Am I over reacting?

6 months ago got told we may need assistance to have a baby, so hubby and I agreed to get all our debt (credit cards and HP's) paid off and start saving for when we have a baby so that we can live comfortably on one income and also afford to buy quality baby gear.
So anyway, around Easter hubby went and got a personal loan and bought a car off trade me (car was half built and needed a lot spent to fix it). None of this was discussed with me so understandably i was pissed off but told him as long as we get everything else paid off we could deal with it. So anyway 6 months have now passed and our debt is worse than ever and im the only one making any effort to pay it off, any extra money hubby has is being spent on his car and he is also saying he is going to warrent and register it so he can drive it everywhere. So over the weekend i told him that this has to stop as we made the agreement earlier in the year and only i seemed to be making any effort towards it. this quickly turned into an arguement with him saying all he does is pay bills and i pay nothing (we both work thou) and why cqant he spend his money on what he wants because he earned it etc and how its fine for me to go shopping and buy what ever i want whenever i want but anytime he buys something he gets in trouble. (not true). i will admit im not perfect with my spending but have been budjheting and saving so that i can buy things i want. so anyway ive told him its the car or me. am i over reacting or am i justified in telling him this? also if anyone has any advice on how we can solve this issue, would be great.

I'd be really frustrated with that too. I'm really good with money, partner isn't at all so we often but heads on money matters. I'd sit down with him, put everything down on paper (IE bills, mortgage, debt etc) work out what you both need to be putting in, what you want to save, and what you're able to spend without having to justify it or talk to the other about. When it comes to us, we talk about everything over say $100, under that we pretty much just do as we please unless we're having a really tight week.

Money can be such a touchy subject so try make it about both of you, not just pointing the finger at him spending on his car (seriously when do guys grow out of throwing money into a bottomless pit??)

Hope you manage to sort things out!

I get the idea that this is not so much about the money but more about how far away having a baby seems coupled with the fact that DH doesn't seem to share your clucky enthusiasm.

I would suggest that you have a frank discussion with him about how you're feeling (i.e. "I really want to enhance our lives with a mini-us") and that is why you're so upset about your money situation, put together a budget for two years so he can see how much work you both need to put in so that you're able to take a decent amount of time off. And finally ask if he's on the same page as you. You don't want to find out after the fact that he isn't because you sure as hell don't want to be doing it alone (which, sometimes, even if you're still in the relationship, you may end up doing).

Hugs, it's a toughie that's for sure.

First I will sit down and write down all expenses. Then what you figure you guys spent on this. Then go through statements as far as you can and put it in and see what you actually spend.

From there readjust the budget (and please please put sanity money in for both of you). If the car is a very big priority then put that in the budget as well (seperate from the sanity money).

Then start filling in amounts that is fixed. The ones that is variable put an upper amount on it.

See what you can save etc and then see how much you can spend on sanity, car money etc. Then have that up where both can see it. Pay bills as they come and then have an actual budget of what you spent and compare that month to month. Then readjust until you guys can find a budget that works for you.

It will start eating at your relationship if one partner tells the other what to do. You need to work with him on a solution that will work for both of you. I have had so many friends that have had trouble concieving or carrying baby to term and then when they finally did they split up before the child is a year old. So sometimes it might be better to take a bit longer to fulfil that dream and rather work on the relationship now.

I would be pretty annoyed too since you had agreed on it.

I would do a budget and allow money for him and you to spend.

I would also then have the conversation about whether he is ready to have kids or not. If he is saying all he does is pay bills etc now, wait until a little one comes along!

ohhh Anna, that really sux i don't really have much advice, other suggesting a few deep and meaningfuls about his resentment on the paying bills front. money can be such a relationship killer, hope you get it sussed soon! luckily for me my DH bought his souped up car before we were living together, or maybe that should ready lucky for HIM!

i reckon the girls talking about sanity money are onto something, surely if you can agree on an amount each week (maybe his slightly more than yours if he gets antsy about earning more? actually, not sure on that one lol) & put the rest on bills that would be the best way forward. good luck

Depending what you've been told regarding needing help to have a baby, perhaps he's feeling like it'll never happen so whats the point of trying? Not saying that it won't happen for you, of course, but men can be funny creatures like that

I agree that you need a heart to heart about both of your priorities and go from there.

jazzy wrote: Babe wrote: Check out Dave Ramsey and his baby steps. Now I think DR is great, we are trying to put a few of his steps into place, I think he has it right. There is an American forum I love & they are totally into this.

GL Jazzy! We started his steps and covered almost triple the ground in a few weeks than we'd covered in a year financially. It's freeing and exciting to see money coming together (specially when it comes together in MY accounts not people I have to pay ).

we have no debt as all cc & hp's are paid off so we are working on our emergency fund at the moment.

Here is a quick view of what it is about.

Dave Ramsey
The Baby Steps:

Pre-Step 1: Get current on your debts and do a budget
Before you begin the baby steps, you must be current on your bills and, if you aren't doing one already, begin doing a monthly budget.

Baby Step 1: Save $1000 cash in the bank
Start your emergency fund. If your income is less than $20,000, make that $500.

Baby Step 2: Get out of debt
With Gazelle intensity and using the debt snowball, pay off all your debts.

Baby Step 3: Finish the emergency fund
With the money you were paying towards debt, now with no debts, you can save 3-6 months of expenses into a fully funded emergency fund.

Baby Step 4: Save for retirement
Saving 15% of your income didn't seem possible before, But with no payments, you'll be ready for retirement and not have to take a job as a Wal-Mart greeter.

Baby Step 5: Save for College
Instead of taking out student loans, your kids will be eternally grateful you thought ahead and had a plan for their higher education.

Baby Step 6: Pay off the house

Baby Step 7: Build Wealth and Give It Away

---------------------------------------------
Expanded Baby Steps:
0.1 Commit to NEVER borrow $$$ EVER for ANYTHING other than possibly a house
0.2 Talk with spouse and get him/her on the same page as you concerning finances
0.3 Do a written budget
0.4 Temporarily stop all retirement contributions
0.5 Get current on the basics (You MUST have Food, Utilities, Shelter, Basic Transportation)
0.6 Amputate "toys" (bikes, boats, ATV's etc) if they will keep you from completing the snowball within 12 months
0.7 Cut lifestyle (Cut CATV, Cellphone, Regular phone "extras", Internet, Eating out, etc) and/or take a second job if $1000 EF will take more than 30-90 days. (depending on income)
0.8 Get current on ALL bills.
1.0 Save $1000 in Baby Emergency Fund (EF)
1.1 Chop up CC's. (You have an EF now, no NEED to keep those CC's!!!)
1.2 Get Health Insurance NOW (chances of getting sick w/major medical bills are larger than that of death), especially if you have children.
1.3 Get Life Insurance NOW if you have debt/your family couldn't make it financially if you died. Especially important if you have children! Social Insecurity only provides a small amount of coverage if you have dependents.
1.4 Amputate cars that you can't pay off within 24 months (you have an EF to fix "bondo buggy" if something should happen)
1.5 Consider raising insurance deductables to $500 or $1000 and dropping full coverage on paid for "bondo buggy" (you have an EF ya know)
1.6 Draw up a will.
1.7 Get Long-Term Disability Insurance.
2.0 Do debt snowball, paying all your debts from lowest BALANCE to highest.
2.1 You can take your first vacation since finding Dave if you can pay cash for it. (no using the EF!!!)
3.0 Save 3-6 months EXPENSES in EF (FFEF)
3.1 Start replacement car fund.
3.2 Save up 20% for home purchase OR pay down existing mortgage to the point you can drop PMI.
3.3 Start furniture or other non-essential stuff replacement fund.
3.4 Move up in car if you still feel the need to (must pay cash for it!, you can only buy NEW if you have a net worth over a million dollars)
4.0 Start contributing 15% of your paycheck to retirement.
5.0 Save for kids college fund.
6.0 Pay off the house early.
7.0 Live like no one else since you have lived like no one else! Give, Build Wealth and Have Fun!