Lack of Sex!

Have you actually talked to him about it?? ALthough that is easier said than done. Maybe just start on the lack not the actual activity.

Does he not want it as much because of his problem finishing off? If I was a guy that would certainly effect how much I wanted it cause I'd be so embarassed and down about it.

Yes I have talked to him. At first he said it was his job but has since left that job. I asked him seriously one day, even if I didn't like the answer. He said some of the reason is my weight. I am 30 kg heavier than when we first met.

I am sorry but I kind of disagree that she deserves better because of a weight gain, 30kgs is a lot.

At the same time, you really do need to sort this out because it must leave you feeling like crap! I know for me exercise and being in shape helps heaps, but it really does sound like "his" issue, with the not cuming part.

You should talk to him as frank as you can, if he is not attracted to you anymore because of the weight gain, I dont think it is unreasonable to try and get back into shape, not only for YOU but for your realtionship. I wouldnt find my man as attractive if he put on 30kgs, and I know he wouldnt find me as attractive.

That is if that is the reason, I dont think its fair for you to go through this rejection without him explaining, it hurts to be rejected by your partner and sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. He needs to tell you what is going on so you can and him can do something about it together.

I am sorry you are going through this, it sucks when you feel like your partner does not want you.

It might be hard to hear, but I believe you got some good advice from both Gen and Kebakat.

I put in over 25kg with DS. It's amazing how you don't notice your bum growing huge when compared to a huge tummy!, But I felt frumpy after DS was born. It is not just the weight gain, but the health, energy and confidence loss that often goes with it.

Maybe start trying some walking with some jogging. You will feel better for it, both physically and mentally. Maybe get him out there with you. There is something to be said about doing activities together,

I have lost over 15kg so far, it was hard and it comes off frustratingly slowly but our sex life just keeps getting better and better.    I feel much more sexy and my DH agrees, plus the extra flexibility...![;)

Good luck and hope you both work it out]

I don't think it's just the weight gain on it's own. It's everything that is associated with the weight gain such as him thinking you're not taking care of yourself, him thinking you're not interested in your appearance and perhaps associating that with being disinterested in him.

I was in a similar position a few years ago before we tried for children. I was 15kgs heavier than I was when we first me and the sex had dried up. I confronted my husband and he said that it was because I'd stopped going to the gym. He didn't specifically say it was because of the weight gain but me being active, I think, was a large part of why he was attracted to me. It hurt. A LOT. And I couldn't understand why he would feel that way - essentially I was the same person, wasn't I?

Anyway, a baby and 15 kgs less later, I can now see that it's not fair to DH if I were to radically change my appearance to something that he didn't like. I'm now more realistic and 'get' that physical attraction is helped along by the eyes.

So anyway, after my big long rant, could it be the change in your 'lifestyle' that he's not attracted to?

I've always been "chubby" and always struggled with my weight until recently..

I always hovered around 70kg pre kids. I went up to 99kg after I had my first. I'm now down to 57kg and it's very easy for me to maintain because i've changed my lifestyle completely.

If your interested in how I did it this is the most basic run down. First off I had to just decide I was going to do it. I had to decide that there would be no more excuses. Like I'd use anything as an excuse not to cook, eat really badly or not to exercise. Now I don't. I'd say oh the kids have been misbehaving so I'll have takeaways. Oh I didn't get much sleep last night I'll just be lazy today and not cook and not workout. I even had a couple of little notes placed around the place so I could see them telling me to move my fat ass lol.

First off I started with my eating habits. It's much better to eat 6 smaller meals than to skip meals or eat big meals. I started fixing one meal at a time starting with breakfast, then lunch, dinner and then my snacks. If you try and instantly fix everything at once its too much and you won't stick with it.

Then I worked on my exercise. The trick to sticking with exercise is variety and finding what you like. I do personal training sessions once a week which is different every week giving me heaps of ideas for my own gym sessions for the rest of the week. But i started by getting a few exercise dvds and doing those at home.

My DH and I don't do this together as such. I am now what he terms and exercise freak. He is not, he's the opposite. But he's not at all overweight so doesn't need to. He's a meat eater, I'm a vego and then I have to cater for kids as well so meals can be a challenge, so we have a list of meals that work for everyone so if we are having a brain fart we can look at the list.

With the cooking/takeaways. It's actually quicker to have a couple of easy good meals always in the pantry to whip up. Takes 10 mins to make a yummy filling omlette which is faster than getting takeaways. Otherwise on days you do feel like cooking make double the amount and freeze the other half for a day you can't be bothered.

One thing I've found since becoming very motivated and removing excuses from my life is that it has positively effected every other area of my life. We get out and do more fun stuff. We all have more energy and are generally more happy because we eat so healthy. I seem to get so much more done in a day. We are way more outgoing. More confidence. I have more motivation to sort other issues. For some reason my house has never been cleaner cause I've taken the no excuses attitude to that. I've also noticed that my motivation has rubbed off on my DH too..

Oh see Stacey suggested heaps but I missed her post coz I got distracted lol sorry for the repeats!!

I had another thought though - have you considered joining a local walking group to kickstart some exercise? Or hit up some of your local OBers to be your exercise buddy I'm shocking at exercising by myself I have zero motivation so having someone drag me out everyday while ignoring all my excuses would be hell but seriously it'd pretty much be the only way to get me off my butt!

Oh well thats ok chick - YOU eat the frozen meals and let him get takeaways if he wants.

Fish Oil and Evening Primrose Oil were a lifesaver for me when I had severe depression. Can't recommend them highly enough. IMO diet plays a big part in keeping our bodies balanced too so you may find, like I did, that as I began cleaning the crap out of my diet my depression became easier to manage too.

Its just one step at a time. No point exercising to lose weight if you aren't eating right so how bout you start there?? Regardless of what your relationship is like the combo of overweightness, depression, hypothyroidism and not a great diet will be making everything just that much harder for your body and head to cope with. Diet will help with all of those things and then once you feel more uhm 'in alignment' as hippy as that sounds lol you figure out your next step and go from there

:shrug: its really just a case of deciding what you want. this may not be right for you and thats ok