything was going so well until they came along!

No-one can say you haven't given breastfeeding everything!! I'm impressed with your perserverance considering all the issues you have had. Some people do successfully mixed feed (breast and bottle) so don't write it off yet!
It will be interesting to see what Jackson does when you let him dictate the pace - he may yet surprise you.
Does having this plan help? I know I like to have plans in place and it helps me relax a bit.

Good luck and keep us informed!
Debs

 thats about it really.

You are a super wonderful mum, just don't forget it. We are currently mixing bottle and breast ok, so you never know that might work out ok. I find it a little frustrating what a happier baby he is after a bottle but I am starting to think that happiness and calm is what really matters.

 

Aw don't beat yourself up you have given it more than a fair chance, and also maybe next week when things are a bit more relaxed and he can set the pace he might surprise you and start feeding better (fingers crossed for you that he does). I was also going to suggest EBM instead of formula if you want to top him up, expressing would also help you keep your supply up if you are worried about it dropping off. But if you do go the formula route it isn't so bad, most important thing is that he is loved and fed (by whichever means necessary).

I also know what it is like to wean earlier than you had hoped and expected to, it is totally normal to be upset about it and we are all hear to listen to you and give you cyber hugs whenever you need them.

i know you feel really frustrated by all this, and it's understandable

my sister went thru with with her eldest, when he was 6 weeks she gave up force feeding and changed to doing formula every second feed, so she still got the bonding and benefits for him of breastfeeding and she got the benefits of him being full, her doctor told her it was because he was growing quickly so his growth wasn't being sustained by her mlk - and the bonus is she kept breastfeeding even when he started on solids and only stopped when he was 13 months.

She had no problems with her other 2 boys so she has no idea why he was unhappy with just breast milk, sometimes babies can be fusspots

hang in there you are doing a superb job under very trying circumstances

Oh, and we've decided to stop the force feeding game immediately. Because Jackson gets so upset, we figure that we have to stop that now.

The last thing I want is for him to associate breastfeeding with being angry and upset as I think that will be just as damaging.

Plus, it seems a huge amount of effort for just a few more mls of feed.

DH thinks we should go to one formula feed before bed as of next week. His theory is if I know he is getting one nutrient-rich meal a day, at least, then I don't need to worry so much during the day and just let him feed as much as he wants to during the day.

I am pretty sure that's the way we will go (as in, one full feed a day as opposed to multiple bottle top ups), but would appreciate thoughts as to whether we should start now, or give it another week after Monday.

We had a nice (albeit short) feed this morning, with smiles and cuddles (and vomit on my chest, but hey!) and it just felt so much better. But I worry he hasn't eaten enough of course.

aww the poor wee chap! I hope this improve from now on!

 It sound to me like you've tried absolutely everything.  I'm sorry it's still not working for you.

Re: Expressing have you tried expressing off one boob while Jackson feeds off the other.  When he stimulates let down it shoudl work on both sides which means the hardest part of expressing is done for you.

Re: bottle/breast mixed I managed to breast feed and bottle feed for 10 mths so if you do decide to start using the bottle please don't think of it as the beginning of the end.

Good luck.

Hi kiwilaurie - wow you have done such an amazing job! so many would have given up long ago!

It may help to know that many do find success with a combo of formula and breast. When I went back to work Gabrielle took formula feeds during work hours and breast at other times with no probs. Not the same for every baby but you never know.

Also - every baby is different with regards to their appetite so don't worry about Jackson having a wee bit less.

My best piece of advice for you is to stick to your plan with just breastfeeding him for the rest of the week. Try not to stress too much if he doesn't feed well as this will affect your milk supply - just go with the flow.

I would try and stick to a three hour routine. Feed, play - sleep then feed after three hours. I used to have to distract Gabrielle as she was a snacker wanting to come back for more an hour later but I stretched the spaces between feeds out 15 mins at a time doing things like walking around the house or getting the mail. It let her build up a better appetite. Also I started using a dummy at about 6 weeks - sometimes they just want to suck.

Also sorry if you have heard this all before!! I just saw this post and thought would share my two cents. Wishing you all the very best!!

ETA - I also think the idea of a formula feed before bed is a good one to try out! Or EBM - warm flannels or a hot shower before expressing helps and it's important to be relaxed :) Good luck!

Edited by alyxw

Hey hun

You really have done so blimin well you really are a

Dont pay to much attention to the tin of formula Jayden never drinks the amount on the tin (180ml) he will drink between 80-150ml per feed and usually around 100ml so always well less than the amount on the tin.

I believe that bubs will drink what he needs to drink really

I know youve been to a pediatrician but do they not think its reflux? sorry if youve said this before? but Jayden has reflux and when its playing up he doesnt want to drink much and I have to force feed him until his meds are working again!

I also expressed and its blimin hard work! I eventually dried up but hey I figure you can only do what you can do and you really have given it your best hun! at the end of the day you both need to be happy and enjoy each other however way you do that is totally your decision