How can I help my friend

She has one baby that is 6 months and she is 3 months pregnant at the moment. On the outside she appears to be coping fine, still looks great and is always perfect looking, her clothes makeup hair etc. Anyway for a while I have felt like she was starting to back away from our friendship because she started not returning phone calls and texts etc, then I thought ok shes got a wee one and is pregnant so just give her time etc but then she looked like she was coping so well so I couldnt undersand it.

She is the type of girl whos house is always imaculate and who always looks stunning - and everytime I have been to her house lately her house is still always so tidy and she looks amazing - hence why I didnt think she was struggling with everything.

Anyway, I got an email from her today (which was very sweet) and it basically said how she wasnt coping at all, and that she cant keep up with anything. She doesnt know if she is trying to do to much or that its pregnancy hormones or a bit of both etc. She feels like she has had 2 do lists for weeks and they just arent going down. She also told me our friendship ment the world to her (which makes me feel terrible thinking that she was "avoiding me" type thing).

But Im so glad she has talked to me about this - now the thing is where to from here? How do I help? If I ask her if there is anything I can do she says she is fine just really tired. Her Mum can have her wee girl for the night now which is great, I just want to go to her with some suggestions, or going to help with something I just dont know - I really want to help her, she sounds like she needs it.

So what can you ladies who have been there done it suggest that I do?

Thanks and sorry for the ramble!

Food is always good - can you cook a meal for her a couple of times and take it around? Just not having to do the meal prep/clean up and having something good to eat for dinner always made me feel a bit more relaxed.
Can you offer to come over for a couple of hours and entertain/change/feed the little one so that she can get something done?

Fold washing

Make meals

Babysit for an hour-ish so she can have a nap

I'm really glad she emailed you. It's so hard to ask for help and maybe she feels as though she's responsible for her position and therefore shouldn't ask for a hand? Anyway, glad she has you

Sometimes you have to be a bit bossy - but then I don't know you or your friend. I'm the kind of person who would respond to an email like that by just getting in there and ignoring protests, unless it was obviously really upsetting them. This is because I know that I am the same - put too much on my 'to do' lists and freak out but won't accept help from anyone. When my mum or DH forces me to let them help it all becomes so much easier and I kick myself for not letting them help earlier.
Another way to do it would be to say you were coming over to help for a day so that she can have an extra pair of hands - so she doesn't think you're taking over. Then when you are actually there, make sure she gets a bit of rest at some point. Even just sitting down with a cup of tea and going through her lists of stuff to do with her and helping her figure out timeframes/how others can help/plans for each thing would probably help her a lot.

I'd just make up the meal and take it around if you think she might say no, at least that way it's much harder to refuse and she'll be grateful of it!

Or send her out for some pampering.. I loved it when someone did it for me. Offered to babysit and got me a voucher for a massage. It made me feel so great to get out of the house and be pampered and when I came home some of my housework was even done!

Is she open to you baby sitting her 6mth old do you think? Maybe you could do something like organise for her to have a massage (special preggy one of course) and look after the little one while she goes off to have some 'her' time and then be ready with dinner when she gets home and take care of any other chores that might be obvious.

Everybody likes lasagne dont they????? It a nice easy meal to prep in advance and reheat.    

I think her email shows that she is ready to accept your help even though she may object at first - that's probably a guilt thing cos I know I would be exactly the same way. The food thing is a great idea and even going round and maybe doing the ironing or something while you both can have a chat - I did this for a friend of mine and I know she really appreciated it (and I HATE ironing lol!) Don't let her turn you down though - her email proves how much she needs you right now.

And good on you for being so concerned about her, everyone needs people like you in their lives who truly care about them

I have nothing to add, but just wanted to say you are a great friend for wanting to help out.

I found I'd always refuse if people asked me if I wanted help, but couldn't refuse after it had been done already (ie washing taken off the line or folded, or a meal given to me) and as someone else has said, I wish I had of let people help me earlier.

I don't have anything else to add as everyone has given really good ideas. Just wanted to say I think you are an awesome friend too!

I feel like I have been in your friend's shoes, trying to keep everything together and cope without any help and it has been really hard. For one thing I thought that everyone else was so busy with their lives that it was unfair to ask them to help me with mine. While we were away at Christmas my Mum and SIL came to our house and did some cleaning and washing - something I would never have asked them to do. It was so wonderful to come home to a clean house.
Along with what others have suggested I would say just gone on over and don't take no for an answer. Food that can be popped in the freezer and then microwaved on a day when things have gone pear shaped is always great. See if you can find out what is on her list and pick one to help her out with. She may not necessarily be tired but just tired because she doesn't see the list going down, so she may not want to rest while you do something for her but just needs someone to work alongside her, and maybe just someone to talk to.
Anything you do I am sure will be greatly appreciated!