Adjusting to two kids

First up, be kind to yourself because it's a very hard time to adjust to two and you really do get the 'guilts' from not spending as much time with the first child as you used to. It does get better and they will play together in time

Over the next couple of weeks the special things you can do with DD1 will often be when DD2 is feeding. When she is sleeping you'll be sleeping or cleaning, most likely. When she is feeding, you are stuck in one spot doing nothing and you can capitalise on that by offering to read stories to DD1, for example. Other things you can do is,
A couple of new toys: this is when my DD1 (at age 19mos) was given a shape sorter and we did that together for ages. she felt all grown up for being able to master it etc.
Nail polish. Do hers first, then she'll watch as you do yours and hopefully by then, hers will be dry lol
Balloons. Blow up a few, about 3 will most likely be plenty, and throw them to each other. You could even blow the balloons with straws.
The beauty is, you can do it all sitting down AKA resting!

Have fun and enjoy your little girls.

Thanks guys. DD1 has been acting up quite a bit today, so I think we've got a bit of work to do. I know it's mostly because she is getting frustrated that we are not as available to her as before, but it's so hard to see her become such a different kid and know that it is because of our decision to have another baby. It will be great in the long run for her to have a sister (I hope - never had one myself!) but right now I just want to make it all ok for her. Hopefully she's young enough to adapt fairly quickly, but I don't know - she's pretty stubborn! I might talk to her creche tomorrow as well and see what they think, they would deal with stuff like this all the time too.

Mazzy wrote: I know it's mostly because she is getting frustrated that we are not as available to her as before, but it's so hard to see her become such a different kid and know that it is because of our decision to have another baby.

That is EXACTLY how I feel, as Hannah has changed so much. All of a sudden she has turned into this mean little girl who can be very unpleasant and I really miss my sweet little girl. I know a lot is because she isfrustrated that Greer doesnt do anything, and she dosent understand her own strength versus a baby, and she cant really describe/understand how she is feeling, but it still makes me feel very sad...

Do you go to a playgroup or anything? We had one that was great because all the other mums had a lovely time clucking over Caprece while I got one on one time with Jack.

I will say tho he went through a stage of biting all the other kids, he was a bit of a late talker so I suppose its the same as yelling, he also used to try and stand on Capreces head. I wish I could give you a time frame but I cannot remember when things got better sorry.

Jack also went through a no sleeping time and it was really hard, the only thing I can suggest is maybe DH gets up to DD1 while you deal with 2? Thats what we did until Ben had to go back to work, even tho Jack would wake me up it was still nice not having to actually get out of bed.

it gets easier, for everyone.

i think that your daughter is just testing the boundaries, they same as they do when there are any changes in their lives... she will have to learn that there are times when you cant be available to her, but that it will also work the other way too.

i never had any success in trying to do things with the older one when feeding the baby. i was probably lucky in that he was quite good at playing by himself... you could try tho having a lunch box ready for feeding times with some snacks and invite her to come and have a snack with the baby so that it feels like she is part of that...?   

also too you may find that she will enjoy helping. maybe have some things that she can get for you, like flannels or the nappies, help pick out an outfit for baby, in a couple of weeks bath them together even.

and then of course you can start new routines of things you and your older daughter can do together.. like maybe baking something together when baby is asleep, or even watching a movie together with some popcorn so you can rest at the same time...

      

im still struggling with the same problem

its taken 4 weeks for janaya to adjust to her new brother. she and i have a story at night while im breastffeding and thats about all i can cope with at the moment,
the guilt got to me yesterday so i took janaya to the pools - what a mistake!!!! i was absolutely shattered when i got home.

the worst thing for me is janaya being a bit too eager to help out with jackson, when im breastffeding (and in pain!) shes all over me and trying to sing to her brother. any chance she gets shes readjusting his blankets or trying to shove a dummy in his mouth. ii am always growling at her and its awful
shes also waking at ridiculous hours, the othe r morning she was in our room at 5.30am playing with her brothers hads in his basinette, i almost hit the roof!!!

it does get easier ladies......just takes a while. not only do you have to adjust yourself to having a newborn in the house again, but your older child does too.
i agree with the reading idea at feeding times, or perhaps things like shape sorters or little touch leappads etc

we were lucky with jack being very accepting of charli when she came home, apart from wanting to 'help' with things

the hardest part i found was doing things for jack while charli was screaming for some reason and also trying to get myself ready to go out. i can remember one day trying to get jack to daycare, charli was screaming, i had to get myself dressed, and jack wouldn't listen to a thing i said.....my dad popped in at that moment and as soon as i opened the door i burst into tears! he took jack to daycare for me while i sorted myself out

jack and i still had special times togther.....i made sure we did things while charli was asleep and it seemed to help.

hang in there, it will get better. i found i just had to be a little more organised than i was before....which is hard for me   

Thanks everyone, it is good to read that it does get easier, and that we're not the only ones struggling with this. We're trying to keep DD1 to her routine as much as possible and I think it will help. Having DH home for this first week is great, although it has also had the effect of throwing her out of her routine a bit too - she's used to having him go off to work. So it will be interesting to see what happens when he does go back. She went to creche fine today so I think having a normal day there will be good for her. Thanks for all the suggestions too, I will make good use of them.

Big hugs Mazzy. I am also reading with interest and really appreciated the ideas from those who have been there. I am going to copy all the ideas into a document and save for when it is my turn.
Hang in there and I hope the encouragement from the others helps.

Update from me on this...

Things have gotten worse DD1 is constantly hitting her little sister. Any chance she gets, she whacks her in the face - whether I'm holding the baby, the baby is on the bouncer, or anything. She'll even say she wants to give DD2 a 'little kiss' and kiss her and pat her nicely then WHACK. She's also started hitting us and I've been talked to twice at creche about her 'rough hands' with other kids. She's also stopped sleeping, she wasn't great to begin with but now she's refusing to sleep during the day (even though she really needs it) and is a nightmare to settle at night. Wakes around 5am. So on top of the adjusting issues, she's also super tired and not catching up on all the lost sleep, so is grumpy from that as well.
We're taking the advice of plunket now, after trying a few other things, and when she hits just up and walking away, taking DD2 with us and paying attention to her, not even giving eye contact to DD1, as the theory is she's doing it for attention (positive or negative) so if she gets the opposite she'll stop hitting. Eventually. Sigh.
The other tactic is that we're trying to get her outside as much as possible, and doing other activities to tire her out during the day. It at least distracts her from how tired she is for a while.
I'm still not happy with how I'm parenting her because I'm losing it a bit when I'm tired. I'm also missing my sunny little girl, it's so great when her real personality breaks through. It's not so great when people are meeting her and you can see them thinking 'what a little sh*t' when she's screaming/squealing/beating up her mum without stopping

A couple of other gold ideas I've come across:
MagnaDoodle - these things are awesome. She loves drawing but I'm too nervous about our furniture/the walls/the flooring to let her loose with felts or pens or crayons while I'm breast feeding and not able to supervise well. The magnadoodle lets her draw but only on the pad and she loves it.

I've also resorted to DVD's. I always swore I'd never let her watch TV but it's the best thing for some down time for her in the afternoon if she hasn't slept. We have a Hairy McLarey DVD that she loves and watches right the way through with her afternoon snack. Bad mummy, but happy DD1 and happy me while doing the afternoon BF and getting dinner sorted is worth it!

How's everyone else doing?