QuoteReplyTopic: Hard choice ahead Posted: 18 July 2011 at 10:48pm
I have a daughter 7 and a son 3, I had to terminate a 3rd baby due to pregnancy complications and my partner is asking if we can have another baby. Ive explained to him that I feel like i'd be choosing having another baby over the one we couldnt have and whats to say we wont have to do the same thing if we did decide to get pregnant again? Also i think we are lucky we have one of each sex and our son when born had to go into neonatal due to my illness. Partner said he blocks out the illness I get. Am I am being selfish by saying no or is he being selfish by asking to try for another. Advice please.
I believe partnerships are a give and take thing, with a lot of compromises to make it work (happily together 20yrs) but in the end it is your body that goes through this illness and you have to ask yourself are YOU wanting another child, or are you quite happy with just 2. I can't imagine any mother who has lost or had to terminate a child in your circumstance wanting to have another child as a 'replacement', so maybe your feeling this way is another way of saying no, I'm not ready, and maybe I won't ever be. Maybe it is your husband who needs to look at his need to have another child.
So sorry to hear that - it must have been a terribly sad thing for you both. I don't think either of you is being selfish - he can't help it if he's longing for another child and of course it's understandable that you don't want to go through that again.
DP and I also disagree on whether to have another child - he definitely doesn't want one, but I might. I'm not going to try to pressure him into it because I wouldn't want to create a child who wasn't completely wanted. One compromise we have discussed is taking in a long-term foster child in the future, with the possibility of adopting. It means another sibling for our kids while giving a good home to someone who needs it, plus not having to go through pregnancy again.
I think its a very personal thing when/if your ever ready to have another child after having to terminate.
For me I was dead set against more pregnancies after Jared. DH was iffy on it but not as stone cold no as I was. I eventually decided I wanted another but I think it truely has to be a mutual decision. There's definiately no more for me. The stress of my pregnancy with Alex was horrible. I was soooo paranoid the whole way through.
I don't think either of you are selfish but you have to come to a decision you can live with
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