Daycare help!

DS started daycare last week - just two half days a week at this stage. The first day he cried when I left, and cried when I arrived, but the second day only cried when I left and almost didn't want to leave. Then this week he's been starting to cry as soon as we pull into the carpark and not stop till I leave One of the teachers always holds him and gets him to wave good bye, and then distracts him with toys and they say he is ok soon after, but I feel so so guilty. I am not back at work yet, so the only reasons he started daycare are to give me a break and to do some activities that we wouldn't normally do at home and for the social aspect of things.

Did your little one settle down after a while? How long do I give him to settle in before reassessing? And is it better to just give him a hug and kiss and leave, or stay and play for a bit?

I've heard it can be harder on toddlers than babies to start daycare, as they are more aware of what's going on. Maybe have a chat to the staff about how long it usually takes for new kids his age to settle in. I've noticed in our centre that the kids who are just there occasionally like your boy is seem to find it a bit harder to adjust, just because it takes longer for going there to become normal. Is he in consequtive days? Can you do something that makes the day different in the mornings, so he knows "oh, today must be a daycare day". I get DD to help pack her bag (or watch me pack it mostly!).

I go with the quick hello to the carers, let them know anything relevant for the day, then quick hug and bye bye. I've found it pays to sound really happy to see the carers, and to say bye like it's nothing out of the ordinary at all. Our care is really good at having something fun (playdough, a new climbing frame, bubbles etc) set up for the kids to get straight into at drop off time so DD is often squirming to get down and get into it and not the least concerned that I'm leaving. Are you doing mornings or afternoons? If you are dropping off the same time as everyone else, that may help, but if he's having trouble, could you drop off at a time when he's the only one the carers have to focus on distracting?

For what it's worth, I watched a 9mo start recently who was one of the more clingy kids I've seen and she was doing 2 afternoons, I think, and it took her about a month to settle in and now she's happy as a clam.

To reassure yourself - go around the corner & out of sight and see how long it takes before he stops - if it's only a minute or two then he's fine. You'd hope it's natural for them to want to stay with you when you're in sight but now that you get out of sight hopefully he realises he can settle and start to play? Just a thought.

I put DS (20 months) in daycare over the summer while we were back in NZ for 2 mornings a week and he was the same. I would always stay and play for a bit as I'm not comfortable with dropping and leaving. But he is especially clingy. After a couple of weeks he would still cry when I left but he was settling in and by the time we left to go back to Oz he was almost right. The carers always assured me he had a great day and he was always happy and busy when I picked him up.

Tyler did this for about 3 weeks? He started when he was 14 months, and for the first 2 weeks I would stay for a bit in the staffroom and they'd just let me know how he was going, because I wasnt back at uni then, and now he gets a litle upset some days just as im going to leave, but then hes fine, I can hear him stop crying once ive gone, and hes fine now when I pick him up, I think it just takes a while to get used to, and they're always gonna have days when they cry and are upset, but once we're gone im sure theyre absolutely fine, like today when i picked DS up he was lying on the floor with a little blonde girl lying on top of him haha!

My son used to cry so much when I left him, it broke my heart but they assured me he was fine after Id gone and he only did this for about 3 or weeks.

My daughter is REALLY bad when I leave, she screams the place down as soon as we get to the carpark she starts and It guts me to have to leave her but they said she is totally fine once Im gone, but she also does the same thing when I get there lol!

DS has been with the same carer since he was 7 months, and went through a crying phase at about 2. I wonder if it's partly developmental. When he cried, it was horrible and I felt like the worst parent in the world walking away, but his carer said that by the time I was in my car, he was happily playing.