Sticky question re wedding invites......

Right, so we get married in November and I've sent out save the dates, but I have since had a change of heart in regards to one of the people we had originally intended on inviting. She is a workmate but she isn't very good when she is drinking...... we all went out a week or so ago to farewell a fellow workmate and she was hammered before she even got there (the person in question, not the one we were farewelling) and ended up getting so drunk that she punched another workmate. And then when I started thinking about it, I realised that everytime we have been out and alcohol has been involved, she has either verbally or physically abused someone in way one or another (nothing major, just stupid drunk behaviour) and I really don't think I want to have to worry about that at my wedding.
So, my question is...... do you think I am being a total cow if we don't invite her, despite the fact we've already given her a save the date??? I'm torn! I don't want it to make things awkward at work, but since the punching incident, she has been a bit weird toward me cause I tried talking to her about her drinking.
Hmmmmmm.... such a dilemma! Please help!!!

Haha that's basically what I said to her after the punching incident. She just laughed and thought it was funny. Don't think she'll ever change

Maybe come clean with her, you've already shown you are brave enough to confront her about her drinking, so say to her after this incident & that incident (use examples) say unfortunately we are not going to invite you to our wedding. The only way people like that get a clue is by people standing up to them.

Yeah you maybe on the receiving end of some nastiness but at least your wedding day will be punch free.

AandCsmum wrote: Maybe come clean with her, you've already shown you are brave enough to confront her about her drinking, so say to her after this incident & that incident (use examples) say unfortunately we are not going to invite you to our wedding. The only way people like that get a clue is by people standing up to them. Yeah you maybe on the receiving end of some nastiness but at least your wedding day will be punch free.

Yea - I like this solution. Not the most comfortable, but honestly the best for her even though she won't appreciate it at the time... and it solves the problem about having to worry about her ruining everything.

As the daughter of an alcoholic father who made horrndous comments and caused a scene during speeches at my brother's wedding I was dreading the same thing happening at mine. So I got brave and made the decision there were not going to be speeches and when dad complained I explained, without sugar-coating, that the decision was made purely because of him and his drinking problem... that and a couple of other things which were pointed out to him did help his drinking issues.

So be honest why you don't invite her. She may not like it but at least you'll enjoy your day without the 'what ifs' of her behaviour hanging over you.

It's your day and sure they'll be a few bumps along the way but you want the day to go as smoothly as possible without having to worry about her and her behaviour and what she might do... She may have forgotten about it... Maybe don't invite her or explain that her drinking is why you aren't inviting her.

I like the idea of inviting her to the ceremony but not reception... You could say you only wanted family at the reception...

i agree with the person who said just invite her to the service and not the reception. if she asks why tell her you dont her to make a scene at the wedding. If she only a workmate though then i wouldnt worry too much about inviting her.

Oh well that's alright imo if she isn't mentioning it. I wondered if she was involved with chat with the other girls about it but guess not... I suppose if you don't invite her and don't really want her to know or be upset you could always ask your other work mates to keep it on the down low for a bit?

Are you getting married to please people? I doubt it. So why should what is supposed to be a celebration of something wonderful in your life be filled with concerns.. it shouldn't.

This is a day about you and your husband and everyone else is there to be a part of your life. If you feel that she is not going to do this then simply don't invite her, no guilt needed. Talk to her but honestly if you can't trust her then don't risk it.

The few regrets that I have about my wedding celebrations centre around people going against my wishes. The ones that bother me the most is the to do with people that are still in my life and still acting poorly. They are my ILs so I couldn't opt not to invite but I say if there is one day you deserve a break from this sort of thing then it is YOUR wedding day.

I would probably go for the soft option of inviting her to the service but not the reception and use cost saving as an excuse.

A relative dated an obnoxious drinker for awhile. We (the family) only invited him to events that clearly stated that the invite was for him only. Easier to do when its a partner though.