Mum helping..when?

I haven't had any experience with this but am facing the same question myself. I think that I won't want people staying for at least 3 weeks as then I get to get comfy with baby myself, if you get what I mean. I am lucky though in that DH is taking a month off work.

From personal experience my advice would be to have her there maybe a week after you come home with baby. It will give you and your DH time with baby getting to know each other, and then when he goes back to work you get to be with your mum

It got a bit crowded at our place in more ways that one after Joshua was born - mum came the day I got home from the hospital, and because it had been a c-section my DP was unable to stay with us at the hospital, and was asked to leave by 8pm every night. So we'd not had that real bonding time together and I think it would have been better that we had. We ended up with DP and mum butting heads a bit, both wanting to do everything for me and Joshua, and neither wanting to back down



Edited by joshierocks

My mum is here everyday anyway, and i'd be completely lost without her. But my mum is great in the sense that she knows when to back off and let me do my own thing.

We had planned for Mum to come over after I got out of hospital with Maya to help out for a week or so, but when it came down to it, she couldn't wait lol, I rang her on Fri morning to say that Maya had arrived and she flew over on the midnight flight that same night!
It was good having her there when I got home, she did stuff like went out to the Baby Factory to pick up essentials that we hadn't thought about, cooked meals, did washing etc. But she was really good in that she didn't do anything for Maya, she let Maya and I figure that part out on our own. I don't think I would have coped if she'd been in my face all the time.

They were in Portugal when I had the gremlins (long story and I will never get over it!) so I brought them home on my own, Mum and Dad both came for a weekend when they were about 5 weeks old and it was horrific, the rest of the family all wanted to catch up with them so I had visitors in and out all over the place, plus by that stage the reflux had well and truly kicked in and the gremlins were awful. It didn't feel much like help, in fact I was glad when they left.

This time, Mum will probably come after baby is born, I'm having Kels come up from Wellington to stay so it would make sense for mum to wait until she goes home so I don't have a real houseful!

My daughter coincided her birth with Easter, born the weekend before (what a good girl) so DH managed to take just over 2 weeks leave from work, then once he went back to work my mum took 1 week off. That meant I got 3 weeks of support which was brilliant.

My DH took the first week and a half off and then my mum came every weekday for 3 weeks.

It was great because she basically ran the house - washing, vacuuming, dishes, dinner while I focussed on Rowan.

I think by 5 weeks you'll be pretty much in the swing of things but I'm sure you'll still welcome the help. The only thing is you may find you get conflicting advice so just be careful not to stop doing what is working for you both because of well meaning suggestions.

Edited by Bobbie

my Mum came over every Wednesday..worked great:)

I'd say when your DH goes back to work. I was worried I would find it too much having Mum there to help but it was AMAZING! Just having someone else with me in those early weeks was such a HUGE support.   She helped with meals and washing and it gave me confidence having someone to ask about baby things when I had no idea. I ended up having someone with me for the first six weeks as my sister came after Mum and I really liked that. Everyone is different though.

My Dh took 2 weeks off work and then when he went back, mum came over every day for the next 3 months!! haha I wouldn't have coped without her and am glad/lucky not to have had any time alone with the baby during those difficult early weeks. That's just how I felt anyway.

LOL
What about if she came just before the school holidays started, that way only half of her (return) fare will be on the slightly pricey side. I'd be inclined to go with the "when DH returns to work" idea.

School holidays aside, I would presume for argument's sake that you will have the baby at 41 weeks and she would then come at what would have been 42 weeks gestation. So baby would be 1 week old. If baby is born at 42 weeks (basically the latest possible), she'll be there at the same time as DH but presumably it won't work out exactly the same. If however baby was born at 38 weeks, baby would be 4 weeks old by the time she got there, so you would have had 3 weeks "on your own" (during the day), which isn't hugely long and most babies are still safely tucked inside until after 38 weeks.

Most of it will depend on how well you get on with your family. I'm rather independent and would not have liked someone staying in my home until baby was two weeks old. However, my DH couldn't take any time off work and his parents lived fairly close, so his mum came around about every second day to help out with the housework (washing, dishes, dinner prep), which was particularly helpful as I had had a c/s. And because my parents did the same thing that Emma's (Maya's) did - only, to the South Island - on the day before I was due (the day after H was born)!!