Is this me?

Some of you will know i had a rough pregnancy. Not medically, but emotionally. Then when Kylah was born, although i felt this overwhelming love for her i still felt upset. I didnt leave the house for the first 4 weeks, and barely went out in the 7 months i had off work. I didnt/dont have any RL friends to talk too and felt/feel trapped. I cry alot, and feel like im just being stupid. I get angry at DF all the time and dont know if its a valid reason or not. I cant decifer the difference between whats emotionally just not on it our relationship, is that stupid too? I question everything i do, and find myself staying awake at night just to cy to myself in th dark. I have taken up smoking again after i quit for so long. I stress out really easy to the point i start shaking. I dont like to talk to people and found it easy to write down myfeelings, ut have been put down for that too. Now i cant find the strength to even try to explain this to DF because he doesnt understand. What can i do?

Edited by KylahsMum

Andie that made me cry, its good having someone actually stick up for you. I dont know why it made me cry, it just does.

Iv tried to make friends, iv tried to get together with other mums my age. But they either dont turn up or i only meet them once. Its so hard, will plunket let me go to one of their groups if im not in with plunket? Also the group thing is hard because i start to wonder what they think of me, if they are thinking bad things about me or if its nothing..

Hugs Kandice! You sound like you need them right now!

I agree with everything Andie has said, and I definitely think that having no IRL friends isn't about you, it's just that you'e at a different place in your life right now than your friends so you don't have as much in common. I had that when I had Maya, I was so young and all my friends were busy drinking, partying etc. after uni, when I had to go home to my baby.

Playcentre was great for us, it helped me to meet some local people with kids the same age and even tho I ended up leaving 18 months later I still keep in touch with some of them.

Andie's Mainly Music suggestion is good too, I take the gremlins and we've been really lucky, the people at ours are so friendly.

As for people judging you, pfft - more fool them! I used to spend a lot of time worrying about what other people thought of me, now I've gotten older I've realised that it's really not about me - if people don't like me for who I am.

More big hugs. Do you have a good GP? Do you think you could talk to him/her about how you are feeling?

I wholly second what KA says, your a lovely, friendly, bright woman (with THE most beautiful little girl!), and as KA said you are more than welcome to come to our meet ups.

I also agree with what Emma say, I know I have friends who have gone to playcentre and they made more friends that way than through plunket etc. One even joined the commitee for her playcentre.

And I know what you mean about not having friends, I've been there and done that. I mean I've always had 'friends' but at times (esp after leaving High School) no one special who I could 'talk' to. It can be hard when you drift apart from friends etc and unfortunately life seems to go in stages and friends I think can tend to as well. Especially if you are at a different stage to a lot of people you know etc. (hope that makes sense!!)

Anyway big hugs if you ever need to chat you can always pm me (or email me as you have my address lol! Oh - Rohann LOVES the seat I must take a photo. It's great if she's upset before a feed and I need to do her bottle, as i plonk her in it and she stops crying immediately as she is too busy looking around!)

Kandice, you are a lovely person - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I take Bella to a music and movement class on Fridays if you and Kylah want to go - its in New Brighton

i've met you a few times now too kandice and i think your a lovely person and kylah is just gorgeous!! i often feel the same way you feel too and i only have 1 or 2 RL friends that i hardly ever see. i'm at the point where i need to make an effort to try and meet some new people.

you've moved recently haven't you? where are you now? i'm in north beach so maybe we could take the kids to the park or something....you could bring your dog to play with my dog?

Thanks guys, it feels so nice to actually see that people care. I dont have a close relationship with my mum at all so cant even talk to her about anything. We have never hugged, never said i love you and i cant remember the last time we ever spoke about anything you wouldnt say to a flatmate. Probaly never have.
I live in Phillipstown now, but work wednesday thursday and friday. It sucks. I feel like it takes away all my time from her when i really know it doesnt.

I find it really really easy to write things down, and i usually do it quite well. But now its harder because i feel like im gunna get critisized for what i write or something bads going to come from it.

My friends are having babies now but i still cant call them my friends, they dont bother to come see me. Even my best friend has never met Kylah. Whats that saying? Now he is having a baby and i can see whats going to happen there.

Im sick of feeling like im a single mum even though im in a relationship. I get up EVERY morning, no matter what day it is and get kylah up and do the whole morning routine. Whether or not its the weekend he still lies in bed untill the last minute for work, or if its like today for example, hes still asleep in bed.

Mothers day, it was the one thing i was looking forward too, and that turned to sh*t really bad. How can he ever replace the one 1st mothers day?

Why do i always feel like crying? I dont feel happy much.
I dont even want to have sex because i feel like thats all he wants and that he doesnt care about me. I know he does but nothing i do can make him understand the way i feel. I dont want to end our relationship, i just ish there was a magic pill that could make everything perfect.

Now im writing a novel.

My GP, i dont know, they just tend to throw medication at you and push you out the door. I really want to see a councillor, but find it too hard to talk. Then i will sit there and wonder if they think im just a nutter.
Last time i told someone my problems cyfs got involved, so how am i meant to tell anyone again?

Can we go to playcentre? Even though shes only 9 months old?


Vanessa that would be cool, i love going to the park! Kylah loves the swings, and i normally just walk down the road to the small park about 3 houses away from me and push her on the swings there, im just so tired of always being by myself.

I know people shouldnt be putting me down, but i never stand up for myself so i guess thats never going to change.

Kandice I'm feel the same about no RL friends, I'm quite shy so find it quite hard to meet new people. Come to our playcentre its the best, everyone is really nice and its not too intense on the whole playcentre philosophy. Theres also a few other babies Kylahs age.

That would be lovely Kandice.

We go to burwood down new brighton road, a few houses down (towards the palms) from burwood school. You can just show up any day for a visit its open mon-fri 9:15 to 12 or you can ring first and find out if theres days available, 3854378. We go Tues and Weds