Feuding with sister...

So my sister and I have had a big falling out. She has been saying some horrible stuff about me to anyone who will listen (about spending a lot of money that isn't ours, my father supporting our little family, my son having autism, my youngest son being very ill and me being to slack to do anything about it) all of which is FALSE. I finally stood up for myself after years of this crap and now she has completely disowned me and will not having anything to do with me or my kids. I don't care so much about her not wanting to know me cause to be honest I'm not to thrilled about her but it's the fact that she refuses to acknowledge my kids even exist. I plan to give her kids christmas presents and birthday presents etc but she has even said if my kids were very ill in hospital she wouldn't care. Our Mother says I should just apologise for what I said and then she will hopefully get over it and we can be, as my mother says, good sisters again. What do you guys think? I honestly don't want to apologise to her, she is 28 years old and is acting like my eldest son who is 2. I just wish she wouldn't take it out on my kids...

Good on you for standing up for yourself. From the sounds of it I wouldn't be too worried that your kids are missing out on an Aunt. Actually from your description of her, I think they are lucky!

Sorry you are going through this though, fighting with family is never easy

edited for spelling

Edited by mummydee

Thanks :) It's just frustrating. I have had to completely erase her from my facebook as she keeps leaving snide remarks on my page etc. Its getting really pathetic.

Don't applogies, me and my sister had a falling out (she is 6 years younger than me with no children) and I refused to applogies for what I did/said after she left a family xmas lunch for a booty call. My parents had phone calls from NZ back to them about who we were behaving and I told my dad what she did and he changed his tune on making me applogies and made her do it instead. Took her 6 months but she did it and only then did I forgive her. Don't acknowledge her or her children till she grows up and applogies to you.

Don't apologise. People like that feel that they can say and do anything they like without repercussion. And they will continue to get away with it if people like you (and me) accept it.

It doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong so don't apologise. Continue to acknowledge her children though as you would be no better than her if you refused to have anything to do with them.

And as for her comment about your children - Disgusting, absolutely disgusting.

My sister is a bit of a nutter too. My parents often dealt with it by requiring me (the younger one) to apologise and jump through her irrational hoops "because there is no point expecting her to be sensible about it". Sounds like that might be the approach your mum is taking too. For the record I think it's a stupid approach and does nothing but encourage crap behaviour from the crazy one.

I have to say it makes it damn hard for the rest of the family not being able to have both of us in the same house (even for a family wedding) without it ending in tears.

I largely ignore her. I'm polite but certainly not forthcoming with conversation. I try not to make it any more unpleasant than I can get away with, but I don't let her push me around either.

She no longer bothers me, but it took a long time for me to reach this point. In the end you can't let her pollute your life with her rubbish. Live your life and let her live hers. You'll be ok in the end, really

Well, my basic theory in life is that if you've done or said something you're ashamed of and think in retrospect that you probably shouldn't have, you apologise (even if they did/said something hurtful too). If you haven't, you don't. Apologising just for the sake of making peace seems to me to teach the other person all sorts of bad lessons.

So you know what went down, but I'd go with your gut. In the long run, that will be best, even if it means a few uncomfortable times with your parents in the meantime.

charming