i have broken my baby’s selfsettle

I reckon 10 weeks is still quite little to have to self settle; they seem to change things around every day at that age! I definitely wouldn't do cry it out, especially at that age, because I pretty much feel that a baby's wants and needs are the same thing when they're that small - if he wants a little help getting to sleep for a bit, that might just be what he needs right now.

I think a huge problem I had when Chloe was that little was that I really wanted her to self-settle, and she never did; it just resulted in her not sleeping longer than five minutes and just getting grumpier and grumpier. Of course, that just leads to worse sleep and it's a vicious cycle. Perhaps if you just let him feed/be rocked to sleep a few times until he is very well-rested, he will be more receptive to patting and shushing, and not overtired and grumpy.

Try not to stress about it too much; he won't still need your help getting to sleep when he's 16.

I agree, CIO is pretty tough at any stage, but 10 weeks is too early, you are wise not too, most CIO people say its either after 6 or 9 months. I dont believe you are making it worse, i worried about that too (we did lots of things "wrong" with E, just responded to her when she cried and gave her cuddles etc and she did things in her own time, she SS and STTN easy as now and is still only young) but just couldnt leave her to cry. i tried a couple of times but it ended up stressing me out so much i stopped and just gave her love instead.
With E we did the same rocked and rocked her to sleep, sometimes taking and hour of up and down, then one day I had enough (she weighed over 10% of my body weight then and was so heavy on shoulder) and just put her down in cot and walked away for a breather and lo and behold she went quiet and went to sleep!! it was like being held up and rocked agitated her and kept her awake. so random. ever since that day she has SS, just needs to be given the chance, i can put her down wide awake after a 5 min cuddle and she will go off to sleep. so i know it sounds silly, but have you tried just putting him down after a little (maybe 5 min) rock? sometimes you have to reach breaking point ot try it tho, cuz their naps are so important, to them and to our sanity to give us a wee break!
ALso, at 10 weeks their cries sound so much the same. E will sometimes grizzle a little or talk to herself and babble before going to sleep, so could be his cries if put down are just that but he cant do the different sounds yet?
Good luck and update how you are going!

I totally and completely understand how frustrating this is as I went through it myself with my baby and it felt like it would never end.

But he is so little, and it does get better. My baby went through a stage of waking as soon as he was put down or sleeping for half an hour at most during the day at about that age. Sometimes he would stay awake for the whole day but he would be unhappy that whole time. Self settling was not even an option he would scream if he was put down, and I had to feed him then rock him to sleep.

What I did was perservered, basically. I made sure I had all the bases covered- swaddling, white noise/music on, dummy, sleeping in his room for day sleeps rather than lounge in case he was distracted, and routine- I followed the same series of events every time he was due for a sleep eg bottle, go downstairs, swaddle, dummy, rock and cuddle, bed. I rocked him to sleep for what seemed like hours on end in those days.

I worried so much about him self settling but in the end, he gradually started to do it when he was ready. I went from fully rocking to sleep for about 2 weeks, to rocking until very sleepy then putting in bed to fall asleep, then cuddling and rocking for a bit then putting in bed at first sign of sleepiness, to putting in awake. Gradually his day sleeps increased. Then decreased for a long time more recently lol now they are increasing in length again.

So my advice is at this point do whatever you can to get him to sleep and trust it won't last and it will gradually change, I know that's so frustrating as when people said that to me I was like but he needs to sleep!! I need him to sleep so I can get things done! Why won't he stay asleep? He's supposed to sleep 3 hours not 30 mins!! But eventually it happened, in time, I just stuck to my guns and kept going on.

So yeah... my son is only really self settling consistently in the last few months. He just gradually started doing it himself when he was ready.

I wouldn't CIO at that age because I don't think he has a sleeping problem he's just going through a phase some of them seem to go through :S I know its so hard tho it nearly did my head in worrying about his sleep for a long time

I hate to be a downer but i wonder if he wasnt self settling at all just being an awesome drowsy NB and now he's a bit older he's awake and aware and not wanting to be in bed when he could be with you mom, jeez! Anyway, DS was a freaking horror, i was in tears daily trying everything to get him to just lie down for 10minutes and sleep but eventually it got better and now he's a pro self settler and sleeps 1hr+ each nap. I did what wiggly jiggly said, rocking to sleep, to drowsy etc and it came right. I'm pretty sure it only took a week, maybe two maximum for it to come right but he was 3 1/2 - 4 months when i decided i wasnt going to walk him over my shoulder for an hour anymore.

thanks guys.
my issue is that he's gotten into a pattern of sleep/eat/play/eat/sleep. then two eats aren't "good" feeds and the sleep is very short and on me.
today we're going to start putting him in his cot drowsy but not asleep. however if he cries he gets cuddles till he settles again, then back to the cot (repeat, repeat, repeat) i'm hoping it helps
DH is a great believer in white noise has got the little transistor radio out - unfortunately i hate the sound.

White noise did help with E sometimes, just not everytime. hope the cot drowsy helps, definitely worth a try, is nerve wracking isn't it! good luck!

He,he my girls always wanted to sleep on me at that age too and probably the only reason we ended up with the hammocks was cos I couldn't have BOTH of them on me.
Seriously though, have a scout around to see if you know anyone with a hammock & give it a try. Mine are constantly out on loan to friends, they are that good!

Edited by Danda08

I started using a technique called (I think) constant reassurance about 2 weeks ago, and it has really worked. I couldn't stand the idea of CIO, or even CC, and I was getting nothing done with her sleeping on me during the day. She also wasn't sleeping enough. In hindsight, I think being held by us was actually overstimulating her and keeping her more awake.

So what I do is, as soon as she seems tired during the day, or at the end of our bedtime routine at night, I put her in her bassinet, tuck her in, tell her it's sleepytimes, pat her etc. Then I leave the room and tell her I will be back in a couple of minutes. Then I wait for 3 minutes if she's quiet, or grizzling slightly (not full out crying) and then go back in, tell her mummy's here, and pat/soothe her if necessary. (If she's full out crying I will go straight back in.) I try not to pick her up unless she won't soothe without a cuddle. Then, once she's quiet, I tell her it's sleepytime, I'll be back in a few minutes, and leave again. Repeat until she falls asleep. It usually only takes 5-10 minutes for her to fall asleep, after less than 2 weeks of using this method.

Thanks CJ - I like it cos it's quite firm (once in bed, there she stays) but gentle, without letting her cry. I could never CIO but got sick of rocking her to sleep, and this is working nicely.

Also dont get too focussed on a pattern of eat play sleep. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. My son was a catnapper. Slept for 30 minutes every 3 hours. There was no way that I could feed him every 2 hours to fit in with the sleep pattern. Listen to your baby and see what her routine is and then use that as a base for what you do every day as babies are different. You know your baby and she will show you when it is time to change the routine or timings. You get better at picking up on the queues. I cannot stress enought that you find something that work for you as kids are different. Take it from a refluxy catnapping dummy sucking baby's mom. And now he is 16 months and have lost all of the sillyness. And remember this too shall pass