Our wedding and TTC Plans - Help!!

Hi Ladies,

I need some advice/suggestions please!

So, we lost our first baby in March last year, I went through 8 months of what can only be described as hell. I was desperate to try again but dp (now df) wanted to wait until Christmas. I was in a very dark place and verged depression. I do not ever want to go back there.

We tried again in December and now we've lost that one too.

We have tentatively planned to get married in January/February next year.

Getting married is really important to me and I can't wait to be married to him. As for a wedding, I've always said I want a nice ring, a nice dress and a nice husband (and of course family and friends to share the day). I don't need a huge event, we have very limited family members in NZ (They are all in the UK) so it won't be huge. (I'd be happy to elope to Vegas but he won't have a bar of it unfortunately )

We were talking last night about TTC again and he said "Lets wait til after the wedding". I live, breathe, and obsess about babies, Since losing my first one I have been all consumed and sadly I don't care about much else(Not healthy, I know). A wedding is not important, and I want to try again as soon as we're given the all clear. I had 4 hours sleep last night as I was so upset thinking of waiting til next year to try again. I can't wait that long. I should have a 5 month old and be pregnant again, but I have empty arms.

So, he's asked me to think about it, and come up with some alternatives. I cannot wait a year to try again - I can't imagine what that would do to me, But we need enough time to plan a wedding to invite some family in the UK in case they want to come.

I'll just mention he's due for some pretty major surgery late April/May so we're going to have a crappy month after that.

Suggestions/Ideas ?

HELP !!!

Thanks in advance!!

xxxxx

Thanks Lou, Thats really sweet of you! x

Forgot to add - Df doesn't want a bride with a huge belly (which I completely understand, it's not really ideal). I don't like the concept of shot gun weddings and I don't want it to look like that

In saying that, if I was up to 4 months pregnant then no big deal, I wouldn't care. If other people want to judge me that would be their business

I was just going to suggest the same thing, you could start TTC say 4 ish months before the big day - you'd have plenty of money aside to pay for the wedding, and most dress makers can ease dresses for a 'who ate all the pies' belly

I think a tiny bump thats almost not noticable is cute! and wont be too obvious in photos

TTC closer to the wedding would give you time to recover from your DF's Surgery, get most of the wedding planning sorted so you can focus on the TTC process Have you got a date in mind for the wedding?

oh and I didnt know how to word the bit about which build you are without it being offensive - so please dont take it as offensive...

Do remember an empire lined wedding dress will cover a bump alot. Most people didnt know that my friends bridesmaid was 22 weeks in their wedding as the dress made the bump look like a larger tummy (which was what the BM wanted)

Oh PB

I think you need to place priority on your mental health, chick, and if that means TTC now, then do it. You've had a very tough year, and you deserve a break, and to be a bit selfish

I'd actually focus more on your DH's surgery than on the wedding, cos I know thats going to be hard on you both. If you are going to be a nervous wreck in early pregnancy (which is understandable!), then it might pay to think about how that fits in with the surgery/recovery period.

As for the wedding, I would just TTC regardless, and tell family who have to travel that you are planning it for early next year so they can save, but not actually book travel. Then set the date 4-6 months out once you know when you are expecting

Very very best of luck with your decision, the op, the new baby and the wedding xx

Hope all goes well with the plan PB  xx

to jacobsmumma and mrshopeful - Thank you my lovelies. You are right mrsh - there's no point putting life on hold for the "What if's".

I haven't got any further I'm afraid, df has been so busy with his study (20 hours a week on top of working full time) that with the little time we've had together, I haven't wanted to bring it up as it's too late at night by the time we get a chance to chat.

I'm just in limbo. We'll have his surgery date confirmed this friday, so I can add that result into the decision mix.

I'm going to see a 2nd specialist today, I hope he's better than the first one who's answer was "It was a bad pregnancy". That was worth hundreds of dollars. not.

I just wish I didn't have to think about any of this

The specialist I just got a second opinion from said to wait for at least 2 AF's before trying again. I feel so disheartened Everything else he said was really positive and I really liked him and will use him as my Obstetrician for shared care next time, But I just feel sad I have to now wait a couple more months.

I should try go and get interested in weddings at NZWP, but somehow it's just not as interesting as babies. A wedding is just one day, I want children, they are for life