How has your upbringing shaped you?

Lol I remember as a kid (living an a VERY poor house) using newspaper and junkmail and even the phonebook as TP.
And my mother used the family facecloths when she had her period. *vomit*...That has stuck with me and I still find it difficult to use facecloths now *shudder* and the "soaking bucket" *vomits*
I'm cutting and pasting from the family cloth thread as I am interested in reading what others have to say about how their upbringing shaped the person they are today.

For example we grew up in a very very very poor family. I always have at least 1 12 pack of good quality toilet paper in the cupboard. And I always have plasters and paracetamol and use tampons and cannot use faceclths for anything ever...anyhow read below and you'll catch my drift.

Also its why I feel so passionately about just cos you can dosen't mean you should when it comes to having babies when you are broke as broke (having been the product of a very poor home)

So...below are posts from that thread...

I guess lots of what happened in my childhood "scarred" me, hence my more "consumeristic" lifestyle now. I use tampons and pads and tenas for when I run and a liner every day for CM which I get plenty of (thanks PCOS you rock) and deoderant and cotton wool wipes for my face.... AND toilet paper. Lol.
If you don't use any of these things, more power to you...however I hope you don't scar your kids for life like I have been!! LOL (that is a little tongue in cheek BTW I'm sure you won't be)

AND

Actually its quite funny the things that subconciously have affected me about my upbringing. I mean, I'm over it, I use the term "scarred for life" in a loose sense but if I look hard enough lots of what I do and have are probably kneejerks to my upbringing.
Another wee one made me laugh today. I had a wee fella form mr 6's class here for the day and he hurt himself and it wasn't bleeding but I asked him if he wanted a plaster to "make it better" as you do (well I do ha ha) and I opened up my "medicine" cupboard and he says "Woah! Is that your emergency pack?" and I did a wee mental inventory of what I have in there, and we never had ANY of those things as kids EVER. Never had plasters, medicine, paracetamol/disprin, bandages, cold medicine, arnica or antiseptic cream etc etc. Man so OT. Sorry OP.!

hahaha

well I grew up poor when I was little (under 5) then my dad made some money so it was a so-called middle class life from then on...

but, my mum is an absolute pig when it comes to cleaning, I mean like teenage boy she is so gross...as a result I always like my house to be so clean and she is always in a stressed state so I try my hardest to be really clean, and un-stressed for my partner as I think it makes a huge difference to a house's vibe.

As for my dad, well he smokes alot of pot and is really in your face with his opinions so i try to control my own opinions (I often fail)

My parents also hardly disciplined me and my mum is never a big hugger so I intend to have routines, discipline and lots and lots of hugs in my house lol.

hahah but I love them so much

I dont know if its related to my upbringing exactly but we were never ever in a million years allowed chips or biscuits or candy or white bread even. When i got a paper run as a pre-teen i'd buy like, whole family sized bags of crisps and binge out on them. I reckon its because i suffered so many kids parties where my mom would be like NO CRISPS and make me eat whatever lame vegetable was on offer. It was like forbidden fruit..

Also my mom has serious issues, she's obsessed with weight, for as long as i can remember she'd serve me and her different meals to my dad and my brother, not smaller portions - like they'd have steak and baked potato with sour cream and cheese and we'd have a salad with half a plain baked potato. Shes constantly walking around saying things like "I had a big lunch yesterday, i don't really need to eat today" and will nibble on a bit of fruit like some kind of freaking matyr. It used to really affect me and i'd turn down meals and she'd seem so proud - like "You're right, you don't really need lunch anyway" when i was in high school. Our bookshelf is full of diet books and within a few weeks of DS being born she was attempting to cut down my intake for me, yeah, well thats freaking great when i'm trying to bf, isnt it. I ignore her now i'm in my 20s but as a teen...well, i was 5'7 and between 47 and 50kg and that wasnt thin enough though now i know how freaky i looked with my er...sturdy bone structure.

Wow, long story - if i'd had a daughter perhaps it would be slightly more important though im aware boys can get disorders too, but i hope DS and I can have normal food relationships. I'm all for healthy eating but im well aware a chocolate biscuit isnt going to turn him into a hateful blimp.

Oh, and alcohol, i actually cannot think of any childhood memories that DON'T revolve around drinking and how upset i was, like my birthday parties turning into piss fests for family, or me and my bro sleeping in our car outside their friends place because it was late and they'd told us to get in the car to go but then had 'one more'. I rarely drink, my brother drinks to excess constantly. I remember him being 15 or so and coming home so drunk he passed out in the corridor and threw up but it was a funny story for the family and they all laughed over it, wtf, shouldnt someone have said NOT OK and given him a lecture or something??

WOW sorry that went on forever but a lot of things i've been thinking over lately as i want much much better things for my little one and i don't want him as dysfunctional as i am!

Edited by Bowie

Bowie wrote: Also my mom has serious issues, she's obsessed with weight, for as long as i can remember

My stepmother was like that and I used to get told all the time that I would get fat like *Tina* some kid in my class that was marginally overweight.....and me and my brothers and sisters all maintain that we grew up very very hungry, cos she didnt want us to get FAT


Oh and one thing that erked me more than anything was the fact that I used to slog my A$$ off doing a paper run around Greta point in Kilbirnie (for those who arent in Wellington, a very very windy cold road) and my Stepmother would take my money each week to *save* it for me and then would go and buy bread and milk etc cos she has spent all her money on the lastest hair do or dress.....cos she was a bit Slut........ Ok ooops!! OT......but great Vent

I don't consider food to be a materialistic thing to be bothered about going without. And Im not talking chips or stuff like that either, Im talking basics. We regulary went without meals as there was. no. money. Kept home from school cos there was. no. money for lunch stuff. I remember as a teen living on toast for about 3 or 4 days until pay day because there was. no. money. Bikes and household goods got sold. The oven had been used as collateral for something and almost got repossesed until the NEIGHBOUR who has seen the repo men taking it out of the house paid what was owing and I doubt very much that ever got paid back.
I got an afterschool job at 14 and my $30 ish a week wage paid for uniforms, shoes, books etc as well as often buying food for the family - things normal familes take for granted. School fees went unpaid and I didn't get any of my leaving stuff or work, the school witheld everything, even my leaving cert because of that. The 6th form dean felt sorry for me so she personally paid for my exams in 5th AND 6th form or I wouldn't have been able to sit them (in those days, school cert was about $80 - which was MASSIVE in the 80's - still alot of money now) The shame of those things in my teenage years as well as regulary having no power, no phone at all ever, no school camps, no extra curricular activities including sports etc had a tremendus impact on my life and the lives of my brothers too. It was a bloody awful way to live and yep you can say all you like oh but you had love..not really..So this is why I feel so stringly about people relyting heavily on the goodwill of fmaily and the government to fund large families they cannot afford. yes it is lovely to have lots of kids, but would you want your kids growing up feeling the way I (and my brothers) feel?
Oh and to add, this is true if anything it is underexaggerated..inthe 80's and early 90;s there was very little govt help and support for families like ours. My Dad was sick and unable to work and Mum hadn't worked since the 70's so was only good for 20hr a week min wage jobs, and no too ups for the GVt like accom assistance or family tax credits etc.
Yeah I know I'm bitter, I really am.
I don't want y children to grow up spolit brats, and they are def not given everything and anything, they have chores, get pocket money for them ... and the 6 year old gives half his pocket money each week to the mission box at school - of his own volition, too, and regualry sorts clothes and toys for "poor kids" They know that they are very lucky that they have "luxeries" like loo paper and paracetamol and heat and light and food etc.
Man what a bitter rant that is! lol

So I guess my point is, lol that I'mprobably a bit of a consumer cos we had nothing.
I know my weight problems stemmed form not ever haveing stuff or being allowed stuff coupled with the fact there was very little love and affection in our home, so pay day - any spare after sharing soem with family was straight down to kfc to eat my feelings.
I will never NOT use deoderant because I remember being the stinky kid in class until I got a job and could afford my own. Neither of my parents used it. And they stank. I always have "spares" just in case...(like all the money in the world stops suddenly or there is a war nd I can't get it lol) Toliet paper and tampons etc for above mentioned reasons, I will never ever again use a phone book to wipe my backside.
While im "over" it now, I have only ever in the last year or so bought 2nd hand clothes.
I always have gas in the car and its warrented, registered and insured and the bills are always paid. no repo men coming to get my stove, lol.
I hug my kids all he time an tell them how smart they are and beautiful ( my mother used to call me ugs, short for ugly..winning at self esteem there) I'm not a hugger, I HATE people being near me or touching me at all (upbringing) but make a real effort for my lil people.
I think what I got from my upbringing is that I wanted more for myself than surviving. I want to live not to barely exist.

So thats why Im not a fan of people hugging me!! My friends make jokes of it and make it their point to hug me LOTS cos they know I get quite squirmish about it all.......but where someone needs a hug I will be there in a heart beat to give them one, even though I dont really want to, I put their feelings first......as with my kids, they WILL talk to their counsellors about how they just cant get rid of me and my hugging addiction.....LOL

I agree that just existing isnt a way of living and the choice is yours.......sit there and feel sorry for yourself or get over it and make your life better and everyone has different flavours of hang ups, and our kids will too!!! No matter what we do.....what we feel important to give our kids, we will no doubt miss something out that they will have issues with.....its just the way it is and unfortunately parents these days have sooooo much more pressure on them to not only give their kids everything they need, but everything they want and then some!!!


Everyone in this family have taken a huge step back on luxuries, and when I say luxuries, that can mean so many different things to different families, the bare minimum can be different for each family also..... but we now own a home for our kids to grow up in, so these sacrifices are needed, they might not understand now, but one day they might, or they might not and forever look back on their "poor" childhoods...(by comparison to other children around them) and never understand the sacrifices their parents have made for them........

Totally different story if someones parents lived at the pub or pokies while they grew up without toilet paper or power etc ........

ETA : reading the life that you had growing up Fattarts makes me reasses what I often thought was "hard done by"

Edited by Chickielou

My childhood has definatly had an effect on the person  i am now but i guess thats normal - childhoods do tend to shape the adults we turn into! 

 My Mother married her third husband when i was about 8 and i HATED him , she was married to him for about 13 years, i have very vivid memorys of him standing behind me as a 7/8 yr old as he made me wash and dry dishes only to stop me from putting them away so he could redo them as i didnt clean them well enough , he use to walk behind me as i vaccumed and pointed out any spots i missed and as i got a bit older (9/10) he would stand over me while i cooked tea just to make sure i was doing it right , i Still to this day have issues with people watching me cook or clean , and if anyone dear critique me the fiery ginge in me explodes lol . Its definatly one of my wee things . I only ever clean when no-ones home (apart from dp and kids) and i have real issues with cooking for others incase i do something wrong . Mum isnt married to him anymore - she will getting married for the 4th time this november and all those marriges has also shaped the way i am as an adult and my own relationships but thats a whole other story that i wont go into lol .

I love my mum but we definatly have our differences and there are definatly things i will not do to amelia that she did to me but we live and we learn dont we !

On the other side of the family i had my dad and my evil stepmother (aka "lego head" because she has had the same weird  bob fringe haircut since i can remember and it looks like that clip on hair that lego figures have ) ! they arent actually married but have been together since i was 7 and she really is the biggest bitch that walks , she had huge issues with me , when i was about 8 my mum turned her into WINZ because my dad was supporting her and her 2 kids and she was on the dpb but my dad was not paying a cent for me and only seeing me once every 3 weeks, this backfired and legohead blamed the whole thing on me so she stopped my dad from seeing me at all for over 5 years ( i realise he should of done something and its his fault too but she is very controlling) even now i dont see dad too much and we have always lived in the same city . legohead is alot like other mothers/stepmother mentioned in this thread in that she always had weight issues and would make digs at me even tho im pretty petite and iv never been more than a size 12 (and that was when i was pregnant) . Because of her i really try so so hard to be a good rolemodel for my partners daughter , it is very hard blending families and i realise now that i have one child and my partner has one child (neither together) that both my dad and stepmum and mum and stepdad would have had a hard time trying to blend families but at least i know the things NOT to do 

we are all going to make mistakes in parenting and no parent is perfect , im sure i will scar amelia for life for something in particular but i always make sure i tell her i love her every day , i work my butt off to provide her with a roof over her head clothes on her back , and food in her mouth, and i will always be here for her no matter what so i guess thats the best i can do

fatarts- wow i can see why those things would scar you , id be put off flanels too if i saw that as a child ! you sound like you have made a great life for yourself that has been alot of hard work because you have literally started from nothing and now have a lot to show for yourself (iv seen your fb photos of your nice kitchen and beautiful kiddies and husband - from an outsider you look like you have the "white picket fence") so good on you for standing up and making something for yourself   I must say even tho i didnt have the best childhood i didnt really have to worry about money , not rich at all but we always had food and uniforms, the money i made from my afterschool jobs was always for me to spend on what i wanted and mum always made an effort for my birthday and christmas (dad didnt - his best present was i think some shampoo AND conditioner one year - it was ussually just shampoo that he got free from his work anyway- he would buy legoheads kids boggieboards, wetsuits , fishing rods etc etc). I think its great that your son gives some of hs pocket money away , that shows a lovely kind spirit and you should be proud  . one good thing i remember from my childhood that i will pass on to Amelia is every xmas me and my mum would go to the xmas tree at the Cathedral in the square (which is now rubble ) and put a xmas present under the tree for another child that was not so fortunate .

Edited by julz85

I think there's no way the way we grew up can't effect us a lot, like has been said. Gah... that makes me feel very scared about raising the lad! Will he be typing in a thread like this in 30 years time??

I think I'm very, very lucky - I was definitely influenced by the way Mum and Dad parented, but mostly in a good way, as in, I can see why they made the choices they did and often find myself replicating them. They were good parents - with eight kids, there's obviously not going to be heaps and heaps of money to go round, but they went out of their way to make sure we had a holiday every year (even if it was camping down at our river, so it wasn't like it cost anything). I think there's lots of different ways of being a good parents, and they were definitely doing it one of them.

Bowie wrote: WOW sorry that went on forever but a lot of things i've been thinking over lately as i want much much better things for my little one and i don't want him as dysfunctional as i am!

To be honest, you come across as fairly... er... functional I know we've all got our spots, but I bet you're a great Mum to Max

I had a lucky upbringing. I was adopted in to a fairly well off family.
My parents told me the loved me every day and gave mu cuddles and kisses goodnight. I loved my childhood and had everything I wanted. Infact I'm not gunna lie, I was spoiled lol. I know I was. My parents would defend it (coz I got teased for it) by saying 'we're lucky to even have you so if we want to spoil you because we can, we will!' I was always playing some kind of sport. I started ballet at 3 then at 10 decided I wanted to change to marching so I did and kept it up til I was 19. I played netball every year at school. And my parents were very supportive and came to all my games, competitions & productions.

I moved out at 18 and well for myself had a fairly good job well, the job wasn't awesome but it was steady 40hrs a week. But I have also lived on the bones of my ass and had to use a phone book as TP and bought $1 loaves of bread and had tomato sauce on toast for bfast, lunch and tea when I decided to up and move to Whangarei.

I've grown up extremely genorous, I buy things for friends who don't have money. I'm always shouting people lunch and coffees etc, and it brings me joy knowing I have given someone something.

At school tho, it was my downfall, people totally used me. Always asking me for money and I couldn't say no. I even went as far as loaning someone $4k and still haven't seen a cent in repayments.
I'm often told I'm too nice.

But it doesn't bother me. I like being nice. I like being the one people can rely on if they're caught short.

Altho now it's abit hard what with my DPB and my cloth nappy adiction!

I try not to spoil DS but I can't seem to help myself..I can't wait for him to start playing sport so I can show him the support I had from my parents.

I think that makes sense lol........